Lingam Lust!

Following last week's post about Pussy Power, this week sees your Hostess with the mostest contemplating the delights of the lingam, or in non tantric terms, the cock. Personally I've long since held a healthy delight in the pleasures of the male body, the cock and the moment of penetration.

The first time I ever read an Andrea Dworkin book, which for me seemed to hold as its fundamental premise the demonising of the act of penetration as an affront to all women, I just did not get it. As a woman in her power and in her pleasure, I could not see how this consenting pleasurable act could be reduced to a symbol of power over simply in its very nature. I certainly didn't feel dis-empowered when I chose to make love in that traditional way, and so I naturally began to wonder who these women were who so disliked the act, and indeed why something as beautiful as making love could hold so much of the worlds imbalance in its simple essence. Men were being vilified and Andrea was not cutting it for me!

How could these beautiful and varied aspects of our bodies warrant such disdain and dare I say it, even hate? It's dangerous territory when we start making things become symbols of other things; making all men demons because some wield power rather than love with their strength. Making all women weak because some choose to stay in a role that serves them rather than truly take ownership of their strength too. Making assumptions because of cultural or gender or race based differences is incredibly short sighted and often results in the battle of right and wrong where there can never ever be a 'winner', only one who either compromises or one goes to 'war'.

So, back to the wondrous lingam and its magnificent presence. As a Tantric massage therapist, I get to see a lot of different bodies; yonis, lingams, backs, legs, arms, shoulders, every damn bit of it, and every single one of us is totally unique. Injury scars upon tight spots upon the fluidity of a flexible spine, upon the curve of a back or the weight of a thigh. I love working with bodies and am in total respect for the people who bring themselves forth to learn more about their capacity for pleasure, and one major aspect of this is to begin to undo the negative programming so many of us experience around our bodies and our sexuality.

So, see the image above...how many of us really hear that in our childhoods and youth? I know I did and it is totally outrageous that people can attach so much shame to our bodies based upon such lies. In Taoist practice, and in Tantra too, it's possible to get to the point where orgasmic bliss can be achieved even without any movement between two intertwined bodies. Energy and breath combined with consciousness alone can create such incredibly heightened states of arousal and pleasure that it becomes easy to see the beauty in our own bodies and those of our chosen partners or lovers, and who wouldn't want to try that out for size? Who would chose to place faith in what they experience as physically, intellectually and spiritually untrue?

I know for me, reverence for the lingam is the same as reverence for my own yoni and for the whole of the body. It's a human being I'm looking at and connecting with first and foremost, and how could that be anything other than beautiful? Let's lose the games, the myths and the propaganda about sex, about intimacy, about bodies and about romance and instead, choose love, which of course can only start to become possible when we start to work on first fostering a sense of deep self respect. As my teacher Hilly says, "most of us enter relationships holding in front of us a begging bowl saying 'fill me up', and yet until we approach our lovers with our own bowls full, it's not possible to truly give and receive love". I could not agree more, and Tantra works really effectively at taking us into the celebration and honoring of our bodies, our minds and our souls, so why would we ever choose otherwise?

Pussy Power!

The power of Pussy! Today's post sees your divine hostess Miss C discussing my favourite thing (alongside sex and lingams/cocks that is), the pussy, or in Tantric terms, the yoni. The word yoni literally translated from its sanskrit origins means 'sacred cave' ~ I like that...sacred cave; a sense of which we have lost within our fast moving, goal oriented, sexual culture.

The pussy is actually an incredibly beautiful, sensitive and potent thing and yet there is so much negative mythology attached to it, it hurts. It hurts us as women to suffer the calls of 'fishy fanny', flabby flaps, beef curtains and other such ugly labels. It hurts us as a gender and what's more, it hurts men too because it denies them their hearts to revert to such simplistic yet powerful anti-pussy assault.

