tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-68217611885498734402024-03-13T23:56:39.301-07:00Claudia BitesA blog about life, love, sexuality and the heart. Claudia Biteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14712143763056800754noreply@blogger.comBlogger71125truetag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6821761188549873440.post-47166563165336805942015-10-08T10:01:00.000-07:002017-06-13T07:41:03.398-07:00My Work; My Soul PurposeA few people have recently asked me "what exactly do you do in your healing sessions?"So here for your clarification is a little more about my work and my overarching vision for what I do. What I do is not the same as who I am, but it comes pretty close!<br />
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<span lang="EN-US">We are electro magnetic beings functioning
in an electro magnetic world! What we often refer to as ‘vibes’ can sometimes
be a direct reflection of an intuitive bodily identification with that very
energy surrounding us. Matter is simply energy vibrating and a denser rate than
say feelings and emotions for example, but in our case (humans) matter contains all of the blueprints of our experiences so far so these thoughts, feelings and emotions are filed in our metaphorical filing system and often referred to at a later date. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">Every human being has a several energy bodies (e.g., physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, astral, etheric). My work focusses on the primary vessel for our human experience, the physical form, as the container for every level of being-ness that we can experience in our lives. </span></div>
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As we grow up, we become conditioned by the experiences, thoughts and feelings of others who are influential in our lives, starting with the most primary relationship of parent/child. When our influencers have not managed to process their own experiences, what usually happens is that those experiences are passed on to us in the form of distortions of the original experience, thus creating a second layer of the first trauma. We can also do the same to others. </div>
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<span lang="EN-US">The main areas of interest in my work are in sexuality and health. Health is extremely broad as a term of reference though so let me further clarify; I love facilitating people in discovering what being healthy means to <i>them</i>. I have no interest in doing this as a dietitian, or a personal trainer (for example), and whilst both are excellent careers paths, they are not my calling. Rather, my interest in 'health' stems from a deep desire to support people in living self-determined balanced, harmonious and fulfilled lives, and comes from a commitment to authentic self expression. In order to reach that we must first clear the pathways - a path free of trip hazards is after all much easier to traverse than one beset by potentially hazardous pitfalls! </span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">Ancient systems of medicine recognized the
presence of seven major energy centres, or chakras in the body, each
corresponding to a different physical gland, emotion, element and energetic
frequency. These centres are connected via some 72,000 psychic energy pathways
known as the nadis, a little like rivers connecting to the estuary, connecting
to the ocean (of our being). We are basically information super highways, and pretty miraculous ones at that! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">In shamanic and tantric practice, it’s also
recognized that the source of much dis-ease in the body, whether that be physical,
emotional, mental or of the spirit, originates in the process by which we come to
be out of alignment with the harmonious flow of energy throughout the body.
This mis-alignment can arise through poor nutrition, environmental toxins,
emotional discordance or trauma, and as mentioned earlier, the cumulative conditioning arising
throughout our childhood and formative years. It can also arise in sensitive
individuals who haven’t learned how to discharge the energy they pick up.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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I offer two main types of healing in my one-to-one work at present. The first is Tantric Shamanic Bodywork and functions like this:</div>
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You arrive for an initial consultation session in which we have already acknowledged you are working with healing any issues around intimacy, sexuality and primary relationship. Sessions typically involve breath work, soul gazing, massage and sacred touch, conscious sexuality coaching, shamanic theta scanning and soul recovery, energetic cord cutting and trauma release from the body. We will be mapping out your personal blueprint for pleasure and intimate communication. Phew! That's a lot right? But don't worry, we go at a pace which is appropriate and comfortable for you. This work can be challenging work but the rewards are manyfold. </div>
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The second is Energy Field Healing, which I also combine with shamanic practices to clear and re-set the mind-body-spirit function. Here I work directly with the energy field using an electro magnetic mat, and a set of etheric weavers (a bit like dowsing tools) to identify where there are any blockages or stuck energy in your system. This is a clothed session not involving massage, instead we focus on deep relaxation and meditation for re-programming, using the mat as the vehicle for that energy field balancing. I also use shamanic diagnostics in these sessions to get really clear about what we're working with, thus taking a strong intent into the sessions. Here is a testimonial from a client I worked with on the mat very recently: </div>
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"The electro magnetic mat is very effective and specific in re-aligning any disturbances or blockages in the body. I experienced a short session with the mat yesterday and it was a very powerful healing session for me. My heart was blocked, afraid to open up and let go, and the mat instantly led me into relaxation and slowly ran energetic currents through my energy, allowing me to open up and let myself begin to transmute the blockage. I had a profound experience in my session, S tuned into me on deep levels and was correct on every issue that was going on with me. I'm so grateful to experience this small and powerful breakthrough with her, and I plan to work more with her as I felt comfortable with her holding space for me. She offered reassurance to the point where I knew I could have gone deeper into healing my heart in a more in-depth session. I was able to experience that space and my heart received healing. I'm feeling more at peace and free within now and hope to carry on." </div>
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Here's an image of my lovely mat to give you an idea of what we're working with! </div>
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In my work, I seek to find and dissolve any of the barriers that limit you from being the radiant being you were always meant to be. I hope this helps clarify what I do and I very much look forward to working with you. </div>
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Aho Mitakuye Oyasin (For All Our Relations) - for in healing ourselves we must inevitably heal the generations to come. </div>
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*All of my work is highly confidential and adheres to strict codes of practice. </div>
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Claudia Biteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14712143763056800754noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6821761188549873440.post-30338264545476114002015-06-26T16:00:00.000-07:002017-06-13T07:42:39.268-07:00In Search Of The One Hand Clapping<div style="text-align: center;">
Or, The Question With No Answer.</div>
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In March of this year, as many of you reading this may know, I went on a dream trip to Bali. I went to this remarkable place following a repeated 'soul calling' to be there; you may call it one of those inexplicable yet powerful knowings we sometimes have in life that we are so certainly meant to be somewhere other than where we are right now.<br />
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In the past, I've had this sort of feeling but it has manifested as a kind of restlessness or dissatisfaction with what I have, what I'm doing or who I am, only this time it wasn't the same somehow. Content with where I was, I just knew that some part of my soul had a deep longing to go there, to find this mystical place that had been a part of my 'dreams' since childhood.<br />
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As a young child growing up, I'd often found myself immersed in the world of my mother's dreams. She read us Greek and Roman mythology as bedtime stories, and she watched endless Hollywood musicals, mainly of the old Rogers and Hammerstein variety; one of her favourites was the film South Pacific. I would watch, listen and absorb the visual feast that was Indonesia and Bali on the screen, fascinated by the flowers, the landscapes and the juxtaposition of the war and the beauty of the place. Enrique and Nellie entranced me; I wanted that love!<br />
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But as I grew older, visiting Bali was no longer about the love…or so I thought. </div>
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No, I was looking for a teacher, a mentor, a spiritual guru if you like, so in spontaneously deciding one spring morning whilst our for my run, to 'just do it', I booked my flights that same day. I thought I was moving closer to discovering my 'teacher' but the reality was that I had no idea at all what Bali had in store for me. </div>
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Arriving on this stunning island I was immediately struck by the beauty of the place; the landscape, the colour, the smells (the air is permanently full of incense from all the daily offerings); the cultural presence. I had found a place that made sense to me on every level of my being. A lover of ritual, I understood the daily practices, which seemed to come from a sacred place rather than a superstitious one. I understood the importance of honouring the roots and origins of things, the inherent spirit in things, and I respected that too. One of my current spiritual teachers places great importance on treating everything we touch, do and come into contact with as if it has feelings, to find the 'quality' of everything, the unique essential nature of it. He teaches one to learn to walk in the true spirit of beauty, awake in every moment, delicate in your footstep.</div>
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So I arrived in Bali, quickly to find myself immersed in the spirit of this incredible place, and I was 'at home' here, yet I was also here searching for something outside of myself, my 'teacher' for life. Because of this, I awoke each day with a sense of anticipation…would it be today I met him or her? Would Great Spirit orchestrate this person showing up for me and spark a lifelong pilgrimage or tutelage on this divine island? Or would their teachings begin there and then take me elsewhere? I had no answers but many questions! I saw every person as a possible teacher because I did not want to miss 'the one' by being too presumptuous about what a 'guru' should look like. <br />
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One day, whilst attending an amazing cleansing and purifying ritual at a place called Tirta Empul, I met a guide there. We struck up conversation and for a while, I thought maybe this lovely man was my teacher. He shared lots of incredible insights with me and we made a loose plan to go up a mountain one night after midnight to meet his teachers at a sacred spot there. Oddly enough perhaps, I had no fear about ascending a mountain after dark with a relative stranger. He said he could see in me a seriousness about my quest. We didn't make it up that mountain, but we remain in contact still.<br />
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So then I had two meetings with other possible teachers, one an almost 90 year old Balinese shaman by the name of Tjokordo Rai, and one with a wonderful Balinese Priestess named Ibu Ratu. Both told me amazing things about my spiritual, mental, emotional and physical health. I looked at both as potential teachers, especially when Ibu Ratu told me I had 'strong gifts from spirit' and she got quite excited about that! Her excitement naturally excited me, but I had my sessions, I left, and there was no indicator I would be going back for more teachings of any kind. And so, as my time progressed, I began to wonder if this person whom I was totally convinced I would meet there would show up at all, and I admit that I began to feel a little despondent about that.<br />
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I carried on with my visit, I sat and daydreamed and wrote in raw vegan cafes, I meditated in sacred sites and power places in nature. I talked to people; locals and visitors, business owners and motorbike drivers, and I met up with old friends and I made new ones, until the day came to leave.<br />
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What I noticed in this moment prior to departure was that just about every encounter I'd had there had left its mark on me. Every person had somehow intrigued me and left me thoughtful, every place had piqued my curiosity to know more. I could recall it all with more insight than any place I'd ever been to before, and then in that place of illumination I realised something absolutely crucial, <i>I</i> was the teacher I was looking for! It was like some big cosmic joke! It was me who was the only person ever going to be able to allow me to transform the teachings of life - teachings that are ever present, ever accessible but only ever possible to be processed via my own experience of them, for how someone else looks at things will never be the same as how I look at them. So then I realised that what I do with that understanding is the key, and I was the key holder, and in this realisation I found deep peace and an end to my relentless searching for something outside of myself.<br />
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And so of course, as my life re-settles into its routines and to my ordinary day-to-day reality (which is often far from ordinary actually), I learn one thing; that whilst I respect teachers who pass on their own hard earned knowledge and wisdom teachings, and that whilst I accept I may learn from others and indeed be mentored by those I admire, I am the teacher I was looking for and the greatest student ever, for I am a student of life, of <i>my</i> life, and of my soul's journey, and for my life, I am deeply grateful.<br />
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Om Shanti Shanti Shanti - peace be everyones and may love permeate all!</div>
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Claudia Biteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14712143763056800754noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6821761188549873440.post-34483504686538199972015-05-12T05:45:00.001-07:002015-05-12T05:45:52.297-07:00From Heroin to HeroineHello readers, what a beautiful day! Well in fact every day is a beautiful day right? Some may be tricky, or challenging, or just the kind of day you're relieved is over, but having the chance to even have another day to enjoy is a real blessing to me.<br />
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I've recently been working on updating my website, getting my house in order, organising my time better and generally slowing down a little. My life at 'slower' is someone else's at full tilt, I know that, but I love it that way! Basically, I fill my life with people, things and opportunities I love and value, and why wouldn't I? I've learned the hard way.<br />
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I often see on social media that people write things like 'school of hard knocks' or 'university of tough life' in their 'about me - education' sections. It seems we all know these places, some of us more than others, but whether we choose to take up permanent residence in them is another matter altogether. I gave up my residency many years ago now, and here's part of my story so that others may understand the power of intention and a steely determination to change what doesn't work. <br />
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It's easy to make assumptions about others - "oh she's all airy fairy" or "he has no idea what it's like to struggle", or "they could never understand me, they don't know what it's like to be (fill in gap) ------", and yet many of us <i>do</i> know and whilst it may not be the same story it is often the same drama, the drama of 'poor me'. Sometimes it's the actual fact of having <i>lived</i> these experiences that makes those who see life differently hold onto that positivity so tightly; because they've seen what it's like and felt what it's like not to have, or be that. I know that may trigger some people, those who aren't ready to give up their 'story' yet, and that's ok, it's a big world with a lot of people in it and not everyone is going to 'get' you or like you. Getting to being okay with that is one of the most liberating things you can do for yourself actually, and I highly recommend starting now. Get on it with loving yourself; that's your main work in this life, and then the old adage about what others think of you being none of your business really starts to mean something.<br />
