My Summer of Deep Healing

Blessings Familia! I start by honouring the commonality shared by many a tribe across our divine planet, our love for Madre Terra, Pacha Mama, our Mother Earth.

The end to this summer of 2013 has proven to be one of revelation, integration and manifestation on so many levels. Starting out this year I'd never have guessed it, but as part of a longer journey into wholeness it's been pretty fabulous all in all. Actually let me re-phrase that for what I've learned is that we are already perfectly whole but it's more that we've simply forgotten that fact. RE-membering is the trick. Re-Calling in our divinity, but sometimes we need a hand with that remembering yes? And so, from a synchronistic moment at a summer festival, which led to a random and unexpected meeting with David Icke, which in turn led to a book landing in my lap, a book which left a profound imprint upon my soul, and through that story (The Shaman's Last Apprentice) I found myself gently led towards our plant teachers and the facing of many a fascination and a fear.

I've held a sense of distant reverence for the mother vine, more commonly known as Ayahuasca for some time now, however the key word here was 'distant'. I've given a cursory glance or two to many a website or article, thinking that really it was more for others this particular pilgrimage, than it was for me. Truth be told I was fearful of its potential potency fearing two things: first, that following a few bad acid trips that this too would be some hellish and inescapable journey resulting in my certain madness, and secondly that my personal 'demons' would engulf me, leaving me in tatters, a shell of the woman I once was, unable to put myself back together again. Now, having since followed the series of synchronistic events that led to my initiation, I can clearly see how unfounded these fears actually were, but I voice them on behalf of others who may feel the same, for I know we are many. In voicing these fears though, I found myself experiencing so many strange and timely meetings and people that I was left in no doubt that I was meant to be doing exactly what I was and just 'listening' to these messages. 

Now, at this point my blog post could get very lengthy! I could give all the details of these random events and tell all about how they brought me to a place of communion, or I could just tell you that I got there, to that magical place where the soul is bared and the heart revealed, truly revealed, for us to bear witness to our tiny and somehow insignificant place in this amazing Universe, insignificant and yet holding so much capacity to choose to do either harm or good with the custodianship of our planet. What I learned about myself that was perhaps the single most liberating thing for me was that in letting go of fear, control and some false beliefs about my inner demons, that my 'freedom' lay on the other side of that fear. I learned that it is never possible that these fear based ego voices can be greater than us, for they are simply a part of us, one part of the whole, and that the whole is pretty wise and knows far more that the vessel we inhabit, this body, in this lifetime, insofar as knowing that we are absolutely meant to be here and have a unique role to fulfil whilst being so. 

When you journey with the mother vine, you see beyond doubt how ultimately connected we all are, to each other and to the earth, to our history, our evolution and our future, and it is the most breathtaking realisation I've ever experienced. It is impossible to contemplate doing harm to it, or to consider a return to living in the same ignorant ways we may once have done, when we have seen and felt what magnificence truly lies beneath our feet, and the possibilities for what sustains our lives and the lives of generations yet to come. I envisage clean water for my children and my grandchildren, I envisage fresh air and good food, enough to share with all, and I know that this is infinitely possible if we can but release our fear riddled grip on our need to possess, and take endlessly without giving back. 

So this summer, I've taken part in several plant medicine ceremonies; Ayahuasca, San Pedro and Komba (the venom of the tiny, somewhat cross looking, emerald green Amazonian tree frog). I've been blessed to spend time in the company of people truly awakening to other possibilities, people open to love, open to healing, and open to honouring not just the self but the planet. People committed to standing in integrity, committed to forging new pathways and changing what is for what can be and in that witnessing I am left humbled and deeply peaceful. I'm surprised by that sense of peace because for the first time in a long time, I feel that change is not only possible but is inevitable and it starts with our relationship to the self. Deep peace must be possible to conceive within before taking deep peace outside of ourselves, but more than that, it has to be a kind of selfless sense of peace if we are to truly create transformation and change in our world. 

Honestly, I don't know where to begin in sharing the magnificence of these experiences but I am full of gratitude for the people who have been there with me, and to those I have yet to meet on this path. My teachers have been as much the wondrous souls holding the space as the other people courageous enough to show up and share. There are many pioneers and adventurers who have gone before me, Shamans and ordinary people, visionaries, healers, scientists, artists and psychonauts. People desperate to make changes in their tough lives, who seek to live anew, people who are just curious, people who are open mined, social engineers and lovers everywhere. All I can say is Health and Healing be ours Brothers and Sisters and AHO to that! 

Alex Grey affirms that all we need to know is already inside us, and how ayahuasca takes us there.