I've recently heard more than a few stories of how us women feel about our pussies, the negative messages run deep friends and it's time we shouted out a bloody huge STOP! and de-mythologised the notion of perfect pussy. They don't exist any more than the perfect cock exists. The range of men's and women's genitalia is enormous and there is beauty in our individuality beyond imagining, so the message of my blog today is "DON'T BELIEVE THE HYPE!"

After hearing my friends stories, listening to my daughters, and observing what is going on around me I was more than delighted to come across this wonderful website recently, the purpose of it being to celebrate the diversity of pussy! To heal, to de-bunk, to normalise...large labia? you're NOT alone? Don't listen any more to those false messages and judgmental reactions. We are GORGEOUS in our variety I tell you...gorgeous!

Beyond my positive affirmations howeverthere lies a deeper sadness for all that we have lost as men and women in our culture as our sexual expression has been led so far from our wild and juicy nature that it's created deep deep wounds that need healing and need light. If I had one wish here it would be that woman and girls really honour our/your bodies in the most positive, joyful way possible and start to recover from the negative programming. No more vagino-plasty! No more stitching up and cutting off in the fruitless pursuit of perfection. We stand proud like the old sheela-na-gigs holding open our sex for all the world to see..this is it...this is ME!

and here for your delight and fascination, reverance and revelry, is the website I mentioned World of Vagina ~ Enjoy!

Tantric Bliss & the Cosmic Orgasm of Life!

Good evening dear readers...it's been a while. I've been busy establishing my own tantra and healing client base, which has in turn led me to be into the midst of setting up my own Tantric Temple in Manchester, UK. I'm really excited about this prospect for so many reasons, but most of all because I get to earn a living doing what I absolutely LOVE! How long I've dreamed of finding my own path, envied those who've always known theirs, or had a clarity I felt I was lacking in manifesting their own vision and sense of purpose in the world. Now, I'm delighted to say, I have found mine. "Do what you love and you'll never have to work a day in your life" is the mantra, and it's fair to say that doing what you truly love in life cannot ever feel like 'work' or a chore.

Over lunch with a lovely woman last week (read her blog here), we came to discuss the hero's journey, the Jungian concept of our journey into our true selves, and how our stories form us. I've never really been able to understand how all of my experience in so many fields of human sexuality could form my own story in a way that would make any sense to me. As an self determined 'outsider', yes I could relate to my edgy, non-conformist attitudes to life, my open minded, non-judgmental acceptance of the many shades of (way more than) gray in sex and sexuality, but how did it relate to my life path? Surely I was destined to be more than a 'former hooker'? Surely there were ways to bring sexual healing into the world that did not either pathologise, or get stuck in the analytical framework of 'head' and intellect based psychotherapy, which was not for me. I'm not for one moment knocking that practice, it can have a hugely important role to play in a persons self development, but it wasn't for me. And then I found tantra.

Since discovering tantra, my life has begun to flourish in ways I could have never imagined, and now that I'm fully embracing client based healing work, I'm full of gratitude every moment for those who come to see me. I genuinely *love* my clients, love that they bring me their open hearts and their willingness to heal, transform, change, move past that which may limit them, let go, surrender and truly experience the pleasure that is all of our birth-rights.

The transformation of negative attitudes is the foundation of my work. The messages that we have heard so often that we came to believe the lie, live in our bodies and our souls, and our spirits cry out to release them. Through Tantric bodywork I firmly believe it is possible to truly release this baggage we carry, most of which doesn't even belong to us. From the first moment we are caught self pleasuring and told that it is 'bad', or 'dirty', that we 'should be ashamed of ourselves' and more, we come to embody those ideologies. Why should exploring our own bodies to see how our pleasure feels be so bad? Why are we so stunted in our naturalness that we cannot even allow ourselves, as consenting adults, to really understand the liberation in pleasure? Feel comfortable in our nakedness rather than exposed or vulnerable? Through Tantra we can adopt a different viewpoint, and one of the things I love more than anything about this work is its inherent connection to love, respect of the self and of others. It is deeply honoring work in the truest sense of the word. As a woman, I have the right to say yes to things as much as I have the right to say no, and through tantra I am discovering where my 'yeses' lie. Through my work, I offer you the same respectful invitation to discovering your very own pleasure principles, and let me reassure you, we are all totally unique in our individual formulas. For me, this work has taken me into orgasmic living. I can feel pleasure in something as simple as washing the dishes, driving my car, talking a nap, walking in nature, making love, cleaning the bath out, whatever it is, so long as I do it mindfully, it is a blessing and confirms my aliveness in every moment. Tantra has led me to the cosmic orgasm of life, and I invite you to share in my journey, for as the image below says, how can we know how far we can go until we risk going that little bit further?