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When I was just a wee girl of eighteen years old, I was a sweet, honest and rather naive soul. I fell in love easily, mainly with the bad boys, and I trusted openly, despite my intuition telling me otherwise - I had never learnt to pay too much attention to it. This was a pretty lethal cocktail! Bad boys + open trusting nature + ignoring instinct = recipe for disaster, and 'disaster' was exactly what I got. By nineteen I was living in London with a psychopathic man and an increasing addiction to heroin. Self medicating from a bruised heart and a confused soul, I sought and found solace in the unexpected comforts of opium in its street based form, and by the age of twenty I was nursing and feeding a £120 a day 'habit' however I could. I have so many stories from this time, so many harsh memories of seeing friends OD, seeing myself spewing up outside a London Tube station in severe withdrawal, seeing myself desperately grasping for any kind of respite but not having the courage, or the knowledge to change things. I remember myself shivering in bone shaking agony in dingy basement flats, begging for any kind of let up to my pain. I remember offering all kinds of favours to corrupt doctors for off prescription medications (which often came) and I remember being willing to fill my body with toxic crap if it would just block out the agonies of withdrawal for one tiny moment of my day. I could have stayed in that place and taken up residence there. I could have chosen a different life, a different ending, probably an ending closer in years to Amy Winehouse or Janis Joplin than I am now, but I didn't, I chose to transform my story and to find a way out. </div>
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I met Amy several years back courtesy of my gorgeous friend Sandy Green, amazing tattooist and woman of great wonder! Amy was in her downward spiral at the time but a lovely soul. She gave my young daughters free tickets to her gig, gave them a note about their mum (me) being lovely (I still have that precious note), and smiled sweetly at me as I thanked her. We went to her gig that night, and several months later she was dead. Life can be that fickle. Obviously we all struggle with our inner demons and our personal pains to greater or lesser degrees, but I want you all to know that in relation to mine, it is a CHOICE to focus on the positive and what's more it's a choice based in knowledge not in ignorance. I will not be the next Amy or the next sorry soul stuck in addictions or fear or shame or constant anxiety. I will not be the next person to reach my golden years thinking "holy shit, that was it?!!" about my life. Rather, I will be the woman I seek to see in others, hopefully a source of inspiration, kindness and support; a source of love, leadership and light. Then, if you tell yourself that others can't possibly understand, know that often we <i>do </i>understand only too well, we are just choosing a different 'story' to tell ourselves and to reflect back into the world. Often that takes great discipline, we all have bad days after all.</div>
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So in moving from heroin to being the heroine of my own tale, I'm damn grateful for all the lessons that led me there. My story makes me who I am now but it is also paradoxically not me, for what I am is what we all are in essence, pure, strong and essentially as mother*!@king holy as it gets! </div>
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Now go out and spread love! What else is there to do? </div>
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Steph offers life coaching, energetic bodywork and shamanic tantric healing sessions for those who are looking to change their life, or just desiring to create lasting health and wellbeing for themselves. Please <a href="http://www.stephmagenta.com/" target="_blank">click here</a> for more information. </div>
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Claudia Biteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14712143763056800754noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6821761188549873440.post-65913875121636264192015-02-22T15:29:00.000-08:002015-02-23T01:31:25.235-08:00I've Cut My Teeth On Lesser Men...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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A challenging statement with which to start today's blog post? Well yes, however it's not meant to be gender specific, more relating to humans than opposite-sex-to-me men!<br />
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This evening, Ms Magenta ponders what it means to be a WARRIOR. Earlier today, my lovely friend Earl (see <a href="http://www.karmiccoaching.com/#/about-us/4518501301" target="_blank">Karmic Coaching</a> for some of his great work) sent me an article to read. It was an article he felt spoke to him, in part about me. I am honoured that this great man sees me as a Warrior Sister, and you know what, it's true! Too often we hide our light under a bushel, afraid it will seem arrogant or self serving if we name our talents and skills. But what is this dis-ease with knowing who we are and being able to speak of that with confidence? I, Steph Magenta, am a Warrior!<br />
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The article which you can read <a href="http://www.rebellesociety.com/2014/02/10/warrior-rising/" target="_blank">here</a> is an interesting read, highlighting a combination of old values of warrior hood against new ones. What does it mean to be a warrior in today's society, especially if you don't live in a typically war faring culture? To me it means to be strong in your convictions, to be bold in your aspirations and to know exactly when to advance and when to retreat. It means to know when you are in danger, to be prudent enough to recognise an adversary, wise enough to know when you have met an ally and to be clever enough to how to move between those states and people with the grace of a deer, the force of the great bear or the buffalo, and the cunning of the fox.<br />
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I chose the image from Kill Bill above very deliberately. The Bride: classic symbol of a woman dressed in virginal white, pure of heart and body, agreeing to honour and obey her soon-to-be husband. Maybe it's less obvious these days with new possibilities for wording your ceremony, but the tradition nevertheless holds some kind of collective conscious expectation, for both behaviour and compliance. I like that the bride wields the sword of the warrior in her wedding gown. It's a juxtaposition that pleases me as it jars slightly, which is a good thing. It's good because it makes us think.<br />
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<b>"I WILL TAKE WHAT IS MINE WITH FIRE AND BLOOD" </b></div>
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One of my favourite scenes from Game of Thrones, from my favourite female character, is the one where Daenerys Targaryen is trading for her army. Courageously entering enemy territory, she stands, silently listening to a heap of abusive words being directed at her in another language presumed she doesn't understand. She maintains her poise and her dignity until the moment when the man who would cheat her, realises that not only are her legions loyal, and her dragons her protectors, but that her intellect is mighty. Revealing only in the precise moment of uprising that she understands everything, the battle is already won, and her strategy wins her her army.<br />
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Being a warrior is indeed strategic. We must learn from life or be condemned to repeat our mistakes or die (not necessarily literally). Repetition can dull the senses or it can sharpen the practice depending on context and intent.<br />
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"To walk the full length of a path that one truly loves, Don Juan said, one needs passion, courage, imagination, vigilance, discipline, self awareness, grace, strength, resourcefulness, efficiency, patience, adaptability and the humbleness of a navigator."<br />
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That's quite a list. It formed part of what was taught to Carlos Castaneda by his teacher Don Juan in his shamanic apprenticeship, and it became part of what he called his <a href="http://www.cleargreen.com/" target="_blank">Magical Passes</a>, a series of movements designed to bring all of those qualities into the heart of the Seeker, the Visionary and the Warrior.<br />
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In my shamanic training we are taught various movement and other daily practices to help us maintain exactly that kind of focus. A warrior cannot be lazy! A warrior cannot be complacent, or make assumptions. A warrior must be vigilant indeed. For me, given that I don't have to worry about a neighbouring tribe attacking me at any moment, or a buffalo stampede in my garden, my vigilance is generally of the mental, emotional and spiritual kind. It's a way of dedicating my life to growth and to health. When I say health I simply mean to have a strong mind and a clear heart and to honour my body enough that it can be a forceful channel for both.<br />
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I've done my time in the lair of those who would have me down. I've done my time in my own self imposed prisons of misery and suffering. I've walked the path of addiction, abuse and anger, and it's passed and is in the past. I'm no longer pointing my weapons outward from the door of my cave, expecting trouble, because I trust in my ability to be a Warrior at all times.<br />
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Witches were burnt at the stake if they floated and did not drown as this was seen as evidence of their demonic possessions; a lose-lose situation if ever there was one! As a warrior, one has to have known defeat, known suffering, known hardship and known devotion, and rising from these things is where our swords are truly forged.<br />
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How will you turn your defeat into determination? Your suffering into strength? Your hardship into heart and your devotion into love?<br />
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How do you stake your claim in life? And do you even recognise it yet? If not, find someone, find people with whom you can get yourself in metaphorical training. Your sword awaits you. Aho!<br />
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<br />Claudia Biteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14712143763056800754noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6821761188549873440.post-74457266247930016022015-02-21T12:51:00.000-08:002015-02-21T12:53:11.806-08:00Following The Trail - Stalking Your BlissWhat does it mean to 'Follow Your Bliss'? What does it cost to follow it? And where do you even get started?<br />
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Joseph Campbell, originator of the phrase, when asked if he ever felt a sense of being helped by invisible hands replied:<br />
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"All the time. It is miraculous. I even have a superstition that has grown on me as a result of invisible hands coming all the time - namely, that if you do follow your bliss you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. When you can see that, you begin to meet people who are in your field of bliss, and they open doors to you. I say, follow your bliss and don't be afraid, and doors will open where you didn't know they were going to be."<br />
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So why do we hesitate? why do we allow ourselves to become distracted, confused, fear-full? Largely because we can always find enough reasons <i>not</i> to do something rather than looking, or rather feeling, all the reasons there are <i>to</i> do something. So often when I'm holding space, I am coaching people into their hearts, into finding their true voices and their authentic selves. Lost, buried, forgotten, our true desires can become something we associate with naiveté, youth or ignorance when in fact the opposite is true but we have simply forgotten that innocent place wherein lies the beauty of imagination and the power of the Dream.<br />
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Bliss: In Sanskrit the word for this contains three syllables - SAT-CHIT-ANANDA. Sat = Being. Chit = Consciousness. ANANDA = Bliss or Rapture. So, we combine the purity of being, with the state of high consciousness (or awareness) and enter into a state of Bliss. Meditators speak of it, Tantrikas speak of it, Monks and Holy people and Shamans speak of it. But what is <i>it</i>?<br />
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Campbell states very openly that he doesn't know where his consciousness is, or whether his thoughts on that are even proper or not, but that he does know where his rapture is, so that's what he will hang on to. Seems like a good and simple strategy to me. On a recent money coaching webinar I signed in to, one thing that arose in relation to the notion of making a really good living doing what we love, was a challenge to journal what you are doing and where you are when you are really in your bliss, in your pleasure, and in your passion. Notice it, write it down, and get clear! What makes you truly happy? All of these things give us clues into the calling of our souls, into our deepest longings and our greatest potential talents. They are signposts if you like, and often the seemingly synchronistic events that illuminate this and offer up these clues are ignored. Instead, what most of us do though, is visit those things for brief holidays, or brief encounters. Why? Because we are trained into a 'can't do' rather than a 'can do' attitude. So how do we transform that?<br />
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We start by becoming courageous. We start by paying attention to, and following our dreams and trusting where that takes us. Here's where it gets risky; we may hear the call of the wild and get scared of what we could lose, never realising what we may have to gain.<br />
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I started stalking my dreams and visions several years ago and began writing each year, just after the Gregorian New Year, a kind of Dream Quest in which I would call in all I wished for myself in the coming twelve months. I write this as if it's already happened, and I tell you, intention is a <i>very</i> powerful thing. Each year it has worked so powerfully and having seen what was possible, I wanted to share this with people. It has now become one my annual Soul Session Workshops.<br />
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In this year's Dream Quest I visioned visiting Bali. It's been calling me in my dreams, both waking and sleeping for over two years now and it's been in my memory since childhood, although I have never been in this lifetime. I once called it 'home' whilst in an altered state on a Medicine Journey in which I described the place in great detail. I was on a beach on the Balinese Coastline and I loved it with a passion I could not describe in words and I wanted to get there - I wanted to go 'home'. This revelation took me totally by surprise. I'm willing to follow my dream because life is precious, it's a gift, a blessing, it's a brief moment in time. I'm a soul adventurer so I cannot imagine <i>not</i> going to be honest.<br />
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I saw this Temple in my searches; to me it sums up almost perfectly the divine meeting of Heaven and Earth, Root and Crown, the Corporeal and the Celestial. I will visit this place in ten days time! I'm following my bliss. How will you listen to your soul calling?<br />
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<b>Listen hard for the voice of God is very quiet.</b></div>
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Claudia Biteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14712143763056800754noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6821761188549873440.post-25432014983586320592015-02-01T01:49:00.001-08:002015-02-01T10:50:21.596-08:00Imbolc - Divine Spark of InspirationImbolc is here! Celebration of the Divine Spark of Inspiration, festival of the return of the light, reawakening earth and potent portal for manifestation. Christian traditions overlaid many old Celtic celebrations with their own version. Here we see candlemas; in the literal sense a festival of light in the pagan year, but perhaps more interesting is that the root of this old anglo saxon word 'Candali', or Kundali, (or Kundalini) offers perhaps a true glimpse of what this festival is all about.<br />
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Understanding what it's about gives us more insight into why the festival may have been co-opted by other traditions, for there has long since been a fear of, and subsequent repression of, the powerful arising of sexual energy, as is inherent in the mirror of nature as the earth starts to move into growth, energy of new life pushes through, and we start to feel the stirrings of new possibility.<br />
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Nature is a wonderful teacher. She holds within her all of the Universal Laws from which we can truly learn. These are the Laws of Wholeness, Flow, Balance, Limits, Cause & Effect, Planes, and Evolution. Without going into great detail here, I recommend you read <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Mystery-Teachings-Living-Earth-Introduction/dp/157863489X" target="_blank">Mystery Teachings From The Living Earth</a> by Michael Greer, as recommended to me by my wonderful friend Gavin.<br />
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It's fair to say that the laws reflected in nature are wonderful teachers from which, if we pay close attention, we can truly come to understand ourselves. What, we may wonder, is the purpose of this self actualisation? Well, I'd say it's to return to love, to a state of grace and to our naturalness. The innocence of childhood, the purity of a heart seeing and feeling through eyes unencumbered by conditioning that really know the truth; that LOVE is the greatest force there is and that everything is energy in motion if we can learn to remain unattached and trusting of the flow.<br />
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So here at Imbolc, the days are beginning to lengthen and new life is starting to push through the soil. Plant your ideas and leave them to germinate in the remaining darkness, ready to burst forth with spring. This celebration is all about looking at what has been take into winter's darkness and letting it go. It's all about starting to take your visions and plant them with a strong intention ready for growth. In order to do this, now is a good time to create a small fire ceremony to burn away any lingering things that may be holding you back. Get clear! Shed the next skin so that you can move with clean energy and crystal clear clarity into your dreams for this coming year.<br />
