Life and the lessons of Walter Mitty

I'm six cocktails in. I've learnt that life does to adhere to six cocktails. I've learnt that life squeezes out of the confines of life, and that if you let go, then life has its way of showing you different perspectives.

I went out for tea. But then this dynamic started up. Someone told someone I was seeing them, just to stop another someone from feeling something that previous someone did not want to, or know how to, deal with.  So I sat there wondering how the hell I found myself in this Walter Mitty moment. I kinda like the guy who was laying claim to this lie, he's a friend, he makes me laugh, he is vulnerable, he is real, and so I sat with the lie watching it unfold, despite my discomfort.

Many years down the line, many stories later, and life just has this way of showing me that it's never as simple or straightforward as it seems. It's all just us making the best of each moment. Were we animals, we would most likely accept this without needing to understand it, just be in the moment and let it go. But being human and having an ego driven intellect, we need to understand and compute, well I do at least, and yet there are times when emotion is rough and ragged, when we don't know what else to do but lie. Save me father/brother/sister/mother for I have sinned!

So this guy tells someone else he's seeing me, but he's not, and in truth I'm raw in that emotion myself, but he tells it to stop another someone from entering into the illusion of emotion, of hope, and therein lies the issue, hope; one motherfucking cruel bastard that occasionally has us by the balls. You see - what if we dare to believe in hope? You live this life and it's only as 'real' as the hope that the unfulfilling reality you may find yourself living in, will pull you out of where you are, to take you to where you desire to be, and that destination - love, contentment and comfort, well who would not want to be there right? It may feel like a long way from home and sometimes it can most certainly feel like the magician's trump card, the ultimate illusion, for if we do not create the life we desire and live in conscious creation, then hope may as well be the genie in the lamp. 

Life sets us challenges. It creates tasks on a par with those of the princess locked in Rumplestiltskin's tower (or if you're a man think Hercules with his monumental challenges), tasks that call us over and over into truth. And I must be frank when I say I don't really live in that duality world of consciousness any more. I love life. I've walked the path of messy chaotic versions of truth and for me, it's just too much to manage, it breeds toxic emotions and confused people. So now, I choose the simple, honest version of life, the one in which the ego is no longer the King. The one in which the ego, recognised for its weak and futile grasping style of leadership, is banished to the deserts of shame and insecurity, and can lie amongst its fellow thieves of fear, confusion, unfulfilled longing and the like. Me, I hold no court for these petty pirates of authentic living. 

I arrive home humbled once more. I know that the older I get the more I see people hiding their true desires which then become distorted, for in hiding, the masks of illusion gain power. We are all walking our individual hero's journey. Walk tall and choose truth. Or be fallible and accept the mess. Both have merit. Both contain wisdom. The best we can do…maybe summed up below! 

It's not where you've come from but where you're going....

Imagine a crossroads....now imagine a choice. You can see a road behind you, you know that road well because it's where you just came from. It's rugged, the rocks scratched your feet to ribbons, the hurdles were many but you arrive at this mid point, looking around you knowing you can, at any point, choose to go back. It may be safer now that you know the perils; it may not be but at least it's the devil you know.

Now imagine a new possibility, that any of the other three roads could lead to bliss, achievement and fulfilment and weigh that up against more of what you left behind, a bondage of the most tiresome kind. Every day in every moment we can choose to make different decisions, to shift our energy (the essence of tantra), renew our perspective, understand that we are bound only by our own self imposed limitations.

"Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go." (T.S.Eliot)

So sometimes when life challenges us to really break free of those bonds and step into our dreams, or simply into new possibilities, who are we to get in the way?

When we finally come to those lucid mounts where if we are truly awake to the calling of our own souls, we hear the voice of our passion crying out to our spirit to fulfil its divine purpose, we need our warrior selves to carry us forward through fear, hesitation and anything else that may limit our growth. My mother always taught me that even though you may try, you cannot ignore the voice of your own conscience. It's the ever present barometer which keeps us in check and lets us know how far on or off track we really are. We can mould, manipulate and deny, but the voice will tell us the real truth, over and over and over. Learning to separate the voice of truth from ego can be tricky but we have only to look at our own personal 'hero's journey' to understand how the lessons of our past inform our future.

My own hero's journey revolves around sexuality and sometimes, people working with sexuality face a great deal of less than ordinary challenge. One of my teachers recently said that "it takes great courage to stand true in this work" and I knew exactly what she meant. Having faced many prejudices or short sighted judgments through my life, understanding why sex workers call for sex worker only support forums, and having seen how the most well intentioned supporters can diminish the real experiences of those who sell sex, or who work with the naked body (soul) or of those who love those who work in the arena of human sexuality, I know it isn't always an easy path to tread. Sex and money can set off people's fears like nothing else (though I think I'd much rather be a wanker than a banker any day!)

Do you work with sex and sexuality? what's your experience of getting support for the key issues you face? I'm currently looking into setting up a sex workers support forum or group and would love to know what YOU would want to know. What kind of support is missing for sex workers? I used to belong to an excellent internet based forum called Whorenet, which is alas no more, and which provided a really valuable arena for discussion and support. There were several forums within the main hub, one for sex workers only, one for supporters of SW's and others for more general political and philosophical debate, but it's long gone now. Whilst there are others, there isn't much as far as I can see, but if anyone knows of more, please share here. There are groups and forums for just about every profession there is, and yet when it comes to the oldest profession, it seems to be the last watering point along the path when it comes to resources. Please, share your blogs and links...light the way for others at the crossroads who may feel alone, isolated or out on a limb.

And if you're working as a self determined sex worker, celebrate your choices and step into your power. Anything less is living half a life and why do that...it's way too precious to squander.