Oh Bondage, Up Yours!

After a weekend's revelry at this fantastic event, I am home, spent, full of gorgeous, healing, creative inspiration and more than a handful of delicious memories dancing through me.

There is a huge part of me that has really missed 'playing' in fetish clubs, and in fact missed just being around what I lovingly refer to as my 'tribe', my kind of people, people who know their sexuality, celebrate it and enjoy it respectfully, with consent and very much in control of their own boundaries. As a woman who has experienced a huge range of sexual expression through my life, I find it a joy to be around others who are open, non judgmental and considerate of that expression in others. The Night Of The Senses Ball, organised by the ever devoted Tuppy Owens, raises money for the fantastic charity Outsiders which highlights the sexual and personal needs and desires of people with disabilities. All of her events are fully accessible and the services offered within them equally so. I had the pleasure of working in the Tantra Temple this year where a good percentage of our visitors were disabled, wheelchair users. Not just that, but kinky disabled wheelchair users!

So as the evening progressed, and I took my breaks from the delights of the Temple, I got to play in the dungeon for a while. Now some of you may wonder what on earth anyone gets from this kind of play, yet it remains true that high street chains like Ann Summers see an increasing growth in what I call 'light bondage' toys and clothing. Someone, somewhere is getting this urge! As for me, well, the pleasure of the sensations I can explore through consenting BDSM can quite easily take me into ecstatic states of heightened awareness. I love the feel of the flogger on my skin, the heavy thump that gradually builds to a tantalising soreness, still bearable though. The cane and the crop, so much sharper, so much more stingy and more inclined to make me tense my muscles in some paradoxical anticipation/fear, and the 'misery stick', a sensation I've not previously known which was so incredible it felt almost like a sharp electric shock coursing through me, leaving me breathless with joy.

The further into the sensations I go, the further into feeling and the further into my body, the more I unlock, the more pleasure, the more history, the more healing, and at the same time the greater the sense of my own boundaries and strength. It's a psychological playground, an emotional arena, not for the faint of heart or spirit but definitely worth the chance you may take to see what's in there. It may not be for everyone, but as my parents said whenever I refused my peas, how can you know you don't like it unless you try it?!!

If you're in the North West of Manchester this coming month, why not try for yourself, in a safe, supported environment what it feels like; ask the questions you've never dared to ask? We will be hosting the fabulous Popping Your Kinky Cherry with the equally fabulous London Faerie , and I for one, am VERY excited about this! Why not come and join us...see for yourself, feel for yourself, ask for yourself. I promise you will not leave disappointed!

The Three Keys

Tantra; sexual pleasure and exquisite intimacy for grown ups or sex marathons for pop stars? What is it and what do you know about it?

For me, the discovery of tantra was like coming home; it answered in me a deep calling that I'd been longing for and never before found. It made perfect sense. It saw the marriage of my beliefs around spirituality, sexuality and sensuality come crashing at me like one of those full body orgasms I'd only ever heard about but never quite experienced, and then there it was.

The practice of tantric sex is actually not really about 'practising tantric sex', more that you just allow the possibility of becoming much more conscious and present in your body and in your connection to either your partner/s or your self in your sexual explorations. That's to say you don't get a "to do" manual but you do get lots of really useful and important tips on deepening your ability to really feel your sexual energy, to raise it and to use it to benefit your health, well being, your sense of self and your vitality on every level. I guess it's like anything else that you commit to studying, only probably quite a lot more fun whilst you're in the learning stages than say...learning about car mechanics (unless you happen to be a little kinky about cars that is!)