From The Sacred To The Profane

Once upon a time Prostitutes were Sacred Healers. Women were revered as the Goddess, men as the Warrior/Hero. Once upon a time our connection to love, to our earth, to our higher self and to simplicity outweighed our occupation with fear, pollution, base desires and conflict. Somewhere along the way we found ourselves lost and the Sacred Prostitute became the Whore, the symbol of all ill. For some, this fall is connected to the Garden of Eden and the Fall From Grace, though personally I've never been able to relate to a story that casts any god or ascended being as a punishing one (except maybe Kali who offers a kind of tough love!) nor to a story that suggests women's curiosity unleashes all manner of evils and suffering into the world. For me it's far more complex (and yet paradoxically simple) than that - we forgot. We forgot our divine essence, our holy nature, our true nature; the nature of love, compassion and innate wisdom.

The prostitute has become the symbol for the distortions experienced by women around the divine feminine. She* is the vessel into which we can literally empty ourselves of our own 'sin' - her body contains our desires, her spirit contains our fears, her soul contains our history.  And we fell, through time from natural order into chaos, manipulated by ego, and by money, power and greed, people began forgetting the harmony and bliss of this union of the divine feminine and the divine masculine, both within and outside of ourselves and irrespective of our gender.

When I started the Sex Workers Speakeasy Project, I wasn't really sure what was driving me other than a personal recognition that I have been occupied with the Sex Worker Rights Movement for over 25 years now and I know that it's important to me. Having a voice is important to me. Offering a platform for marginalised groups to speak out in the face of great stigma and judgment is important to me, for how we treat the marginalised reflects upon how we treat the perceived 'small' in this world - the mouse, the shy, the timid, the humble. It reminds me how those with 'power' can misuse it, or can choose to channel it for great good. Sharing my experiences of being a literate, articulate woman with a wealth of stories to share allows me to envisage healing in this world which is another area of great importance for me, for if there was a Fall from Grace, for me it is in our forgetting to honour, deeply honour our greatest Mother; Planet Earth. Channeling my own courage, strength and integrity for the greater good, I began making an example of myself and my story to bring light to dark places, and I thankfully find myself standing beside others who have found the courage to stand up and share this stage, all of us speaking out for those who for many reasons cannot, and I salute them all, those who can and those who cannot, for in every story lies a history. 

Going to Las Vegas to present at the Desiree Alliance Conference in July of this year really began to transform some of these stories, or at least how they live in me began to be transformed. Rather than holding them in shame and stigma, they began to emerge into light and into empowerment in sharing with others in a stream of positive and inspiring dialogue. The women and men who have so far shared their stories with me have touched me deeply, every single one of them. I'm inviting ongoing contributions to this project so please message me at tantraheart@rocketmail.com if you would liek to contribute and get your voice out there. 

We need to re-connect not just to the masculine/feminine divinity in us but to our hearts, to that which allows us to listen to the experiences of another human being without politicising everything. To remove the stigma and reveal the source. The video below is Terra Burns - with thanks. 


Speakeasy #3 from Sex Worker Speakeasy on Vimeo.

*use of the feminine pronoun here reflecting my own experiences though this is not gender specific. The 'prostitute' can be any gender or gender neutral of course, and the divine masculine/feminine are in no way tied to birth gender. In this instance however the use of 'she' does refer to the overcoming of the 'feminine' and of women within many of our societies.

It's a Basic Human Right, right? Sex Workers Speakeasy

When I first started thinking about this project, I wasn't entirely clear about where my primary motivation was coming from. Was it personal healing, was it global politics, was it health and safety, workers rights, human rights or feminism? Was it appealing to my creative arts background?

Starting up the Indiegogo appeal to get myself to Las Vegas for the Desiree Alliance Conference in July of this year, the project emerged organically from that same appeal. With the help of an old friend, I made a short clip, my mouth, my words, speaking about why I needed crowd funding help to get to Vegas to present at this amazing conference, now integrating the full-circle journey I'd undertaken to go from delegate at ICOP sixteen years previously, to presenter at #DALV13 (the Desiree Alliance Twitter hashtag adopted for the duration of the event).

On arriving in Las Vegas, it soon became clear to me that the week ahead was likely to be a full one, in every possible way. It's not possible to listen to people's stories, hear about their lives and livelihoods, share motivational and inspirational workshops, and to engage with the current political and social key issues and remain unmoved.

My project, 'Sex Workers Speakeasy', was launched there - its primary intention to give sex workers a voice (a theme that has run through my life) allowing us to speak for ourselves, and to ensure that our diverse experience of the work is heard, recognised and respected. It took courage to launch my appeal, for in doing so I took the decision to out myself and to make public some aspects of my private life. Many cannot.