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Last night I found myself pulled to do a shamanic drum journey for myself. In a week in which I've completed a powerful shamanic ritual, leading to a physical, mental and emotional clearing, my drum was calling to me. I rarely drum for myself and it's fair to say this was almost a compulsion! I sat on my bed and began to drum. Straight away I was journeying to the Upper World where I was given very clear images and messages. I've learnt to trust these visions and impressions now, and so sitting with it, the beat of the drum consistent and clear, I began to 'see' exactly what I needed to see, understand and release in order to move into strong Imbolc imaginings (the name of one of my workshops).<br />
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There is a wealth of resourcefulness, intuition and knowing inside us. We have all the information we need in order to give ourselves all we need in order to live in wholeness, compassion and love. Imbolc is a time for reclaiming what has been forgotten. What do <i>you</i> need to reclaim? What spark of fire will help you birth a new dream of yourself?<br />
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1. Build an altar to the returning light, to new growth and to divine inspiration. Ginger, coltsfoot, rowan, willow, snake, dragon, greenery from outside, seeds etc are all good items for your altar.<br />
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2. Clear out any old crap lingering in your homes, workspaces and lives (if that last one is not too tall an order! If it is, focus on your home and workspace and keep it simple)<br />
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3. Create a small fire ceremony. Write down and then burn away what no longer serves you.<br />
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4. Go sit in nature for a while. Listen and just BE.<br />
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">Happy Imbolc to all!</span></b></div>
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*<a href="http://www.stephmagenta.com/" target="_blank">Steph Magenta</a> & <a href="http://www.sarahrosebright.co.uk/" target="_blank">Sarah Rose Bright</a> are currently working on developing a programme of sacred gatherings working with the cycle of the year - please let us know if you would like to know more by <a href="mailto:tantraheart@rocketmail.com" target="_blank">clicking here</a>.<br />
<br />Claudia Biteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14712143763056800754noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6821761188549873440.post-854918203567428252015-01-28T12:47:00.000-08:002015-01-28T13:57:10.491-08:00Drugs or Medicines?Hello lovely people out there in cyberland. This evening's post focusses upon a theme I've found myself pondering many times throughout my life, and for many reasons. Tonight I want to explore the subject of drugs versus medicines. Going beyond semantics, how do we decide what is 'good' and what is 'bad' in this respect, and how does this duality thinking serve us? Who gets to say when a drug is truly a medicine and when a medicine becomes a drug? To look at this we must also explore the things that create addiction, explore value judgements around this, and be bold enough to recognise that when something is used in principle for 'spiritual' reasons, it may not be any more worthy than something used when out of consciousness if the root of the 'addiction' remains in place and a person remains unable to integrate the teachings or lessons learned upon their journey, to create for themselves a better life, a life lived with improved and sustainable wellbeing.<br />
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I disagree with some of the statement above - often we bypass the pleasure phase and head straight for avoidance of the pain, only not in relation to the substance, more in relation to the issue at hand that we may not be wanting to feel in the first place. However many substances or actions can indeed be pleasurable in their repetition, at least until (or if) they begin to create chaos, hurt or pain for us, and others around us. That doesn't have to be just drugs, it can be work, sex, alcohol, or specific behaviours we can't break free from that create legacies of pain and suffering in our lives.<br />
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CONFESSION TIME! As a former heroin addict I spent many years locked in extremely destructive and painful cycles of addiction, withdrawal, and re-addiction. I spent money, time, and heartfelt reservoirs of faith and hope trying one way or another to cure myself of my opiate dependency, always unsuccessfully, until one day I hit rock bottom and found the dregs of some tattered life belt beckoning me to an untrusted shore, that of sobriety. I didn't at this point want to be clean on some levels though, because in the stark reality of 'clean and serene' lived the demons I had been avoiding, and they were clearly not going to want to be scrutinised too hard, otherwise I would have done so long before hitting desperation. And so for a while, the following was true….<br />
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I saw friends die from overdoses on shit drugs or because they had tried to get clean, failed and then given themselves too much of what they could cope with when in the full flow of their dependency. It was tragic; good souls striving to get well, more often striving to get drugs, dying in trying. I lost money, family, friends, homes, belongings and self respect. I gained remarkable resilience, resourcefulness and wisdom, but only once clean was I able to access most of those gifts. Anyhow, this is just the story, it was a long time ago now and it does not define me, but it certainly makes me think! And why does it make me think? Well, because eighteen months ago I began another quest of exploration using psychotropic plants to enter the deeper levels of my psyche that still remained locked in old pains and patterns. Although no longer being anaesthetised by opiates, these patterns still somehow limited me, and I was ready to break free. Enter the frame <a href="http://www.ayahuasca.com/" target="_blank">Ayahuasca</a>, <a href="http://www.sacharuna.com/longdance.html" target="_blank">San Pedro</a> and <a href="http://www.ibogaine.co.uk/introduction-ibogaine.htm#.VMk95UvrHwI" target="_blank">Iboga</a>. (*inclusion of these sites is not necessarily an endorsement of their content - please trust your own information finding resources)<br />
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These teacher plants as I refer to them, hold truly remarkable abilities to transform consciousness and open gateways to new ways of seeing what are in principle old ways of being. Working with them intensively over the last phase of my life has unlocked so many gifts, blessings and teachings. I can never express how much gratitude I have for the fact they called loud enough and long enough for me to pay attention.<br />
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By some freakishly synchronistic series of events, starting with a random book written by the wonderful <a href="http://www.rebekahshaman.com/my-story/" target="_blank">Rebekah Shaman</a>, which was left on a table beside me at a festival (nobody knew how it got there), a flier for an '<a href="http://www.pachamama.org/blog/the-eagle-and-the-condor-prophecy" target="_blank">Eagle Condor</a>' ceremony left in my healing centre (nobody knew how it got there), and a chance meeting, I found myself suddenly tuned into a very different matrix. They say when she calls, she calls, and when the time is right, you just know. Fearful (actually make that a little bit terrified!) and curious at the same time, I certainly knew on some deep embodied level that I was about to embark on some serious soul searching, and that Mama Ayahuasca was the doorway through which I would access these lessons. I'm not going to lie, I was afraid that my demons would consume me, that they were far bigger than I and that they would simply annihilate me and undo all of the good work I'd put into place in getting well and staying well, but I also knew on a deeper level that this couldn't be true for those demons could only ever be a part of me and never the totality of me.<br />
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I can honestly say that this journey has been the most liberating of my life in terms of my soul evolution, life lessons and life-purpose focus. That said, I see as many opportunities for 'addiction' within the sacred and spiritual plant based explorations as I do with those used less mindfully; it's not something to take lightly or be cavalier about. Ayahuasca, a South American vine, has taken me to some truly painful, dark places. It's torn down my ego and left me in tatters, and it's slapped me hard around the head when I've been a little less respectful of her potency. Through all of this she has also brought me deep healing. San Pedro, a South American cactus, has been a cruel teacher; hard and unforgiving at times, he has also shone light on that which is lurking in the dark, and for me, going to meet what is often referred to as the 'Grandfather' is never something I will take lightly or make assumptions about beforehand. Iboga, an African root, has changed me deeply. That's all I can say about that for now.<br />
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But what of these distinctions? What of those who maintain those addictions we would normally refer to as 'drug addictions' without them causing too much chaos over the years? I know people who do so to some level, although I admit they are rare, at least in my experience that is. And what of those who are <i>addicted</i> to these beautiful plant teacher spirits and who approach them in the same manner of questing for an altered state that just further avoids their own ability to just <i>be</i> with themselves? Does this medicine then become a drug? And what of those people using some drugs as medicines and creating stability and real health for themselves with them. Is that even possible? Personally I'm not a fan of synthesised 'drugs' and medications, whether prescribed by the doctor or sold by the dealer, I just don't trust them!<br />
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These days I'm as clean as I've ever been and I'm not talking about clean from medicines, drugs or anything else here, I'm talking about food, nutrition, attitude, lifestyle, mindfulness, love, self love and more. At the risk of sounding self righteous, I haven't drunk alcohol for almost a year, not because I'm trying to, but because I don't want to and because my body can't process it any more! I gave up sugar and wheat at the same time, and I'm currently on Raw till 4 (a raw vegan foodie concept of eating only fresh, uncooked and unprocessed foods until 4pm every day to give the body and digestive system a rest). To some this will sound like I'm whipping myself with the denial of pleasure but to me, the pleasure is now well and truly rooted in the sense of health, energy and vitality I feel increasing in me with every single day.<br />
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I very recently discovered on my shamanic training, that it is equally possible to enter cathartic and transformative states without the use of any psychotropics at all! This powerful understanding further deepens my commitment to the power of intention and the conscious development of the human spirit and soul. And what is this all for? Not to create further separation but to remember the oneness of life, the absolute truth that everything is connected and everything grows through love and self actualisation and never through fear, ignorance and denial. To discover where true freedom lies and to take root there, to stake my flag on the summit of joy that I know is there, ever accessible, ever present. All I have to do is open my eyes and remember.<br />
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<b>Aho Mitakuye Oyasin! (For All Our Relations)</b></div>
Claudia Biteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14712143763056800754noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6821761188549873440.post-84515734091094298062015-01-26T09:25:00.000-08:002015-01-26T09:30:57.176-08:00Eating As A Spiritual ActToday's blog post deviates from the more recent sexuality and intimacy type postings, moving instead towards another of my main areas of work in this world, juicing and physical wellbeing. I've been an avid juicer for over 20 years now, and during that time I have really felt my love, passion and interest in it evolve and grow into whole new ways of thinking about how, and with what we nourish ourselves.<br />
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To me, nourishment is a profound concept that reaches way beyond food, however I also believe that we need an essentially 'clean' diet in order to be able to truly <i>receive</i> nourishment on every level.<br />
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When we eat refined, processed and energetically heavy foods laden with (refined) sugars, antibiotics, growth hormones, and other additives that contribute to the creation of dis-ease, and when we eat foods raised and created from a lack of awareness of what health really means and how to attain it, then we are literally digesting the sickness that is inherent in that way of producing and consuming our food. </div>
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In life, we are ever faced with choices; crossroads appear at every junction! We choose which path, often with hesitation, sometimes with clarity and focus, but choose we must. Sometimes in choosing the 'wrong' path and deviating from our true natures, we actually come to learn the most, for how can one know light when one has never experienced darkness? Yet we also need to remember how to return to light and truly clean up our acts. For me, eating is a spiritual declaration! </div>
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This weekend whilst away, someone commented on the food some of us were eating; food free from wheat, sugar, refined process, several mentioned that it looked 'boring' to them, and I know this is true for many, just as it was once true for me. These days, my taste buds have changed and this kind of living food really supports and nourishes me so deeply that it excites me, it thrills me, it expands my potential and it is the other kind of food that to me makes me go "yuk no thanks!"or "that looks boring" - if it doesn't make my cells dance, I'm not partnering up with it! </div>
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It interests me that so often people choosing additive free, compassionate and healthy diets still find themselves forced to justify their/our choices. I guess it comes from the same place and is not so different to when people opt out of mainstream education, finances, housing and health etc…the world wants to know 'why'? And so nowadays I will happily engage in conversations about this. In fact, I love being an ambassador for health by being a model of it rather than a preacher for it! </div>
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On my <a href="http://northerndrum.com/" target="_blank">shamanic training</a> this weekend just gone, we also came to discuss eating meat and the difference between the old ways of hunting and eating, giving thanks and offerings to the spirit of the animal who had given their life for the food of the tribe, using every part of the animal for clothing, food, construction, even weapons for more hunting, against the over packaged mindless consumption of factory farmed meat that is so prevalent in so many of our cultures now. Personally I have chosen to stop eating meat, but I've also chosen to stop eating any food that is processed and refined, chemically treated and created from a place of lack, over spirit and soul. I also accept that everyone is on their own path and has to make up their own mind about what feels good and what doesn't, but how do we distinguish addiction and habit from genuine body need and healthful choice? </div>
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Starting with the above statement, we can begin to truly empower ourselves to wellness. If food is healthcare then we must choose healthy food right, otherwise food simply becomes another layer of sickness? I juice daily now and without it I miss it massively and notice the difference regular juicing makes to my energy levels and all round health. That said, I also drink lots of water, exercise regularly and eat clean too, knowing that any one of these things does not really bring health on its own, and we all need a helping hand, yes? Don't be put off though! Exercise doesn't mean 5 times a week in the gym, it can be as simple as a 20 minute walk in nature twice a week. Move your body and watch your energy respond. I can be the laziest person ever in some ways, so again I know it can seem an intimidating thought making all of these changes, and yet I've done it in the most accessible and smooth manner I could have imagined and it no longer feels like effort, it feels fun, it feels easy and most importantly, it feels nourishing!<br />
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Read <a href="http://charleseisenstein.net/project/the-yoga-of-eating/" target="_blank">Charles Eisenstein</a> on food, watch <a href="http://www.davidwolfe.com/" target="_blank">David Wolfe</a> on super foods and health, look up <a href="http://www.jaykordich.com/" target="_blank">Jay Kordich</a> on juicing and perhaps get some <a href="https://www.eckharttolle.com/" target="_blank">Eckhart Tolle</a> on mindfulness and you'll be off to a great start.<br />
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Live the life you were meant to live with unlimited potential and health! Eat well! Nourish your soul!<br />