Basically, we've been having sex for a very long time. Somewhere along the way, many of us got loaded with messages driven by guilt, fear and shame about that, and we began to hide parts of ourselves that we may have felt more freely able to express before we decided that these negative messages we'd been given must have been 'true'. At the same time, our own sexual expression became distorted through our own investment in keeping other parts of ourselves hidden, riddled with false notions that we are not okay, that we are somehow 'less than' due to the constant barrage of media representations of love, lust and romance; in fact of just being human within a complex western culture. Here is what we aspire to right? (see below)

But most of us don't look like the photo above, don't want what the photo represents, don't live like that, or have that kid of lifestyle/body/money/skin color etc etc....but it is what we should want according to the popular press. Hell when my brother got married one well dressed guest sidled over to me asking the classic "is it you next then?" and when I answered that on the contrary, it was not what I wanted at all, he took one look at my tattoos and henna dyed hair and replied "no, I shouldn't think it is dear" and I was royally snubbed for not wanting what everyone is supposed to want!

So, for me, tantra and the liberated exploration of intimacy and sexuality has been a bloody goddess-send! I love men! I adore women and I love sex! I love peeling back layer upon layer of my own sexual expression and the possibility of it and I know that there is so much more to learn. It's taken me half my life to get to this point and damn fine that I did before I got lost in dry humping, headache city or porno-rama fakeness! Don't get me wrong, I'm not knocking porn per se but it cannot be the only outlet for sexual fantasies or we'd be well out of balance!

In tantra, the 3 keys to great sex are really very simple: breath, movement and voice but you'd be surprised how many of us are not even getting that simple formula 'right'. It's true that any kind of sex will most likely mean you're breathing and moving at the very least (don't get me started!!) only here we're talking about conscious breathing and conscious movement. As for voice, well I shriek like a banshee (Mr Bellocq recently said I would concern the parking warden on the National Trust car park if I didn't tone it down a bit and I can honestly say it was a first to be mid cum and have parking regulations brought into the equation!)...so yes, I shriek and I speak and I moan and groan and I cannot actually find my sexual self without my voice for the most part. So yes, I want the dirty, filthy, tender, loving, sassy, noisy, connected, sweaty, soft, hard, pounding, gentle sex that is all of our birthrights should we wish to take up that mantle. Tantra is offering me that full range of expression. Check out some schools and discover for yourself...you could do worse for yourself than open your heart and your mind (and your legs will certainly follow!)

more on tantra to come....meantime, have fun, respect and stay smutty!

Boys who do Girls who do Boys...

Good evening readers....today you find your divine hostess Claudia with a rare night to herself, no lover, no responsibilities, nothing to do but dream and ponder. What to do? Watch a bit of Anna Span chick porn? Or maybe create myself a bit of Tantric healing space all for me...or perhaps a movie or two. First off though I find myself, for many a reason contemplating boys who like to dress as girls or rather, men who love to cross dress. It strikes me there are many of you out there, I've known several and certainly every chance I ever got to attend a fancy dress ball or party, the numbers of men who love to dress as women were generally off the radar! Yes guys, given half the chance it would seem you love nothing more than the feel of nylon and silk against your skin, and who can blame you?

Us women get to play with our appearance on a regular, well daily actually, basis. Hair, trousers on our more masculine days, power dressing when we feel the urge, heels or flats, soft skirts or layers on our more floaty days, and what do you get? Trousers! And not in many varieties either, no wonder our clothes and our freedom to try out our different aspects through our apparel appeal to you, you poor inhibited beasts!