Whilst at the conference, a conversation with the very prolific blogger and truly engaging woman that is Maggie McNeil opened the door for me into why I do what I do. It's about social justice. Both Maggie and I share a very strong sense of social justice, and speaking for myself here, I know it's something I've carried through with me for most of my adult life and no doubt a fair bit of my childhood too. I remember being little and just knowing when something felt really wrong despite being told sometimes by the 'grown-ups' that 'that's the way it is' - for me, there would inevitably be a "why is that the way is?" retort. Every time.

So, in coming to this seedling of an idea, as I started connecting with contributors, as I heard their stories, I was left in no doubt that it had to happen. It's the thing I can give back to all I've ever been given by those who have inspired me, who light the way, to the brave and courageous activists who have changed things through sheer determination, a whole lot of courage and more than a fair bit of 'chutzpah'.

This contribution by Bella of the Rhode Island chapter of COYOTE (Call Off Your Old Tired Ethics) reminds me of the 'why'. Sex workers are dying as a result of being denied basic human and workers rights and as a result prejudice and stigma. In Scotland (UK) right now, brothels and saunas are being shut in what I can only see as a sadly regressive move. Those employees don't just stop selling sex, they simply get driven onto the streets or further underground where safety is even more eroded. And why? To satisfy someone else's view of what is 'moral' or not.

Help us to change things. Speak out! Stop allowing slut shaming. Challenge the language and please....above all, listen to the voices of those who know.

This post is dedicated to the lives, families and friends of Petite Jasmine and Dora Oezer who were both murdered in the last two months. May your spirits rest in peace and may your legacies create change.

So you think you know what a sex worker looks like?

They look like this right?

or maybe like this?

or occasionally like this?

Well guess what? Some of the above is true. But mostly, sex workers look like any ordinary joe, cellulite, disproportionate bodies, a range of colour, caste, social background, political intent. A range of reasons. A range of experiences.

Sex work/ers suffer the same fate as we do as human beings right across the media; in the case of the sex industry, often romanticised or pilloried, cast in one light, idealised in another, and in just the same way that magazines, newspapers, movies and television portray romance, love, women's bodies, and ideals of masculinity, femininity and other-ness, most of which is a long way from the truth.

Sex Workers Speakeasy aims to set this right.

THIS IS WHAT A SEX WORKER LOOKS LIKE:

Sex Workers Speakeasy #2 from Sex Worker Speakeasy on Vimeo.

These videos have yet to be edited so that my questions aren't included. This is the raw first proof. They will eventually form a short length feature of our voices, in our own words. 

Please contact me if you wish to take part in this project. Current call for submissions deadline November 1st 2013. Message me for details. Let's smash the stereotypes!

The problem with gender assigned qualities and Tantra

Dear readers, it's a balmy summer afternoon, August springs upon us and time flashes by so quickly I sometimes fear I cannot keep up! Since returning from the U.S where I attended the very awesome Desiree Alliance conference 2 weeks ago, I find I'm given to serious consideration of gender, both in general but perhaps even more specifically within my tantra practice and my personal awareness.

Now before I went to the conference, I'd already expressed concerns in various tantra chat threads on Facebook and elsewhere about assigning qualities to gender within healing practice. Of course this doesn't only apply to our work practices, but to life in general. One thing that really impressed me, amongst many, at the conference was the very keen awareness of allowing people to self identify their preferred gender pronouns, and to keep out of assumption about what that then meant to those individuals. Some make choices for political reasons, some for personal reasons, some for social reasons and many to challenge to status quo. So, on getting back to the U.K (where in my view we are still pretty behind on this), once again I find the issue of not only gender pronouns but gender meaning is up in my face.

Even as I try to find images to suit my blog today, I am still besieged by pink for girls blue for boys and pinky-blue for transgender, half dress half trousers. How woefully inadequate is that?!

One thing I've found in my tantra practice that has consistently troubled me is that within tantra there is an idea mooted that women, as 'shakti' or the 'divine feminine' need to bring men, or shiva 'the strong masculine' into healing and into their hearts. Well now, for me as someone working with sexuality and healing for over 25 years now, I don't personally want that job! I don't think it's up to women to bring men into healing, I think it's up to MEN to bring themselves into healing. You see the problem in assigning this quality of the nurturing feminine into gender roles is that for me, we can get so easily stuck there. My personal inner Goddess is way more Kali than Tara. That's not to say I am all fire and no frill, or all rage and no receptive, but I most certainly am more than this soft 'feminine' I hear about a whole lot in tantra practice.