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<br />Claudia Biteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14712143763056800754noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6821761188549873440.post-65792478642312874092015-01-05T16:16:00.001-08:002015-01-05T16:16:44.314-08:00Save Us From Saviours! Today, Miss Claudia's attention has been caught by this short film made by the Indian organisation <a href="http://saveusfromsaviours.net/?p=28" target="_blank">VAMP</a>. This opening statement caught my eye and captivated my mind:<br />
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"<i style="font-family: Raleway, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 21px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">Over the years, we have become “commercial sex workers” from “common prostitutes”, debates are held about us and we are discussed in documents, covenants and declarations. The problem is that when we try to inform the arguments, our stories are disbelieved and we are treated as if we cannot comprehend our own lives. Thus we are either romanticised or victimised – or worse, our reality gets buried and distorted."</i><br />
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There are many organisations world over doing a lot of great work to empower sex workers, whether those involved in the industry be men, women, transgender (or other self-determined) people, and I am so grateful for their voices. Their voices halt the violence and begin the work in undoing negative harmful perceptions which in turn lead to negative harmful working conditions. Their voices help to stop the real 'wrong's in sex work by focussing on the 'rights' of those consenting adults involved in the work.<br />
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Today, my blog post is simply an invitation to watch this short video and consider social change led by inclusion in debate and policy, and community based group empowerment as the creators of real health and wellbeing. <a href="http://www.theguardian.com/world/1999/aug/17/gender.uk" target="_blank">I was writing about this in 1999</a>! How we can change the attitudes that create, or increase the risk of violence towards sex workers? Almost 20 years later and we are still working to change these old moral value based judgements. We can LISTEN! to those in the business before creating laws, policies and judgements. We can LEARN from the very real effects of reducing the harm to those coerced, underage or migrant workers not in a place of choice, and we can RESPECT the work done towards creating equal rights for every human being. Please.<br />
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What are your thoughts? <br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="281" mozallowfullscreen="" src="//player.vimeo.com/video/13394027" webkitallowfullscreen="" width="500"></iframe>Claudia Biteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14712143763056800754noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6821761188549873440.post-51051123459205012522015-01-04T15:46:00.000-08:002015-01-04T16:18:07.927-08:00Breaking Free! This evening's post comes to you by the magic of a full moon in the watery sign of cancer, realm of the emotions. When we start to live by moon cycles and cycles of the year, strange things begin to happen. We may find that we are more in tune with our instincts, our intuition grows sharper, and we understand our own personal rhythms more, knowing when to expend energy and when to conserve it. Life is based upon patterns and cycles and these are reflected in all of nature and all of creation. We are driven by the repeating cycles of the sun and the moon, the tides and the seasons; everything in motion in the magnificent orchestration of LIFE!<br />
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Nature has a habit of breaking free from constraints, just watch any of those programmes about a brand new seed forcing it's way through the hard earth, a tree root cracking a building or a plant breaking through concrete; if left to its own devices, nature will not be tethered for long.<br />
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On new year's day this year I read a blog post by a woman I greatly admire called Maggie McNeil. Maggie's <a href="http://maggiemcneill.wordpress.com/2015/01/01/new-years-day-2015/" target="_blank">Honest Courtesan</a> blog has run for years and her commitment and intellect are pretty damn impressive. She writes daily, did you get that? DAILY! Using her voice to shine light on primarily sex work activism and key issues in this area, Maggie's posts are also beautiful reflections on life.<br />
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When I read her New Year post about transitionary periods in life, I was genuinely touched by what Maggie had written about how painful her 'coming out' process was. As a former sex worker with a strong academic background, she acknowledged that the lack of a voice being given as an outlet for the expression of her truth, was restricting her beyond the point of comfort. Maggie was in the metamorphic stage of break-out, facing the unknown but feeling the inevitable.<br />
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I was lucky enough to meet Maggie last year in Las Vegas for a conference at which we both spoke; <a href="http://www.desireealliance.org/" target="_blank">Desiree Alliance</a>'s - 'The Audacity of Health: Sex Work Health and Politics'. I will never forget hanging out in the pool with her at the welcome party just chatting about life, our experiences, our boobs (!!) and putting the world to rights on a balmy evening surrounded, as is usual at these events, by many of the most colourful, wonderful people I've been graced to meet in my life, hookers!<br />
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Maggie's post addressed her coming out process. In moving from hiding large aspects of herself and her life, towards radical openness, she acknowledges the occasional wish to return to the safety of the comfort zone created by her former secrecy, but far more recognises the freedom in her revelations. It got me to thinking about how and why we hide so much of ourselves in life, often creating a world full of people anaesthetising themselves one way or another, usually with addictions or medications, because they feel unable to simply be themselves and be okay with that. How sad that is.<br />
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We all have a past, we all have stories to tell, experience to share, and we all have to find comfortable ways to inhabit these human frames in which we live. This moon is all about releasing old emotional patterns and ties; what would it take to liberate any remaining hidden aspects of yourself and to truly let yourself just <i>be</i>, exactly as you are and exactly as you wish to be? Why do you make decisions to censor yourself? I know for me, many decisions I make are prudent ones based upon the feelings and considerations of people I love, mainly my children. Adults can meet me in my radical honesty and make their own minds up, but kids can be cruel to one another and without the life skills to manage that cruelty, that's tough. </div>
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I am aware of the difference between a fear based 'secret' and a discernment based choice, but it's not always easy to make the call to freedom and truth. Why not sit tonight with the moon in her radiance, and dream a little upon what parts of you, you are hiding and see if there's any small risk you can take somehow to be just that little bit more authentically you. What old patterns are ready to be released so that your true essence can break free, and do you even know what that would look like or feel like?<br />
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There is no shame in truth when we speak with an honest and compassionate heart. Me, I've walked a crooked path in my time and there has been much healing to do, but I was born in purity and I will die in purity too. What I do with the bit in between is entirely my choice, and my greatest hope is that whatever those choices are, they will somehow, in some way, make this world a little better for my children, their children, and their children's children. </div>
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From what will you break free today? Let yourself be light of your burdens, for every bit lighter you are, you offer that knowledge and understanding to another, and therein lies the essence of true healing. </div>
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Claudia Biteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14712143763056800754noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6821761188549873440.post-42797354913261049652015-01-02T14:11:00.000-08:002015-01-04T16:00:44.267-08:00New Year; New Ways"Keep on doing what you've always done and you'll always get what you've always got."<br />
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It's 2015. What, if anything, does this mean to you? Do you step into the New Year full of resolve, full of 'resolutions' to change things, full of longing to be different somehow than you were yesterday, or last week, or last month?<br />
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Being a pagan witchy kind of a woman, I must admit that for me, new year always feels as if it falls both on November after the deep riches of Samhain releasing, or on Winter Solstice with the return of the light. "Happy new Gregorian calendar" is more like it on January 1st. That said, there is definitely something in the collective consciousness that takes us a little deeper into setting our intentions for our year to come.<br />
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So why do we make resolutions that suggest the rest of the year we are falling out of awareness of our deepest desires, soul longings and spirit callings? Being human is complicated! There is a mass seduction going on out there via television, the media and other influential corporations and institutions that can make it easy for us to fall into a kind of deep, somnambulant, and hypnotic paralysis. We forget! We lose the clarity of these visions, we lose sight of our dreams and our intentions as we became caught in old habits and patterns, busy-ness and the fast pace at which so many of us live these days. </div>
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The old ways taught us how to come regularly back into connection with our remembering - by working closely with the cycles of nature, change and transformation we're ever present in our lives. Nature echoes life, life echoes nature. We are not born into technology, we are born into presence, pure and simple presence. </div>
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So what does it mean that once a year, we all get into a resolute place of "I WILL CHANGE THESE THINGS"? Working with the cycles of nature, the moon and my own inner landscape means I am increasingly aware when I'm out of alignment, and when this is so, I tend to find that I am easily tripped up, engage more readily in tensions and conflict, disagreement or upset and forget the simple basic truth that we are all connected. Everything changes if we use our conscious mind to 'change thought change direction' or 'change energy, change pattern' as we sometimes say in tantra. </div>
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2014 was a year of transformation for me, largely revolving around intimacy, relationship and love and all that this means. Whether that be with family, partners, friends or my relationship with my self, transformation was <i>definitely</i> key. </div>
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Now the thing with transformation is that it is endless in its possibility; like the oroborus eating its own tail and eternally self replicating, we move through time in an infinite loop of possibilities all of which lead us with certainty back to the same place - US! </div>
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Yes! There's no getting away from it, all roads lead back to the self, so we may as well find ways to love ourselves, to love our lives and create the things we dream of right? The top five regrets of the dying are listed as:</div>
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1) I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.</div>
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2) I wish I hadn't worked so hard.</div>
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3) I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.</div>
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4) I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.</div>
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5) I wish that I had let myself be happier.</div>
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My mother's death in May of this year brought many of these into sharp focus. My throat chakra opened as I found the balls to speak out more in the areas I found challenging (intimate relationships). My habit of over working began to slow down….that's a work in progress but it <i>is</i> shifting. I've never really lived doing what others expect of me so my work therefore lies in dealing with the consequences of other people's projections around where they perceive my failings to be if I don't live the life <i>they</i> expect, and around other people's values being in conflict with my own in this case. Then, the lesson lies in finding peaceful resolution. I'm definitely carving out more committed time for friends and activities that nourish me this year, and without doubt, playfulness, lightness and humour and summoned to the party! </div>
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So, if you're the kind of person who comes to January loaded with resolutions, or if you're more like me and your intentions move with you around the cycle of the year, in either case, let it be more than lip service we pay to our deepest soul longings. Let our spirits manifest their deepest, truest expression of self in this coming year. What are YOU going to do about that? </div>
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In the words of Star Trek's Picard, let's not faff about…just make it so! </div>
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Claudia Biteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14712143763056800754noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6821761188549873440.post-85212683265114017282014-12-21T14:07:00.000-08:002014-12-21T15:06:37.285-08:00The Dark Night of The Soul.Greetings everyone, winter solstice is here. Long dark nights and short, dusky days. Biting cold and damp chills pervade. This….this is the shortest day and the longest night and here is where Persephone, deep in her Underworld home, takes with her the fruits and seeds of a fertile season as we have moved into dormant stasis. However, nothing is ever truly dormant, for there is life even in stillness.<br />
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As a Goddess, Persephone's personal journey can be seen as the epitome of balance between night and day, dark and light. Kidnapped by Hades and taken into the Underworld, it was said that she grieved so deeply for her previous life that she did not eat from the moment of her abduction. Moreover her mother Demeter, Goddess of earthly fertility, refused to allow anything to flourish above ground whilst her daughter was captive in her underworld prison. Zeus, king of the Gods, seeing the earth moving deeper into famine and barrenness, relented to spare further hardship and allowed Persephone to return to her mother and her upper world home. Perspehone, like Eve before her, Pandora, and a thousand other curious women, had eaten of the fruits of her dark home (pomegranate seeds) thus binding her to 'suffering,' and tying her to her underworld life for at least half of the year.<br />
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I love the symbolism in this mythology; I grew up on it. As a child, my mother read Greek mythology to me at bedtime; it became the essence of my childhood, a dreamlike mystical place where dark demons battled gods of light and women and men danced with lust, greed, envy, fear, and pleasure, love, honour, allegiance, and more.<br />
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At winter solstice, one of my favourite times of year and one that for me, holds so much more spirit and soul than Christmas, we are called to really enter the darkness and accept it. When we reject our darkness and our shadows, they have control over us. Similarly when we dive in and forget how to swim through it, we risk becoming stuck in it, reaffirming our pain, over and over and over. But what purpose is there to this life we live if not to find ultimate peace and harmony in being here? Why wait until we shuffle off this mortal coil to realise we've blown it by forgetting how simple it can be? Surely being human is about the remembrance that light must always follow darkness and thus darkness must inevitably follow light. Just as the sun rises and sets, as the dawn breaks and dusk brings night, so we too must hold faith that in our darkest moments, light <i>WILL</i> return as we mirror the patterns in nature and in the evolution of life.<br />
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It can be hard to hold that faith when in our darkest hours; we become attached to our suffering and fear takes hold, the ego gets busy, the monkey mind starts to convince us that we are alone in our pain, that no-one else understands. The danger is that in becoming over identified with it, we create more of the same and become locked in an endless <a href="http://www.nyu.edu/classes/keefer/hell/camus.html" target="_blank">Sisyphusian</a> cycle of repetition. We become gracious hosts to our very own self fulfilling prophecies; a sad table to feast at for sure, and so it is here at this pauper's seat when we must call upon our inner <a href="http://www.goddess.ws/kali.html" target="_blank">Kali</a>, our <a href="http://www.oldrussia.net/baba.html" target="_blank">Baba Yaga</a>, our wildest, most primal selves, or risk becoming lost in that sea of suffering, lost in an endless Samsara of pain and repeating patterns.<br />
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At this pivotal point of the year, as light returns, so we must understand our own cycles and stories. Our personal mythology must become alchemically transformed into gold, or it will surely consume us as winter and summer merge to become one endless torment, the contrast of light and dark becomes meaningless. Every one of us has some kind of cross to bear, each of us knows separation, each of us has known elation, for the human condition is a universal one.<br />
