Today, Miss Claudia's attention has been caught by this short film made by the Indian organisation VAMP. This opening statement caught my eye and captivated my mind:
"Over the years, we have become “commercial sex workers” from “common prostitutes”, debates are held about us and we are discussed in documents, covenants and declarations. The problem is that when we try to inform the arguments, our stories are disbelieved and we are treated as if we cannot comprehend our own lives. Thus we are either romanticised or victimised – or worse, our reality gets buried and distorted."
There are many organisations world over doing a lot of great work to empower sex workers, whether those involved in the industry be men, women, transgender (or other self-determined) people, and I am so grateful for their voices. Their voices halt the violence and begin the work in undoing negative harmful perceptions which in turn lead to negative harmful working conditions. Their voices help to stop the real 'wrong's in sex work by focussing on the 'rights' of those consenting adults involved in the work.
Today, my blog post is simply an invitation to watch this short video and consider social change led by inclusion in debate and policy, and community based group empowerment as the creators of real health and wellbeing. I was writing about this in 1999! How we can change the attitudes that create, or increase the risk of violence towards sex workers? Almost 20 years later and we are still working to change these old moral value based judgements. We can LISTEN! to those in the business before creating laws, policies and judgements. We can LEARN from the very real effects of reducing the harm to those coerced, underage or migrant workers not in a place of choice, and we can RESPECT the work done towards creating equal rights for every human being. Please.
What are your thoughts?
A blog about life, love, sexuality and the heart.
Showing posts with label sex work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sex work. Show all posts
Monday, 5 January 2015
Sunday, 4 January 2015
Breaking Free!
This evening's post comes to you by the magic of a full moon in the watery sign of cancer, realm of the emotions. When we start to live by moon cycles and cycles of the year, strange things begin to happen. We may find that we are more in tune with our instincts, our intuition grows sharper, and we understand our own personal rhythms more, knowing when to expend energy and when to conserve it. Life is based upon patterns and cycles and these are reflected in all of nature and all of creation. We are driven by the repeating cycles of the sun and the moon, the tides and the seasons; everything in motion in the magnificent orchestration of LIFE!
Nature has a habit of breaking free from constraints, just watch any of those programmes about a brand new seed forcing it's way through the hard earth, a tree root cracking a building or a plant breaking through concrete; if left to its own devices, nature will not be tethered for long.
On new year's day this year I read a blog post by a woman I greatly admire called Maggie McNeil. Maggie's Honest Courtesan blog has run for years and her commitment and intellect are pretty damn impressive. She writes daily, did you get that? DAILY! Using her voice to shine light on primarily sex work activism and key issues in this area, Maggie's posts are also beautiful reflections on life.
When I read her New Year post about transitionary periods in life, I was genuinely touched by what Maggie had written about how painful her 'coming out' process was. As a former sex worker with a strong academic background, she acknowledged that the lack of a voice being given as an outlet for the expression of her truth, was restricting her beyond the point of comfort. Maggie was in the metamorphic stage of break-out, facing the unknown but feeling the inevitable.
I was lucky enough to meet Maggie last year in Las Vegas for a conference at which we both spoke; Desiree Alliance's - 'The Audacity of Health: Sex Work Health and Politics'. I will never forget hanging out in the pool with her at the welcome party just chatting about life, our experiences, our boobs (!!) and putting the world to rights on a balmy evening surrounded, as is usual at these events, by many of the most colourful, wonderful people I've been graced to meet in my life, hookers!
Maggie's post addressed her coming out process. In moving from hiding large aspects of herself and her life, towards radical openness, she acknowledges the occasional wish to return to the safety of the comfort zone created by her former secrecy, but far more recognises the freedom in her revelations. It got me to thinking about how and why we hide so much of ourselves in life, often creating a world full of people anaesthetising themselves one way or another, usually with addictions or medications, because they feel unable to simply be themselves and be okay with that. How sad that is.
I am aware of the difference between a fear based 'secret' and a discernment based choice, but it's not always easy to make the call to freedom and truth. Why not sit tonight with the moon in her radiance, and dream a little upon what parts of you, you are hiding and see if there's any small risk you can take somehow to be just that little bit more authentically you. What old patterns are ready to be released so that your true essence can break free, and do you even know what that would look like or feel like?
Nature has a habit of breaking free from constraints, just watch any of those programmes about a brand new seed forcing it's way through the hard earth, a tree root cracking a building or a plant breaking through concrete; if left to its own devices, nature will not be tethered for long.
On new year's day this year I read a blog post by a woman I greatly admire called Maggie McNeil. Maggie's Honest Courtesan blog has run for years and her commitment and intellect are pretty damn impressive. She writes daily, did you get that? DAILY! Using her voice to shine light on primarily sex work activism and key issues in this area, Maggie's posts are also beautiful reflections on life.
When I read her New Year post about transitionary periods in life, I was genuinely touched by what Maggie had written about how painful her 'coming out' process was. As a former sex worker with a strong academic background, she acknowledged that the lack of a voice being given as an outlet for the expression of her truth, was restricting her beyond the point of comfort. Maggie was in the metamorphic stage of break-out, facing the unknown but feeling the inevitable.
I was lucky enough to meet Maggie last year in Las Vegas for a conference at which we both spoke; Desiree Alliance's - 'The Audacity of Health: Sex Work Health and Politics'. I will never forget hanging out in the pool with her at the welcome party just chatting about life, our experiences, our boobs (!!) and putting the world to rights on a balmy evening surrounded, as is usual at these events, by many of the most colourful, wonderful people I've been graced to meet in my life, hookers!