My Kali is powerful and strong in her sense of self autonomy. She has clear boundaries and knows her own mind. She can breathe fire when necessary and can heal and transmute with equal potency. For me, her depiction atop a male figure is not about destroying the masculine, more the quashing of the rigid and unyielding elements of either the self or the other. In other words as easily applicable to slaying the internal demons as externalising a negative image of the masculine. I do not wish to be perceived as woman responsible for healing all ills in the world if it means I can only get there from my soft heart space, my womblike womanhood. Sometimes my passion comes from my sex, from my core of the wild woman, like those Women Who Run With The Wolves in Clarissa Pinkola Estes's seminal book. The archetype of the Wild Woman and the Witch suit and serve me better than those of the Virgin (not literal) and the Mother (again not a literal interpretation). I quite like Crone as it seems she too holds the capacity to be more akin to the Medicine Woman or Shaman of the tribe.

For me, some of these wilder gender assignments hold a distinct element of the 'other' within them. Genderless, wild and free. For men, I imagine you too get tired of having to uphold the strong masculine, the Warrior? What if those archetypes don't speak to you. In retrieving our sexuality, we MUST reject gender based stereotypes in my view and move beyond the 'soft feminine' and the 'strong masculine', or at the very least remain super conscious of how, why and where we assign those qualities.

Men are more than capable of stepping into their own healing, their own vulnerability, of finding their own courage. Women too. Let's challenge this assumption that all women are nurturers, and all men active proponents. And for all genders, however we may choose to self-determine, let's free up the range of possibility.

My tantra has teeth, and it has balls. Where do you stand?

Sex Workers Speakeasy

An example of my film project: 'Sex Workers Speakeasy'. Sex Workers Speakeasy is a film and media project, launched at the recent Desiree Alliance 5th Conference in Las Vegas, Nevada.

The aim of this project is to allow current and former sex workers a platform from which to express our experiences of working in an industry besieged by blame, discrimination, prejudice, and stigma. What makes sex work challenging? What makes it liberating? What frustrates us? What educates us, and so much more. Rather than existing as the marginalised group all too often talked 'about', here we take back our voices and become those doing the talking.

Using only the mouth to convey the message has a two-fold intent - firstly it allows more anonymity which for many people working within punitive legal and/or cultural frameworks, or who are facing massive discrimination is absolutely crucial and reflects that which we hope to change through ongoing activism. Secondly, it stops the viewer from over identifying with, and then projecting onto the image; focussing only on the message thus offering far greater impact. The Words not The Person.

All contributions range from 1.5 minutes to 4 minutes maximum. I intend to collaborate with sex workers across the board, regardless of location, culture, gender identity, age, and experience of the work, in fact, the greater the diversity the more powerful the message.

Please message me if you would like to contribute to this documentary. Your community needs YOU!

You can send me your words as a recording only if you do not wish to be identified by your mouth/voice, and a representative will read your words over a film still to indicate that this was a submission where the contributor was unable to 'come out' in any way whatsoever. This too should hold significant relevance.

Nothing will be published without your constant and ongoing approval, and all contributions are anonymous unless otherwise specified.

Please email tantraheart@rocketmail.com with your questions or contributions.

And a very big "Thank You!" to those who have already submitted to this project.

Maggie McNeil's blog can be found here - well worth subbscribing, it's packed with interesting and thought provoking articles. Maggie writes daily. 

Atlanta Banishment Proposal Blocked

It would seem that there is good news in the fold! I've been back from Vegas for a day now, still re-integrating, still digesting all that I learnt, shared and was touched by. So much and so many.

One of the things that arose in the course of the weeks events was the mention of the Atlanta Banishment Proposal. The proposal, originally mooted earlier this year and passed in a fairly sudden and unexpected manner, naturally created a wave of shock and objection; could this really be 2013? Are we really still proposing to 'banish' people from their communities, their families, and their homes? Denying access to services and support? How can this be possible in this day and age? We'd be right in thinking it was an error and understandable if we though we were reading a law introduced in the middle ages rather than the times in which we live now. Progressive times of transformative change and increased awareness, at least we'd like to think so. Not so in Atlanta earlier this year.

Well I'm pleased to read that one day after our week of dynamic activism and sharing there is for once, some progress to report. Shock horror, it would seem that people DO think of banishing as a retrogressive move, and whilst there may be other aspects to the proposals we may also like to see offered as more healthy alternatives, the retraction of this proposal remains good news. Read it here.

So instead of banishing, punishing and praying for the salvation of those involved in the sex industry, how about keeping this focus on listening, consulting and offering real services based upon well informed demographic needs, as identified by those who know and those who keep morals out of the equation when focussing on harm reduction.

Ultimately, we need to keep the pressure on, keep the networks strong and keep sharing our knowledge and skills. Challenge oppression and backward thinking policy and we just may, like the Atlanta activists, make that difference that really counts.