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This morning I awoke in the middle of a strong dream. In my dream I saw a man, a south American or Mexican man, standing over me pulling energetic cords out of my throat. He was cutting these ties and explaining to me what needed to be cleared, he was also teaching me the importance of resting and clearing the energy field when working this way. In other words, we can get help when needed and we are also responsible for taking care of our own needs. Community and self sufficiency; paradox in perfect harmony! <br />
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My invitation for the Solstice is that we all remember to return to the still point in the centre, the heart of our experience of a human lifetime, right here, right now. We choose in every moment how we respond to things. For me, I'm starting to look at the energy of resistance and what it creates to engage with this. Choosing instead, to call upon 'flow' and to move like water around a perceived obstacle or source of conflict, to respond instead with compassion, kindness and love whilst coming over and over into breath, self knowledge and timeless awareness. <br />
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There is an island…I'll meet you there xx<br />
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<br />Claudia Biteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14712143763056800754noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6821761188549873440.post-34699095479083632042014-12-09T15:10:00.000-08:002014-12-10T01:55:02.456-08:00Be Your Own Shaman! "The core of the earth is made out of the stuff of black magic." Rudolf Steiner (paraphrased in the book 'Breaking Open The Head' by Daniel Pinchbeck).<br />
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Reading this out loud this morning as I lounged about on a rare day off, here began a small exploration of the nature of 'self', of gender and of the dualistic notion of separation. I've been working with this quite intensively for the last few months, with it all coming to a head about two weeks ago in sacred dharmakaya ceremony.<br />
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Steiner, it turns out (I never knew much beyond his great schooling principles; my son went to a Steiner nursery when he was little and it was a blessed relief after mainstream schooling but that's another post), was an occultist, freemason and student of self mastery. I'm not going to say much more on this here as I don't know enough yet, so my words would be ill informed, save to say that I enjoy meandering down unexpected paths and it has indeed been the process of much of my life.<br />
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When I first heard the quote at the top earlier today, I immediately began to think of it in terms of gender; the dark, moist, cavernous centre of the beast, the belly and womb of the planet, referred to as the container for all 'dark magic' - the up above perhaps being perceived as masculine, outward, light? In this context however, it seemingly referred to the place where we 'bury' our rage, fear, shame, anger and other shady stuff, both consciously and unconsciously. To bring it therefore to light, we need to be able to first identify it, secondly, to challenge it, and thirdly, to transform it.<br />
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As a society we have become conditioned into shunning the intuitive (feminine), and the instinctive (neutral), and fearing the mystical - pastures of the insane or accessible only those with direct links via for example, religion. Instead, we have come to favour the rational (masculine), logical (masculine) and scientific (atheist or perhaps agnostic) explanations for things. We began to split, not only in terms of gender, but in terms of our core inner being; we became dualistic.<br />
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In becoming dualistic in our thinking we lost great parts of ourselves, and began to hide those parts that did not seem to fit with the acceptable mainstream view of how we are supposed to be, feel and think. What becomes even more confusing is that with social and political evolution, we aren't even sure any more what those dual roles are meant to be, and so we become even more and more dispossessed of our intuitive understanding, even further away from the idea of oneness and unity, and even more alienated from both ourselves and from others. </div>
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"Because we deny our intuition, because we don't believe in spirits or listen to our dreams, because we have banished our potential shamans to mental institutions and homeless shelters, because we have imprisoned ourselves within virtual shells of technology, it may be pathetically easy for ambiguous, super sensible entities (-) to continually operate on our minds, filling the vacuum we have created with sludge, anaesthetising us to deeper levels of wisdom." (From Breaking Open The Head). I find this sentence to be quite profound. What's worse is that we have become our own prison guards. We have successfully imprisoned ourselves by limiting all that we can be through fear, doubt and mindless projection! The great news is, we can transform that. We can turn our suffering into gold, our stories into healing and our separation into unity. </div>
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Pinchbeck goes on to assert that we live between 'egocentric materialism and spiritual nihilism', and for many this is true. However, there is a rising tide of evolution in my view and it is growing fast. There is a new paradigm birthing and people are waking up! In switching off the television, the Revolution will indeed <i>not</i> be televised! </div>
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But how can we cultivate and maintain a feeling of non-duality within ourselves? Are we going to sit and wait for "shamans powerful enough to suck the spiritual poison from our social body and vomit it out for us? Wizards who can tame these demons? Visionaries who can paint the way forward?"(Pinchbeck) </div>
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Here I'm inclined to agree with Pinchbeck in his summary, for he asserts that we must all become our own shamans, wizards and seers, and if "as spiritual warriors, we must take responsibility for the plight of our species" then we must indeed begin to understand the nature of this separation; it's what I would refer to as the 'original sin'. It's not that we were cast out from the Garden of Eden for having curiosity, but that we lost sight of the beauty for believing in the separation as a result. Evolution or God's Creation…it doesn't matter as long as the separation is banished.</div>
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Steiner's Rosicrucian philosophies were founded on the principle of self mastery. In this self mastery there are two forms: firstly mastery of the lower self in the form of everyday mirroring and awareness of our day-to-day self - how it functions, what it believes, and how this limits us. Secondly the higher form of self knowledge born of self renunciation; not so easy I hear you cry!</div>
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To discover self renunciation, we must first overcome ego. Of course we all have them, they cannot really be escaped but they can most certainly be tamed. A powerful driving force, each of us has the tendency/habit to believe that our own personal version of life is the best, is the 'right' one and to disown, move away from, or become extremely uncomfortable when that version is challenged too hard. Yet for me, my greatest knowing is coming from beginning to move away from this idea of right and wrong, and to move back into balance, into harmony with life, with the 'other' and with myself. When we balance our characteristics, we start to understand from the perspective of 'otherness', from contrast, from true equality. In this point of stillness, there cannot exist conflict, only flow and acceptance of the 'is-ness' of life. And in this lies freedom. In this lies the true heart of LOVE, and who indeed would not want to return to that place? </div>
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To get there, to return to love, we must look for guides, look for mentors, look for teachers and trust ourselves and our own discernment. We also need to recognise the mirrors, and then, we must call ourselves out! I find humour a fantastic tool for taking myself down when my ego is over inflated. Before we can truly laugh at our own shortcomings and misconceptions though, we first need to find them. Dig deep, dream hard and love well, and with those intentions we will surely all start to find our way 'home'. </div>
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Claudia Biteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14712143763056800754noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6821761188549873440.post-80116289705915555462014-12-03T15:47:00.000-08:002017-07-17T12:14:35.522-07:00Protect Me From What I Want: Porn Just Got Dirty!So, porn in the UK just got seriously dirty and we need your attention here people!<br />
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Yesterday, a new law was passed in the UK making a <a href="http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/a-long-list-of-sex-acts-just-got-banned-in-uk-porn-9897174.html" target="_blank">list of specific acts</a> illegal in porn in this country. Now, this list has absolutely NO bearing whatsoever on anything that could be considered even remotely helpful, healthy or healing. In fact, the opposite would appear to be true in that upon closer scrutiny, it seems to serve to further marginalise people and groups already feeling the sting of this kind of irrational legislation or their place in the existing social pecking order, in particular women, the LGBT community and the fetish world.<br />
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Now, I'm an open minded sort of a woman; I've explored my sexuality in as many aspects as I can think of throughout my life, with some exceptions of course, I mean not everything is my tasse du thé after all. It would be fair to say however, that I felt that one of the safest places for exploration I've ever experienced was in fetish clubs where my boundaries were always well and truly navigated and respected, and the breaking of those is in fact seriously frowned upon within this community. Diversity of sexual expression is also most welcome: Leave your shame at the door please. Not every place or person respects this of course but nothing in life is really like that is it, and as far as it goes, these places always felt extremely SAFE.<br />
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From my explorations of fetish and BDSM, I can also say that 1) I throughly enjoyed them, and 2) No children or animals were hurt in the process and 3) I was kinda proud of my flogger marks and pleasantly stinging buttocks! So what gives here? Surely this is quite an innocent sentiment below...<br />
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Haven't us Brits always found the delicate 'thwack' of leather on willow a pleasure (cricket), or the whistle of air as crop hits thigh (equestrian pursuits) an unparalleled delight? Hasn't the scrum down in rugby always resulted in more than 'light' bruising? But that's ok because it's sport? And what about boxing? Cage fighting? Wrestling? Judo? I could go on - all consenting sports that often require a willing acceptance of the risk of injury. Well aren't I entitled to be the arbiter of that in my own sexual expression? It would seem not, for when we add sex into the equation, suddenly there's a flurry of outrage and censorial judgment. If it's about valour and the honour of your team or your country that's ok, but if it's about pleasure it's not? This double standard has to stop and I don't mean just in relation to sport but in relation to gender. The new law makes face sitting an illegal activity on the grounds that is "potentially life-endagering"! And female ejaculation? Please educate me as to how this can be deemed worthy of a total ban? I think I must be doing something wrong here because I am genuinely perplexed!<br />
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But I don't think it's because we are getting anything wrong actually. I think what is at play has some strange undercurrent of a regressive and perhaps ulterior motive. Is this part of a strategy of some sort? These politicians aren't stupid, so how can anyone with any intelligence whatsoever deem that it's not okay to face sit, but it is ok to aggressively face f**k (where a man thrusts his wonderful pride with some degree of brute force into the open mouth of a woman). It's okay for a man/group of men to ejaculate all over a woman but not okay for a woman to ejaculate over a man? It's not okay for me to consent to you spanking me and leaving a mark or two but it is okay for a boxer to knock an opponent into unconsciousness? The way I see it is this, if I consent to you spanking me, well I'm an intelligent woman and if I want it I will have it, if I want to watch it, I want to watch it. The key words are here: '<i>consenting</i>', and '<i>adult</i>'. I don't need a nanny and I don't remember employing one. Funnily enough there's a whole genre of porn based around adult babies, where one adult plays a nannying role over another, in that instance it's clearly defined role play but with these state governed censorship laws it's simply offensive! </div>
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No, what's at play here is far more sinister. When I was a student we saw the evolution of the "Off The Shelf" campaign to remove porn from all top shelf placement in shops. Now in our technological age it's the 'ban online porn' movement, only there is no consistency, no equality, no logic or reason and plenty of hypocrisy. I don't actually like a great deal of porn. I find it seriously lacking in imagination, tenderness, and eroticism and way too loaded in control, aggression and false representations of gender and intimacy. I prefer my sex connected, present and full of integrity. Whether a one off or a relationship, whether vanilla or wild and dirty; as long as it's full of that connection, presence and honesty, and not riddled with guilt, deceit and shame, then I'm ok with the variations on the theme. </div>
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If you care about freedom of speech, and if you think that to educate your children, rather than conceal, ban or imagine rather foolishly that human beings aren't naturally curious about sex, and from an early age too then please sign the petition. If you think that surely it's better to communicate than to ban, then please <a href="https://www.change.org/p/david-cameron-mp-remove-regulations-for-video-on-demand-pornography-amsr-2014" target="_blank">sign the petition</a> - and let our politicians know that frankly it's us who will show zero tolerance to ignorance rather than you to your people by demonstrating no more than your petty moralistic judgements. My crop is simply buzzing for a bottom to whoop over this one and I bet I'd find that bottom in the corridors of Westminster in full enjoyment of a bit of illicit sexual frisson. Mr Cameron, you have made a grave error with this one! As usual our sex has become a class, gender, and choice loaded gun and you're pointing it in all the wrong directions. So I have only this to say….</div>
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Claudia Biteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14712143763056800754noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6821761188549873440.post-22082646859190202014-11-25T23:27:00.000-08:002014-11-26T00:40:52.056-08:00The Heartbeat of LifeThe other day I was chatting with a friend about watching people in their flow, and the great pleasure one gets from really seeing someone utterly connected to what they're doing. This actually arose when discussing DJ's and turntablists and observing that when the DJ is connecting with their craft, whether that be with vinyl, Traktor, a mic, or other; when you see a person loving what they're doing, the expression of their craft becomes a pure extension of them. It becomes the language they use to express themselves. It is their heartbeat made manifest.<br />
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One of my teachers <a href="http://www.ritahraiz.com/visionary-art.html" target="_blank">Rita Hraiz</a> says all great DJs are shamans of the dance floor. I love this! Who can say that when they've been to the best gigs, the best music nights, they haven't come out truly moved. I'm not here talking about the kind of energy that requires drugs to create it or to uplift it, but the kind of energy born of contagious passion; contagious heartbeat. </div>
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I got to thinking about how we express ourselves in life. For me, it can be about when I'm holding sacred ceremony, or when I'm juicing in my shop, in a bodywork session, a kiss or simply in a conversation that inspires or excites me, challenges or touches me somehow. My expression, the essence of me, permeates my being, enters my words, my actions and my presence in any given moment. I think it's the same for others, only here's the problem - we are human beings and we forget. </div>
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My shamanic teacher <a href="http://northerndrum.com/" target="_blank">Chris Luttichau</a> says "We are born remembering who we are; the first enemy is forgetfulness."</div>
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I love this saying. It reminds me that in essence, we are perfect and we are born knowing all we need to know in order to be who we're supposed to be, but we become conditioned by society, by our parents, by our friends, by our teachers, and most of all by fear. Fear is a 'contracting' emotion - it shrinks us, and in my opinion, it's the opposite of love. It's not hate but fear that's the opposite of love, for when we're in fear that's the only place that 'hate' can survive. When we're in 'love' it's not possible for hate to exist. </div>
