From The Sacred To The Profane

Once upon a time Prostitutes were Sacred Healers. Women were revered as the Goddess, men as the Warrior/Hero. Once upon a time our connection to love, to our earth, to our higher self and to simplicity outweighed our occupation with fear, pollution, base desires and conflict. Somewhere along the way we found ourselves lost and the Sacred Prostitute became the Whore, the symbol of all ill. For some, this fall is connected to the Garden of Eden and the Fall From Grace, though personally I've never been able to relate to a story that casts any god or ascended being as a punishing one (except maybe Kali who offers a kind of tough love!) nor to a story that suggests women's curiosity unleashes all manner of evils and suffering into the world. For me it's far more complex (and yet paradoxically simple) than that - we forgot. We forgot our divine essence, our holy nature, our true nature; the nature of love, compassion and innate wisdom.

The prostitute has become the symbol for the distortions experienced by women around the divine feminine. She* is the vessel into which we can literally empty ourselves of our own 'sin' - her body contains our desires, her spirit contains our fears, her soul contains our history.  And we fell, through time from natural order into chaos, manipulated by ego, and by money, power and greed, people began forgetting the harmony and bliss of this union of the divine feminine and the divine masculine, both within and outside of ourselves and irrespective of our gender.

When I started the Sex Workers Speakeasy Project, I wasn't really sure what was driving me other than a personal recognition that I have been occupied with the Sex Worker Rights Movement for over 25 years now and I know that it's important to me. Having a voice is important to me. Offering a platform for marginalised groups to speak out in the face of great stigma and judgment is important to me, for how we treat the marginalised reflects upon how we treat the perceived 'small' in this world - the mouse, the shy, the timid, the humble. It reminds me how those with 'power' can misuse it, or can choose to channel it for great good. Sharing my experiences of being a literate, articulate woman with a wealth of stories to share allows me to envisage healing in this world which is another area of great importance for me, for if there was a Fall from Grace, for me it is in our forgetting to honour, deeply honour our greatest Mother; Planet Earth. Channeling my own courage, strength and integrity for the greater good, I began making an example of myself and my story to bring light to dark places, and I thankfully find myself standing beside others who have found the courage to stand up and share this stage, all of us speaking out for those who for many reasons cannot, and I salute them all, those who can and those who cannot, for in every story lies a history. 

Going to Las Vegas to present at the Desiree Alliance Conference in July of this year really began to transform some of these stories, or at least how they live in me began to be transformed. Rather than holding them in shame and stigma, they began to emerge into light and into empowerment in sharing with others in a stream of positive and inspiring dialogue. The women and men who have so far shared their stories with me have touched me deeply, every single one of them. I'm inviting ongoing contributions to this project so please message me at tantraheart@rocketmail.com if you would liek to contribute and get your voice out there. 

We need to re-connect not just to the masculine/feminine divinity in us but to our hearts, to that which allows us to listen to the experiences of another human being without politicising everything. To remove the stigma and reveal the source. The video below is Terra Burns - with thanks. 


Speakeasy #3 from Sex Worker Speakeasy on Vimeo.

*use of the feminine pronoun here reflecting my own experiences though this is not gender specific. The 'prostitute' can be any gender or gender neutral of course, and the divine masculine/feminine are in no way tied to birth gender. In this instance however the use of 'she' does refer to the overcoming of the 'feminine' and of women within many of our societies.

Sacred Whoring

What does the word 'whore' conjure up for you? Have you experienced it as a derogatory label being hurled at you as some justification for another person's anger? Have you been judged for your sexual expression, or your dress sense? I'm asking as it's a word I quite like these days, like 'cunt' and 'bitch', words I once feared, perhaps as I too was locked in what it felt to be on the receiving end of their judgment rather than their potential for liberation.

These days, I am less and less apologetic about who I am in the world and how I choose to express myself, and my activism has taken on new perspectives as a result. When I was younger, it was fair to say that I hated much of my experience of sex and my personal circumstances were very different back then. Now however, I have much more in common with many of the tantra clients I see (the age gap has narrowed!) and my awareness of just how much healing is needed around sexuality has grown enormously and it is my conclusion that "Houston...we have a problem"!!

The first thing I notice is how nervous many men are around women. Granted I'm there in a certain capacity and some nerves are to be expected, however, it's more than that and I'm suspecting that many men aren't at all sure of us women. Secondly, when new clients first arrive it's fair to say the majority seriously do not know how to touch, be touched or communicate with a woman. I don't say this to judge, more to raise awareness of how much work there is that can be done by conscious sexuality educators - healing work that can ripple out into the world which can only improve the relationship between the sexes as far as I'm concerned. How ironic then that so many anti-sexwork lobbyists assert the opposite and hold us accountable for buying into the damage that's done in the name of gender differentials; simplistic reductionist arguments that fall at the first hurdle.

One of my all time heroines, Annie Sprinkle, pictured below, has consistently worked from this premise.

Annie knows that we need more love and more sex in the world and uses her unique point of view and skill to bring this out in her own inimitable style. Her sexuality knows more variety in its expression than almost anyone I can think of and I adore her! As sex workers, Annie and another of my heroines Scarlet Harlot, inspire me to bring the same gifts through my own work, so when I meet a man who is clearly awkward and inexperienced around women, I see it as my challenge and a labor of love to reduce his anxiety and with kindness and compassion teach him about how to communicate sexually. Not all men ask or need to know but many benefit for sure.

Some clients approach making love as if fixing the broken mechanics of an industrial drill - with as much sensitivity as an ox at work and as much awareness as a bull in the proverbial china shop. It takes guts and discretion to gently coax a man into a softer way of being without at the same time making him feel emasculated; that's not the point after all. My clients get my respect from the outset and I expect the same, and that includes every part of the contact whether verbal or physical. I simply expect respect. These are not fixed states. I'm more than happy to be called a whore by a lover unless the word is being used with underlying violence of one sort or another.

Sex workers can teach men a great deal about love, pleasure and intimacy. We can earn a good living, get some kicks along the way and besides all of that, let's not forget.... 

A BLOW JOB IS BETTER THAN MOST JOBS!