One of my ex lovers used to have a passion/fetish/unmet need for dressing up in womens clothing but felt terrible shame in doing so. Personally I didn't have a problem with it per se, I mean look at Grayson Perry and Eddie Izzard and how incredibly possible they have made it for men to express themselves differently, yet it's sadly fair to say that for most average men wanting to try wearing womens clothes, a fair bit of abuse and prejudice may be encountered pretty soon along the way. Public venturing? Not for most of you. Pioneering women such as the amazing Miss Vera (pictured below)

have made it possible for some men to begin to explore, without criticism or judgment, their feminine drives and desires, to try it on for size if you like, and to really explore this side of themselves, whilst sexual pioneers such as my heroine Annie Sprinkle continue to work tirelessly towards a new sexual revolution that encompasses a holistic approach to the free expression of our erotic selves. So, whether you want to look like this

in your boy girl dress, or like this...

what is it that would stop YOU from feeling free to do so? to admit to your desires? to play with them free from guilt, shame or fear? Wouldn't it be great if we could foster that permission and stop judging and attacking those who wish to simply explore their sexuality more fully. We can change the world one moment by one moment, one person by one person. I find myself more comfortable in the company of sexual renegades and adventurers. Long may we reign!

Sexual Freedom & breaking the bonds

What does "sexual freedom" mean to you? It's been coming to my attention for years now that we are so bound by our ideas of ourselves and our ego-centric senses of identity that most of us don't even know we're captive any more. We have sex for so many reasons; duty, obligation, guilt, fun, love, money, stuff, approval, pressure, connection, release...and yet all too often we often don't even truly SEE our lovers any more, yes ladies and gentlemen, we are both prisoner and jailer at the same time!

Sexual energy is creative energy and properly channeled and acknowledged can be a most blissful and healing thing to fully experience, so what stops us? Media ideas of beauty can be intimidating, social notions of romance can create disillusionment, familiarity; does it really breed contempt or is it a platform from which to truly get to know our lovers and their pleasures? The more I dive into my Tantric journey, the more I realise how vast the range of both experience and pleasure is, how different our bodies are and how varied their/our needs. I used to be afraid of the term 'sacred sexuality' fearing it would lead to a kind of disowning of my more carnal side, my archetypal (or actual!) 'whore' or playful 'slut', however given the right teacher/teachings, just as with any other spiritual discipline, light, dark AND shadow can be fully embraced and played with. Enough of the guilt of being a sexually active, liberated woman in pursuit of hot sex! Enough of the judgment and labels...time to re-claim our power, and that goes for men too. Not power over but power of self expression in healthy, respectful, playful and celebratory ways; truth-telling!

Many cultures have historically known this, and here in the west, where I'm from, we have the gift of exploring many aspects of our sexuality with a great deal of freedom too, however there are things we need to bypass first - the erotic police invest in the suppression of sexual energy knowing its potency is great and its potential for liberating us phenomenal. Yet who 'polices' our sexual expression in truth? Mostly we do a very good job of this ourselves. Our 'phnaar phnaar' attitudes and 'Carry On Up The Khyber' mentality keep us protected, safe from the fear that we may not in fact be "getting it right". Once upon a time there were temples of sexual healing and the women who worked in them were considered Priestesses and highly revered, and yet now, so few work with sexual energy in this healing way, and yet there is change coming.

Sacred Intimacy is a phrase becoming more frequently heard as women and men long for something different, desiring of healing our sexual wounds and our erotic nature, which can be so many different things. I recently met a woman who works within the UK National Health Service and was so deeply saddened to hear how many women she comes across with great trauma and shame locked into their bodies and souls. Women afraid to look at themselves, who will not even touch themselves and who have disowned themselves from the waist down. Women who believe their genitals to be ugly rather than a thing of great beauty, and I'm sure there are as many men suffering the same disconnection. There are as many different types of vajra (cock) and yoni (pussy) as there are hair types, eye shapes, noses, bodies yet we persist in subscribing over and over to the myth of 'sameness' and aspire to some kind of non-existent sense of perfection. Breaking out of that is POWER-FULL and liberating. Allowing ourselves to truly love our bodies as they are, and to learn to name our pleasures is just as potent. BREAK THE BONDS and find the true expression of your sexual self...I promise you, you cannot fail to enjoy the ride, even if a little bumpy at times....