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Over time, fear becomes our teacher. A cruel teacher, it sits punishing us over and over for our 'stupidity' and our naiveté. It laughs at our mistakes and taunts us with its petty and limited responses of sarcasm, criticism and malice, where love supports us through compassion, curiosity and transformation. We need to banish fear in order to find our heartbeat again, and everything has a heartbeat….the universe is pulsing all the time and we are indeed truly connected. We hear this a lot: "Everything is connected; we are all one", but what does it really mean?</div>
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For me, it means that ignorance cannot live in the midst of that realisation. When we hurt others, we are hurting ourselves, when we judge others, we are judging ourselves. We are all capable of great love and great fear. We are all capable of acting out through our conditioning or choosing instead to make other, new and healthy choices. We are all accountable! The good news is that becoming accountable opens the doorway to love, to genuine love born of that compassion I mentioned above, and of wisdom and inner knowing. That doesn't mean we have to like everyone we meet, but we can certainly try to love them! </div>
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I've been watching a film called <a href="http://earthlings.com/?page_id=32" target="_blank">Earthlings</a> this week. It's really distressing. It's about our relationship with animals, and how we use them (pets, food, zoos etc). It's an important film to watch despite the upsetting images. It doesn't mean of course that the world will go vegan overnight, but what if it just opens the gateway a little more to our understanding of the action/reaction chain, the cause/effect chain, the need/response chain? What if we could find ways to really begin to understand that our actions have power and consequence? Surely this would be as liberating as it would seem limiting? </div>
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Ultimately, when we begin to recognise our true connectedness to all things, to all actions, we begin to live in the present moment so much more fully. We start to inhabit ourselves properly and this inevitably means we have to look at our places of discomfort in order to live in the moment without trying to run from it, disown it or project it. I love projections! They are such powerful messengers of where our inner work lies. So let's soften into our beating hearts and find the things that connect us over the things that separate us. Let's find our pulsating, beautiful, strong and loving heartbeats and express that beauty in our conscious waking lives. And above all remember….</div>
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Claudia Biteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14712143763056800754noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6821761188549873440.post-36121297648345639772014-11-19T09:20:00.001-08:002014-11-19T14:50:06.553-08:00Eating The WildI read a quote this morning, written by a man named <a href="http://www.buhnerhealinglyme.com/" target="_blank">Stephen Buhner</a>. Stephen's quote went as follows:<br />
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"One of our greatest fears is to eat the wildness of the world. If we eat the wild, it begins to work inside us, altering us, changing us. Soon, if we eat too much, we will no longer fit the suit that has been made for us. Our hair will begin to grow long and ragged. Our gait and how we hold our body will change. A wild light begins to gleam in our eyes. Our words start to sound strange, non-linear, emotional. Unpractical. Poetic. Once we have tasted this wildness, we begin to hunger for a food long denied us, and the more we eat of it, the more we will awaken"<br />
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This quote really struck a chord in me in a week where I have been giving much thought about what it is to literally 'eat our wildness'.<br />
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In shamanism, the totem animal who walks with us teaching us how to embrace the unknown, the shadow, the night, the darkness, is panther. Panther treads softly stalking her prey, assessing her terrain. She knows when it is time to act, time to hunt, time to rest, time to be still. Panther is lithe and untamed. He does not question his instinctive nature. Where does your wildness live inside of you? Do you recognise its call or do you literally 'eat your wildness' and refuse to give it a voice through fear?<br />
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Now, imagine this - if we begin to eat <i>the</i> wild rather than <i>our</i> wild, we begin to discover what it truly means to be free and to unlock our potential for expansion. Nutritionally, living food contains a light force that many of us don't even recognise as our diets and lifestyles have become so processed and contained, controlled and packaged, and delivered to us as lifeless addictions. We don't even know how to distinguish between an addiction and a real physical need any more. Our wildness has been sold back to us as extreme sport, long holidays (a break from our 'reality'), or romance that doesn't have any relevance to truth. Our wildness is sleeping the long sleep of an eternal winter; Sleeping Beauty awaiting her kiss.<br />
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But what if the kiss we await is the kiss of our own wild nature trying to touch us? What if that wildness was given breath and held in the reverence it surely deserves? What if we stopped self censoring, judging and projecting and instead became fearless warriors of the heart?<br />
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I'm summoned to thinking about this in a week of synchronicity, change and finding my way back to centre over and over. I WILL EAT THE WILD! I will eat the fruits of life and my clarion call is to radical honesty.<br />
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<i>I desire that my suit no longer fits because guess what…I did not employ the tailor!</i><br />
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I desire that the wild light enters my eyes, that my gait changes and that my words become poetic. Not the poetry born of self indulgence, but that born of truth. Is it so hard to find that?<br />
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Why do people squash themselves into small boxes, somehow being less than they know they are? How much courage does it require to start to release the wildness in us? Gabrielle Roth, founder of <a href="http://www.5rhythms.com/" target="_blank">Five Rhythms</a> was once quoted as saying - "It takes a lot of discipline to be a free spirit" and I couldn't agree more. Self awareness is key, and courage is our main weapon.<br />
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I ask for Radical Honesty in all my relations, <i>for</i> all our relations. The Native Americans can be heard referring to something called 'The Children's Fire'. Sitting around the fire in Sacred Circle, any decision thats's made in this Council comes from a place cognisant of the seven generations to come. How does this action affect my children, their children, their children's children? Imagine that for a mind bend! But basically it's about honour and integrity. It's about taking responsibility. For me, truth telling can be a challenge as I'm sure it can for many; not having clarity, not wanting to hurt others, or not yet knowing how I actually feel about something, all of these factors influence to greater or lesser degree my ability to be radically honest, and yet, as long as that's my intention, then I'm doing ok.<br />
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No more sleeping beauties. No more to lack of nourishment coming from dead food, dead parts of ourselves. No more unmet hungers that can be fed by truth telling. ONLY truth telling. No more passions locked away. But let it all be done in the name of LOVE. Self love first and foremost for without that, our wildness cannot even recognise itself. And I love you all. Aho!Claudia Biteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14712143763056800754noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6821761188549873440.post-53785152703002190302014-11-10T13:53:00.001-08:002014-11-10T15:40:59.846-08:00When I Get This Feeling…I Want…Sexual Healing.<span style="background-color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: normal;">"Most western sex is necrophilia; one dead body having sex with another dead body" - Joseph Kramer.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black; font-family: Verdana; font-size: normal;">When I read this quote today, I was in absolute agreement with it. No brainer. Sex is dead. Long live intimacy! </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: normal;">Many years ago now, I came across a book by a female performance artist and former sex worker Annie Sprinkle. At the time, I'd never heard of Annie nor come across her work, but this book, entitled "Annie Sprinkle's Post Porn Modernist" changed my life. Annie spoke to me about her sexual evolution in ways that were heartfelt, humorous and sometimes heart-breaking too, but then such is life. Her vivid descriptions of her up-bringing, adolescence and her journey (or perhaps deep dive) into the explorations of what it is to be a liberated sexual being were so incredibly inspiring. Annie seemed to have banished shame! This intrigued me. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: black;"><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: normal;">I have been fortunate enough to meet <a href="http://anniesprinkle.org/" target="_blank">Annie</a>, and at this meeting I was rapidly introduced to the magic that is Ms Sprinkle as a room full of people were taken into energy orgasm streaming </span></span><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: normal;">right next door to a room of policemen and women, policy makers and officials deep into bone dry conversations of the cerebral type. The orgasmic noises filtering through the thin walls with increasing volume were just so delicious, and I can tell you now I sincerely wished I'd attended 'the other' break out session at that conference! </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: normal;">From this meeting, this conference, a litter of ideas were birthed, giving rise to the Sex Work Re-Assessed Conference here in the UK in 1998. This joint project led by myself and two colleagues from The University of East London (Dr's Wendy Rickards and Merl Storr), came about after that trip to Los Angeles, where seeing so many create and change so much by giving a massive platform to that which is often unsaid was utterly inspiring. Perhaps in those days, funding was internationally more available, people were talking more about this stuff and there was a real buzz around sexuality, not a 'dry' buzz but more of a wet slippery one! Sex workers were speaking loud and proud and this is what they were saying…</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: normal;">But what is sex? what is sexual expression? Who gets to decide, and who gets to legislate? Personally speaking I don't ever want to witness a repeat of '<a href="http://www.spannertrust.org/documents/spannerhistory.asp" target="_blank">Operation Spanner'</a> where in December of 1990, 16 gay men were given custodial sentences for consenting BDSM activity. Key word there = CONSENTING! So, the issue with sexuality for me lies in the distortions around it, and the value judgments which are seemingly inextricably tied to it. A bondage of a different kind! </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: normal;">For me, it doesn't really matter <i>what</i> you do in bed, it's more about <i>how</i> you do it. As Joseph Kramer so succinctly puts it above, many of us are dead or dying from the waist down when it comes to the fine and exquisite art of truly 'love' making. Neither the hearts and flowers Mills and Boon kind, nor the opposite kind of the style you may find in a fetish club, for both can be equally besieged with a lack of true connection to the self and the other in my view. No, Joseph has nailed it (no pun intended!). </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: normal;">For me, the three keys are breath, communication and presence. Being brave enough to really speak about what turns you on and off, where your energy is flowing and stuck, and truly making the first forays into stopping with the acting and starting to become the key player in your own pleasure maps. Following a path of Red Tantra has led me into the body in ways I could never have previously imagined. Without having to use fantasy as a tool to get off, one becomes able to use presence as the greatest erotic aphrodisiac on the market, and the good news is that it's free! All of the add-ons can be fine of course, but even then, if we default to major fantasy without fully remaining present to who is in front of us, what we are sharing and how we share it, then it's game over. If you're lucky you get a great O-gasm, if not, a somewhat deflated feeling that you've sold yourself short somehow. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: normal;">But what if you don't sell yourself short? What if you don't make love as one 'dead' body to another? Then, does it matter if you are paid for it or not? If you're tied up or not? If it's a one off or an ongoing thing? No! The whole point is, that you are truly alive and inhabiting your body, your sexual self and your personal erotic map in absolute and utter presence, and that my dears, is where the nectar <i>truly</i> lies. In integrity. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: normal;">So let's hear it for all of the Sexual Pioneers, healers and adventurers out there making this world sexier one way or another. I for one am grateful for each and every one of them. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: normal;"><a href="http://www.shaktitantra.co.uk/" target="_blank">Shakti Tantra</a>, <a href="http://www.sarahrosebright.co.uk/" target="_blank">Sarah Rose Bright</a>, <a href="http://www.sexologicalbodywork.com/doku.php" target="_blank">Joseph Kramer</a>, <a href="http://barbaracarrellas.com/" target="_blank">Barbara Carrellas</a>, <a href="http://anniesprinkle.org/" target="_blank">Annie Sprinkle</a>, <a href="http://dodsonandross.com/" target="_blank">Betty Dodson</a> et al. Thank you for being there sexing up the planet! </span></span>Claudia Biteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14712143763056800754noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6821761188549873440.post-14046978859983891942014-11-09T14:05:00.002-08:002014-11-09T15:02:31.185-08:00On Communing With Reggie KrayHello Sunday! This evening I'm here to chat with you about life and how we live it.<br />
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Sometimes, as my general attitude to life is positive, vibrant and full of optimism, people mistake this for naiveté. We all make assumptions about others right? What do you assume about people? Do you know their story? I saw this post on my friends Instagram a while back, I kinda liked it - it said:<br />
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This, amongst other things recently revealed got me thinking; why <i>do</i> we make assumptions about others? Why do we project and disown our own shadows? Why do we tell half truths, blatant lies and distort reality? My feeling is that often it's not coming from a malicious place but a fear based one. We are all scared underneath, to a greater or lesser degree, and the greatest distortions in my opinion are born from fear, the antithesis of love. We may ask ourselves, what can't I say when I feel this? Why do I feel so exposed if I speak my truth? We're all so damn scared of rejection and it goes back a long way, often to early childhood, where obviously if we feel afraid of abandonment there isn't a much greater place of terror as we're not able to take care of our own needs at that point. Children are great at forgetting stuff so deep trauma can be utterly erased, however that 'soul loss' will remain until revisited and healed, if not, it will have a nasty wee habit of resurfacing every time the wound is opened and sometimes we don't even know what opens it, only how to close it fast!<br />
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So by the age of 19, in the depths of serious addictions and fully immersed in London Gangland and all that came with that, my fears were pretty well masked. I was lost, but paradoxically thought I was super sussed and had it all under wraps. I didn't. Underneath I was a scared young woman; the problem was I didn't really know it and so there was a certain inevitability about the things I had to 'learn' before I could become aware and therefore make changes, and it seems the Universe had decided tough lessons were to be my thing.<br />
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So what do we do when we call in hard lessons? We sink, or we swim.<br />
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So, like Dorie, I just kept swimming. My Grandmother always said that I narrowly escaped death over and over. I now consider she may have been right. As a result, the woman you see today is self aware and damn grateful to be here, to be alive and to be clean and strong. I have the stamina of an ox and the balls of a rugby team and if anyone thinks my optimism is born of ignorance, its not, it's born of learning my lessons the hard way and learning them well. So why am I telling you all this? Well I think its because it hurts me to see beautiful souls locked in fear, scared of telling the world, their partners, their friends, their bosses, their families, who they really are. Scared of saying what pains them, and what uplifts them, what they truly desire and need, what they are struggling with and what they have to share. Afraid of being 'exposed' at any given moment, of upsetting others, or of losing our perceived securities, we learn to shut down those parts of us that allow us to be vulnerable and yet it is only in our vulnerability we have any chance of really becoming alive, joyful and whole again. Take me to my heart and nail it to the altar of love please!<br />
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So at age 22, it came to be that I was sitting beside Reggie Kray in Parkhurst Prison discussing his book draft for Reg Kray's Book Of Slang (not then published), his life and how he got to be there, and it all seemed perfectly normal to me. In there, he was a pretty ordinary guy believe it or not. Not very well, weakened by years in jail and the lifestyle he'd led, but quite unassuming beyond his reputation.<br />
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Once this man was young. Once he experienced distortions that shaped who he became and what became of him. Accepting responsibility for our actions is important. Not demonising a person "oh I could never do <i>that</i>" because who knows what we are capable of when not ourselves, when pushed, when influenced so absolutely by our peers, and our conditioning. It's not that though is it, it's what we do with what we've been given, what we choose in the moment. Blame, judgement and criticism are usually shadow projections. So I'm all for transparency and kindness these days. Communicating and allowing the vulnerability to crack me open. Everyone has a heart; look for it and don't ever stop looking.</div>
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As for me, I will allow myself to be open to criticism because of two things: One, it doesn't touch me as long as I'm comfortable in my own skin and choosing love over and over, and two, your criticism is not about me, it's about you! </div>
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And so I call to Courage, Truth, Integrity, Love, Transparency, and Gratitude and ask that they continue to shape my life and the lives of those around me. I expect radical honesty in my primary relationships. In being brave enough to speak your truth, you gift me with the ability to speak mine in response, and that is truly a blessing. </div>
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So, let it be beautiful. Let it be. </div>
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<br />Claudia Biteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14712143763056800754noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6821761188549873440.post-27301541602912449422014-10-26T02:31:00.000-07:002014-10-26T02:33:22.230-07:00The Cosmic Orgasm of LifeThis week sees your Hostess Claudia looking into and pondering Creation Myths and the general disconnect from the physical body and the act of union/communion.<br />
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After a beautiful day out in Wales on Wednesday with Barry Spendlove from <a href="http://www.healingtaobritain.com/" target="_blank">Healing Tao Britain</a>, I was left, as usual when out on Barry's walks, in a state of presence and contentedness. Barry is one of the most embodied people I've ever met, and walking with him with his deep knowledge of the land around Wales, nature in general and the physical form, provides a really strong base from which to engage with the interconnectedness of our own bodies and the body of the earth. Observing the deep sunsets, engaging with the trees, with the feeling of Autumn approaching, the earth changing and yet also ever present in stillness, led me to what I can only describe as a state of bliss. This in turn got me thinking about sensuality and sexuality in general, and to wondering how many, if any, creation myths actually involve the physical in a sexual way and what that energy of creation and dissolution is about.<br />
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Nature has an exquisite way of mirroring sex. Just observe on your next walk how many trees, plants, flowers and rocks can hold an essence of this most natural act, and yet then consider where we, where the world came from, and how disconnected from the sexual this usually is. Generally we know that the increase in organised religions around the world saw the decrease of shame-free sexual expression. From early natural expressions of sex, amongst mammals and other animals and amongst people, gradually we saw a decline in that naturalness and an increase in judgement and censorship. Over time, we began to hide our sexual drives and to judge them. We became our own inner critics, and the ugly trinity of shame, guilt and fear began to take over from beauty, joy and bliss. Basically - we forgot.<br />
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So as I walk in nature and observe everywhere the essence of change, of growth and new life in spring, of decay and release in winter, and the beauty and magic running through all seasons based in that essential re-creation, I am left wondering why so many of our creation stories do not involve the physical expression of that. I found mainly one, a Japanese myth about the God Izanagi and the Goddess Izanami. It is said that these two made love with appetite and with passion, thus giving birth to eight of the Japanese islands.<br />
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What eventually happened to Izanami was that when she gave birth to one of her sons, a fire God, this birth was too much for her to bear and the fire consumed her - interesting right? Here is this passionate, sexually confident Goddess and the fire she gives birth to burns her up! So I'm left wondering about all of this cosmic bliss; it's a beautiful thing to feel, to experience and to contain. Orgasmic streaming of the kind that comes from deep, spirit connected, embodied sacred sex is without doubt a potent force for creation. Are we afraid of that energy? Are we shying away from harnessing that life force? Are we overly concerned about the physical aspects of sex when we should be focussing on the energetic ones in their most pure form, and by 'pure' I don't mean of the kind judged on a moral basis. </div>
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Life is beautiful. Nature is powerful. Sex and sensuality can be a gateway into presence and into bliss. Let's get rid of the distortions around it, open up the dialogue and welcome the great Cosmic Orgasm of Life! </div>
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Leave me your comments on life, energy, nature, sex, creation. I love to engage with people!Claudia Biteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14712143763056800754noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6821761188549873440.post-17896893514622517132014-10-24T15:17:00.000-07:002014-10-25T13:49:56.915-07:00Kissing as Communication.It's been a while since I've written here. January in fact. Since then, my life journey has continued, as it always does, following all manner of changes, twists and turns, each turn more healing, each more revealing than the last.<br />
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I am currently on sabbatical from my own healing practice in order to focus on my personal journey towards increasing clarity of what I do, and do not, want in my life. With my mother's passing in May of this year, and the deep grief and shock that went with that, something inside me truly changed. Slowly, over the process of her leaving her physical body, in this plane, I came to accept many things about what it is to be alive, to have the gift of a healthy body, a healthy mind, and the recognition that I had absolute agency for choice in what to do with my life was so strong it was almost more of a drive than a passing thought. "Make the most of life Steph" was all I could hear, over and over. Do not waste time trying to fix things that can't be fixed, instead, lean into the grief, feel it, move through it and let go.<br />
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And letting go is not always easy as we know.<br />
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Letting go requires courage, faith, hope and trust. It demands stillness and presence. But if we cannot let go, then how can we create space to breathe into new things, new opportunities and new life. When your hands are full of the baggage you're already dragging around with you, there is no room in your heavy arms to carry anything else. Let go. Feel and let go.<br />
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Love is one of the hardest things of all to let go. All of those hopes and dreams we shared. All of the visions of growing old together with a whole lot of shared memories, all gone into nothing? But it's never 'nothing' is it? Every person or situation we encounter along the way is an opportunity to learn more about ourselves, and about our personal dreams. If we can share those that's great, if not, then it's time to let go.<br />
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So lest we dwell in the place of nostalgia, let's make space for the excitement that comes from really getting to know yourself. Being alone can be a perfect opportunity to tune into our own rhythms, desires, strengths, vulnerabilities and so much more. Being alone is like the compost for the soul. We enter the void and become masters of our own egos. Here I am in the silence and I am uncomfortable, lonely, fearful, angry, or peaceful, blissful, turned on, content. Probably a little of all of those things. At some point the balance has to tip. If not we are stuck in depression, isolation. If we can allow it, we move into the exquisite place of peace and self awareness, and suddenly we find we can see out once more. There are friends there waiting to hold our hand. There are people…and people are interesting if we remain inquisitive enough to want to know more.<br />
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And so, as we begin to see the people, we begin to find our curiosity again. Who are you? What do I see in you that must also be in me? You interest me. I am you. You are me. We've had time identifying our true self, our drives and desires and our deepest dreams. We know what we want that little bit more than we did when stuck. There is so much freedom in letting go! Slowly we may find our interest is piqued. Someone smiles, and we return the smile. We begin to feel a fluttering of new possibility and the dance begins all over again, however slowly, however fast. Without the learning, we will most certainly dance the same dance and trip up in the same places. With the right wisdom, we can start to learn new footsteps and new dance routines. </div>
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And then comes the kiss. </div>
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Kissing is an art. But not an art in itself for it is actually a communication. Last night I dreamt about a kiss, a strange kiss, two pairs of lips sealed together but not moving. And in my dream I could hear myself saying "No! Kissing is communication. I want you to communicate with me, respond to my kiss with your kiss. Let your kiss be your silent words, your offering and your response to my kiss, my silent words, my offering." In my dream I knew absolutely and utterly that a truly great kiss is 100% communication and 100% communion. Anything less is an act. Dropping into that place of communion is not always straight forward though, and for me, kissing is one of the greatest tantric acts. To be fully present to the intimacy of another human being and to yourself gives a kiss all that it merits. It is a beautiful thing. And it is communication. </div>
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So let go, let go, let go. Dive deep into life and all it offers you. Whether alone and in between kisses, or together and in the midst of them, let them be wonderful, or let the promise of them be exquisite but waste not your time on kisses that are not reciprocated. Waste not your time on kissing into the wind when the wind could carry your beautiful kisses towards someone waiting to catch them, someone waiting to communicate with their mouth on your mouth, their lips on your lips, their heart present to your heart. That way, even if it is only ever one kiss, one moment, it can never be a lost one. </div>
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Claudia Biteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14712143763056800754noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6821761188549873440.post-90901626280407176472014-01-24T15:23:00.000-08:002014-01-24T15:23:11.889-08:00Dropping The Veil - What Can Tantra do for you? Tantra, an ancient practice for modern times. Tuning into the body, the soul, releasing, letting go, surrendering and communing with the Spirit.<br />
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I hear so many people express how tired they are of hiding their truth around intimacy, the body and sexuality, and I share that because it's good to know you're not alone. Isn't it? What I've noticed in my practice is the absolutely inescapable flood of relief that crosses people's faces when I simply reflect back "yes, I hear you, that's normal" or "oh that's common."Usually a smile crosses their faces, followed by a genuinely surprised "really?" This myth that it's only us, the myth which keep us so small, well it's a potent jailer and we are taking a first step towards freedom in understanding that we are not alone after all.<br />
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More people come to me with that opening sentence than any other - "I'm tired of hiding, of not being able to be myself," or "I'm tired of feeling stuck and limited in my relationships when it comes to sex and intimacy." So, when we start our tantric journey, the first thing we look at is how to identify who that 'self' actually is, and get clear on our intentions for transformation. Starting with the goal and working backwards we will begin to take apart, or paradoxically, construct, a strong sense of self around our unique maps for pleasure.<br />
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For many of us, we have lived carrying messages, beliefs, energy and ideas that are not even ours, and these freeloading hitch-hikers have occupied so much of our lives that we often times don't even know what the possibilities would be without those beliefs. Who would I be if I could let go of….(fill in blank)?<br />
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In my practice, when a client steps through the door, I first off acknowledge their courage for getting there; true tantric practice is not for the faint hearted but it is for the Warrior of the Spirit. Recognising the courage required to get there, we then enter into sacred space, co-creating what those sessions will look like. I work quite intuitively once the process is started, acting as a vessel for receiving any clues or keys into unlocking that which is ready for change. To see a client begin to understand what may have been a challenging block, or a sticking point, and to see a client leave feeling encouraged to try to change things out there in their daily life fills me with wonder. In releasing armies of loved-up, conscious, open people, the ripple effects can only be good yes?!<br />
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Using a combination of bodywork (massage with intention), breath work, visualisations and other tantric structures, we begin wherever is fitting to the person sitting in front of me. Some clients are clear about where their blocks are and others have no idea. Some come knowing what they want to work on, others go with the flow of trusting the process. Some are very shy, others ready to dive right in. All are good.<br />
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It's important to say here that living in a tantric way is not about just sex. Tantra may utilise the powerful force of sexual (creative) energy but it's so much more than a manual of techniques about how to get great sex, in fact in essence that couldn't be further from the truth, though in finding its essence, great sex is usually a guaranteed outcome in my view. What makes it great? The truth makes it great. Integrity and authenticity make it great.<br />
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When we release shame, guilt, fear, anxiety and trauma, we create space for pleasure, real embodied pleasure to occupy that empty seat. I invite your questions about my work, my sessions, my one-to-one and group work possibilities. I invite to to step into freedom from the restraints and restrictions you have been given, instead offering up the change to place yourself in the drivers seat. Not all restraint is dull!<br />
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<a href="http://www.stephmagenta.com/">http://www.stephmagenta.com</a><br />
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<br />Claudia Biteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14712143763056800754noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6821761188549873440.post-23783022001852698072014-01-17T14:43:00.000-08:002014-10-29T15:07:36.517-07:00Life and the lessons of Walter MittyI'm six cocktails in. I've learnt that life does to adhere to six cocktails. I've learnt that life squeezes out of the confines of life, and that if you let go, then life has its way of showing you different perspectives.<br />
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I went out for tea. But then this dynamic started up. Someone told someone I was seeing them, just to stop another someone from feeling something that previous someone did not want to, or know how to, deal with. So I sat there wondering how the hell I found myself in this Walter Mitty moment. I kinda like the guy who was laying claim to this lie, he's a friend, he makes me laugh, he is vulnerable, he is real, and so I sat with the lie watching it unfold, despite my discomfort.<br />
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Many years down the line, many stories later, and life just has this way of showing me that it's never as simple or straightforward as it seems. It's all just us making the best of each moment. Were we animals, we would most likely accept this without needing to understand it, just be in the moment and let it go. But being human and having an ego driven intellect, we need to understand and compute, well I do at least, and yet there are times when emotion is rough and ragged, when we don't know what else to do but lie. Save me father/brother/sister/mother for I have sinned!<br />
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So this guy tells someone else he's seeing me, but he's not, and in truth I'm raw in that emotion myself, but he tells it to stop another someone from entering into the illusion of emotion, of hope, and therein lies the issue, hope; one motherfucking cruel bastard that occasionally has us by the balls. You see - what if we dare to believe in hope? You live this life and it's only as 'real' as the hope that the unfulfilling reality you may find yourself living in, will pull you out of where you are, to take you to where you desire to be, and that destination - love, contentment and comfort, well who would not want to be there right? It may feel like a long way from home and sometimes it can most certainly feel like the magician's trump card, the ultimate illusion, for if we do not create the life we desire and live in conscious creation, then hope may as well be the genie in the lamp. </div>
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Life sets us challenges. It creates tasks on a par with those of the princess locked in Rumplestiltskin's tower (or if you're a man think Hercules with his monumental challenges), tasks that call us over and over into truth. And I must be frank when I say I don't really live in that duality world of consciousness any more. I love life. I've walked the path of messy chaotic versions of truth and for me, it's just too much to manage, it breeds toxic emotions and confused people. So now, I choose the simple, honest version of life, the one in which the ego is no longer the King. The one in which the ego, recognised for its weak and futile grasping style of leadership, is banished to the deserts of shame and insecurity, and can lie amongst its fellow thieves of fear, confusion, unfulfilled longing and the like. Me, I hold no court for these petty pirates of authentic living. </div>
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I arrive home humbled once more. I know that the older I get the more I see people hiding their true desires which then become distorted, for in hiding, the masks of illusion gain power. We are all walking our individual hero's journey. Walk tall and choose truth. Or be fallible and accept the mess. Both have merit. Both contain wisdom. The best we can do…maybe summed up below! </div>
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<br />Claudia Biteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14712143763056800754noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6821761188549873440.post-42294264351279391362014-01-08T10:27:00.001-08:002014-01-09T12:25:12.343-08:00Does My Vulva Look Big In This?Following on from the seemingly very popular theme of writing fairly explicit blogs on taboo subjects, we come to today's frankly titled piece 'does my vulva look big in this?'<br />
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The reason I chose this somewhat direct title was manyfold, but first and foremost it is to serve to blow the lid off another extremely taboo area for open discussion, the wonderful diversity of women's genitalia. Now, you may wonder why so, and why the play-on-words title? We've all heard the question "does my bum look big in this" which has become an almost ironic statement in it's chronic overuse, yet it masks something deeper and far more distressing, the fact that so many women suffer body dysmorphia to some degree or another. </div>
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Body dysmorphia is a condition in which you see yourself as disproportionately different to how you <i>actually</i> look, and how others see you. "Oh my god, I'm so gross" "Oh my good look at my arms, I can't wear that" etc, and yet it would seem that this works mostly one way, in the way of women wanting to be slimmer, skinnier, more toned, more lean, and not so with slender women wanting to be bigger. I don't think I've ever heard an 'oh my god I look too skinny in that" and yet I'm sure as many naturally slim women struggle with their body image as do larger, more curvaceous women, largely due to the 'public gaze' and the common icons of perfection presented to us as our aspirations and ideals for beauty. Ultimately, the female form is massively diverse and yet the mainstream media work hard to convince us that any shape outside this perfect ideal is unattractive, and what absolute bollocks that is! </div>
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Today's post is not to focus on this subject though, it's to go one step further into the no-go zone of the discussion of women's vaginas, labia and vulvas, and how here is one area we would rarely be able to joke about or say out loud (as with the bum question) despite the fact there is a pit of hidden insecurity around it.</div>
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Whilst on my tantric path, I have heard so many women voicing deep dissatisfaction and self hatred over the subject of their labia and vulvas. All this pain and yet the truly sad thing is that the diversity in this part of our bodies is as different as the colour of our eyes, and some of us do indeed need a map to find out own way there, never mind a way into willingness to share this part of ourselves joyfully with our lovers. </div>
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In tantric teachings, good ones that is, I've been fortunate enough to witness many women really transforming the way they feel about their genitals. Women with large labia discovering they're not the only ones, women with really hairy pussies facing off women with neat little shaved ones, discussing and understanding the differences and the commonalities. How they look, smell and taste. Discussing and airing our true feelings and recognising just how much of that is a product of the perfection model we're all made to believe exists <i>but is actually an absolute and utter myth</i>. I recommend the book below as a starting point for conversation, currently available from Amazon; basic but helpful. Tell yourself, tell your daughters and your granddaughters, tell your mothers (they often came from generations where it was even harder to talk about this stuff). </div>
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I also recommend that women start to seriously blow the lid off these subjects of taboo conversation by getting the truth out there, by replacing the lies with the wise! Some women, like my friend Thea (who has shared this in her recent book <a href="http://www.amazon.co.uk/Growing-into-MySelf-Thea-Euryphaessa-ebook/dp/B00CTSZFX8" target="_blank">'Growing into Myself'</a> so I'm not speaking inappropriately about her private stuff here) undergo surgery on their labia for real reasons of physical pain. Some of us are seduced into considering it simply as cosmetic beautification and this is where it gets truly disturbing. Surgery to tighten our yoni's, replace our hymens, cut our labia, or remove our clitorises, this is where my temperature starts to rise really rapidly. STOP! Refuse this affront to our womanhood, and dive instead into the pleasure to be experienced in our bodies and our naturalness when we finally begin to realise that there is no such thing as a 'normal' vagina. No such thing as a 'normal' labia, normal vulva, normal bum or normal body. They're alien constructs a bit like those baby charts that give new parents endless reason to worry where none is necessary. It took me three children before I started ignoring those dots on the charts telling me my baby was 'out of normal range' - "Great! I'm so glad to hear that" would be my response now, "and tell me, what is normal anyway!"</div>
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So let's start this dialogue, the one about our less than perfect bodies, for we look more like this:</div>
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than this:</div>
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And as we can see from the image above, 'this' doesn't even exist! Our genitals are as diverse as our genetic blueprints so try this one out for size too, another great book for changing the way we think about the gentitalia (women and men), their appearance and how differently we experience pleasure according to our intimate body shape, size and form. </div>
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And whilst you're at it, let's try giving them some positive messages. Tell them how FABULOUS they are and if you can't do that, at least try and befriend them just that tiny bit more, as step by step we heal our wounds. And you could start by visiting this wonderful <a href="http://cherishthecunt.com/cuntcraft/" target="_blank">bunch</a> (click link) - workshop coming to Manchester very soon…register your interest here! </div>
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*painted image of two women above by Aleah Chapin</div>
Claudia Biteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14712143763056800754noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6821761188549873440.post-18172666738943402712014-01-04T12:32:00.004-08:002014-01-04T15:38:01.682-08:00Self Pleasure Versus MasturbationGood evening all and welcome to 2014! My second post of the year sees me contemplating an altogether different subject, the subject of pleasure and how you get yours.<br />
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I was well into my fourth decade before I first heard the term 'self pleasure', and when I did, I admit that it didn't sit comfortably with me. It reeked a little too much of good-girl-squeaky-clean syndrome and somehow seemed a bit 'icky'. Personally speaking, I'd always preferred my fucks to my made loves, my cums to my climaxes and my wanks to my self pleasures. And I'd always chosen words like cunt over vagina, pussy over the euphemistic lady-garden and perhaps the worst one ever, front bottom!<br />
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So for me, coming across the phrase 'self pleasure' was a tantric exploration as much about the semantics and their message as it was the form and structure.<br />
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Many of us grew up either being told that it would make us blind, it was dirty or it was just something for dark, silent corners that we all knew about but no-one ever discussed, perish the thought. And yet we also knew from an early age, damn this feels good! So for me tantra blew the lid off all of that negative collective consciousness around sex and sexuality, intimacy and the body, and as someone never too backwards at coming forwards, I didn't even know how much further I could go!<br />
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I'm still a tiny bit twitchy when I use the phrase self-pleasure as it's just not really me, but I'm getting better at it, you could say that the 'L' plates are off and I'm on the road but not there yet, wherever <i>there</i> is. However I also feel that masturbation sounds so damn clinical, so somewhere in between the two I guess I sit on the proverbial fence waiting to see upon which side I 'cum' down (pardon the pun).<br />
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Some of my heroines, women like <a href="http://dodsonandross.com/" target="_blank">Betty Dodson</a> and <a href="http://anniesprinkle.org/" target="_blank">Annie Sprinkle</a> really broke through so many taboos in their work. Betty's famous books Sex For One, Celebrating Orgasm and the like, and Annie's absolutely seminal <a href="http://anniesprinkle.org/a-public-cervix-anouncement/" target="_blank">Public Cervix Announcement</a> really broke the mould when it came to smashing the silent barriers of shame, guilt and fear.<br />
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Using her own body, Annie offered up to her audience the chance to see and discuss the deeper, darker, mystical caverns of a woman's body, pleasure and psyche. Her openness encouraged that in others. Her work inspires me to this day and I salute her contribution to sexual progressive thought, feeling and action. Annie's book 'Post Porn Modernist', was one of the first books I ever bought, read cover to cover and have treasured ever since. </div>
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I'm more comfortable with the term self pleasure since discovering tantra, as I can now relate it to the many different ways of experiencing pleasure, and I guess the key for me has been one of taking my pleasure back for me. It's not about me giving it to anyone else, performing or feeling obligated to some reciprocal deal in the bedroom, but how I can give and take pleasure by really owning it, understanding it and revelling in it. Self pleasure could actually be about anything, eating, sleeping, running, gazing into the eyes of your beloved, running a soft bath, resting, whatever it is so long as the intention is there to pleasure the self. In receiving well, we learn to extend that and in turn, to give well, and I'm not sure its possible to give well if you can't receive well. How can we ever hope to do that whilst masturbating silently, quickly and under cover of darkness? So yes, I am beginning to love the term, and to relish my private moments of bliss, and in those moments, masturbation seems far to limited a terminology. </div>
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The french call orgasms 'la petite mort' or 'the little death' and it's true that in my personal moments of ecstatic bliss I probably come closest to that infinite zero point of nothing-ness, the primordial soup, the essence of a small death. The website <a href="http://www.beautifulagony.com/public/main.php?page=about" target="_blank">Beautiful Agony</a> is worth a browse and Clayton Cubitt's highly erotic '<a href="http://claytoncubitt.com/hysterical-literature/" target="_blank">Hysterical Literature</a>' project is just another orgasm waiting to happen to be quite frank. Beautiful, erotic and intelligent, it also opens doors into how we witness pleasure and where that witnessing can take us. There's so much out there, go explore and have fun! It's all about the bliss and nothing about the shame. </div>
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<b><span style="color: #cc0000; font-size: large;">Get orgasmic, its good for you! </span></b></div>
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For more teachings on tantra and sexuality, I highly recommend <a href="http://www.shaktitantra.co.uk/" target="_blank">Shakti Tantra</a></div>
Claudia Biteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14712143763056800754noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6821761188549873440.post-70336061022666216092014-01-01T14:28:00.000-08:002014-01-01T14:29:57.454-08:00Working With Moon and Year Cycles. Today sees a new moon on the first day of the new year. Evidently a rare combination especially as there are two new moons in this month, both 'super moons' a term used to refer to a moon which is closer to the earth than usual making it appear larger and brighter. A fitting metaphor that for this year, from what I'm reading, we are really being called to 'walk our talk.'<br />
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Now, I've never been one for shying away from processing my 'shit', although it's also true that I've spent my fair share of time digging deep holes in futile attempts to bury it for just a bit longer! But this new moon, on a new day, in a new year, well it seems to have strong resonance for me.<br />
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New moons are all about setting intentions, not the kind that every January 1st sees (resolutions) based on not being happy with aspects of ones weight, smoking, drinking or excessive habitual behaviours, but more about actually taking time to really sow seeds about what you invite over the month to come, and if you expand that by 12, the year suddenly becomes consciousness epitomised.<br />
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When working with moon cycles you can effectively amplify your intentions by bringing into awareness the cycles of nature and her ebbs and flows. Everything around us is in a state of constant flux and transformation and we are no different. Once upon a time, women who worked with moon cycles (outside of our monthly bleed) and nature were labelled witches, and yet we all live in a cyclic nature of renewal and rebirth. So how can we begin to harness the power of this omnipresent waxing and waning of both the moon, and the energy of the year.<br />
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Time it seems, is speeding up. I don't know about you but 2013 seems to have passed in the blink of an eye. My previous blog post lists some of my personal achievements through the last twelve months, and this year my intention is to continue harvesting my goals, values and visions for this beautiful planet, and to sow the seeds that will make my contribution worthwhile. I have children. I consider what legacy I am leaving them. What will they know of me and speak of me when I am old and gone? How will they describe me to others? Hopefully as inspirational, as a person worth emulating, as a great mother and a worthy role model. When I look through the eyes of my children I am humbled and I am motivated beyond the ego dramas, the distractions and the pitfalls and so it makes sense to see the world reflected back at me through their eyes. A perfect silent witness.<br />
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Each month at new moon, write a list of around 8-10 intentions. Keep them clear and simple. Write them as if you have achieved them already, no ifs, buts or maybes. No barriers or hesitations. Keep the list visible. At full moon, take your list and reflect upon it, cross any off that have already manifested, and perhaps keep the list under a candle or bowl or other sacred object. Full moon is the time for going deep within and letting go, for releasing that which is not serving us. New moon energy is like the in breath to the out breath of full moon. Multiply this with awareness of the earth cycles and the old pagan festivals, the solstices and the equinoxes, the cross quarter markers, and you can really start to tap into the energy of nature and her natural waves and tides. Get conscious! One love, one life. Live it!<br />
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<br />Claudia Biteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14712143763056800754noreply@blogger.com0