Maggie's post addressed her coming out process. In moving from hiding large aspects of herself and her life, towards radical openness, she acknowledges the occasional wish to return to the safety of the comfort zone created by her former secrecy, but far more recognises the freedom in her revelations. It got me to thinking about how and why we hide so much of ourselves in life, often creating a world full of people anaesthetising themselves one way or another, usually with addictions or medications, because they feel unable to simply be themselves and be okay with that. How sad that is.
We all have a past, we all have stories to tell, experience to share, and we all have to find comfortable ways to inhabit these human frames in which we live. This moon is all about releasing old emotional patterns and ties; what would it take to liberate any remaining hidden aspects of yourself and to truly let yourself just be, exactly as you are and exactly as you wish to be? Why do you make decisions to censor yourself? I know for me, many decisions I make are prudent ones based upon the feelings and considerations of people I love, mainly my children. Adults can meet me in my radical honesty and make their own minds up, but kids can be cruel to one another and without the life skills to manage that cruelty, that's tough.
I am aware of the difference between a fear based 'secret' and a discernment based choice, but it's not always easy to make the call to freedom and truth. Why not sit tonight with the moon in her radiance, and dream a little upon what parts of you, you are hiding and see if there's any small risk you can take somehow to be just that little bit more authentically you. What old patterns are ready to be released so that your true essence can break free, and do you even know what that would look like or feel like?
There is no shame in truth when we speak with an honest and compassionate heart. Me, I've walked a crooked path in my time and there has been much healing to do, but I was born in purity and I will die in purity too. What I do with the bit in between is entirely my choice, and my greatest hope is that whatever those choices are, they will somehow, in some way, make this world a little better for my children, their children, and their children's children.
From what will you break free today? Let yourself be light of your burdens, for every bit lighter you are, you offer that knowledge and understanding to another, and therein lies the essence of true healing.
Tuesday, 31 December 2013
The End Of A Certain Era
"The way we imagine our lives is the way we are going to go on living our lives. For the manner in which we tell ourselves about what is going on is the genre through which events become experiences." - James Hillman, Healing Fiction. Taken from the book Growing Into Myself written by my friend Thea Euryphaessa.
Sitting at my desk, my 'Bliss Beauty' playlist knocking out anthems of spirit and soul, candles lit, stillness of the dark moon surrounds me and it's New Year's Eve 2013. Called into making a choice between the external (going out) and the internal (being with myself in quiet reflection and solitude), I paused, though not for too long, knowing that for once I would honour my own needs and take this intent into 2014. To break free of the 'shoulds' 'would' and 'coulds' and instead to stride into the will, want to, and fully desire to, is a liberating thing. I have only just realised how much of my life is running from an old outworn pattern of fear; not the kind of rabbit-in-the-headlights fear, more a kind of fear of upsetting the apple cart by making choices that please me instead of pleasing others first. Kindness is important, regard for the feelings of others is important, but what use are we to the world when we constantly refuse to acknowledge our own needs first.
This year has been one of great expansion for me, and having started it with more dream sowing and visioning, to some degree I knew where I wanted to go and with whom from the start of 2013, yet there were some surprises thrown into the mix I'd have never seen coming. A sure test of our 'substance' is how well we handle the curved balls isn't it?
Following a wonderful beginning in being asked to speak at a local festival on the subject "My Body, My Choice: Sex Work As A Feminist Statement" (my title) I stepped somewhat nervously into the spotlight of public speaking. What I discovered here is that if we speak from a place of integrity, authenticity and a passion for what we're talking about, well it's ok really, this public speaking thing, for who can tell us we're 'wrong' when it's just a point of view? I think that talk gave me the courage to move forward into an even greater dream and so, when in the start of the year, I came across a conference to be hosted in Las Vegas on sexual health and politics, I knew I wanted to get there. Co-ordinated by the Desiree Alliance, an organisation working hard to ensure that the rights, voices and real experiences of sex workers are fully represented in U.S social and political reform agendas, the conference served as a platform for pushing these issues into the mainstream.
Seeing the conference I knew I wanted to be there, but not just as a delegate this time, as a speaker. I put together a proposal to hold a session on a project I was seeding, the 'Sex Workers Speakeasy'. The idea came to me largely because after 30 years of activism, I was tired of sex workers voices rarely being given a platform to speak their/our truths. Working backwards, I first put in the proposal and then tried to figure out how to get there. This saw the birth of my Indiegogo fundraising campaign where I raised around £1,100 to get me to Vegas; a pretty good job my proposal was accepted then, but you could say that when you know where you need to go, the rest just flows!
July 2013 saw me in Las Vegas in the 110 degree heat, in a hotel surrounded by hundreds of fabulously inspiring activists and sex workers from all over the world. A dream realised. That and the Grand Canyon by helicopter. Memorable moments of my year.
And then came August and the dawning of the Medicine Path and my explorations with the grandmother teacher Ayahuasca. Words can never do this justice, all that this blessed teacher has brought to my life and my personal journey. I've tried to write about it, but I find that the words are a betrayal of the depth of it. All I know is that it has changed me. Deeply. And continues to do so.
Layers upon layers upon layers are revealed. Old patterns hold a tight grip but with willingness and deep desire to transform those self limiting beliefs, a commitment to growth and a vibrational change that makes my choices clearer and clearer with every day that passes, change does come. The emergence of a butterfly from the womb of the chrysalis. And we all know that growth can be painful before it is liberating; the metaphor of the butterfly actually here a perfect one. So how can it be that we are still driven by fear, fear of upsetting all that we know, of making 'wrong' choices, of losing everything that we think we need in order to live our lives? A fear that can grip us so tight that for many, no changes ever come, for some it is more comfortable to stay where we are and simply accept the inevitability of some large dollops of misery on the way.
My healing practice comes into growth this coming year, I feel it in my bones. This passing year has seen me stepping into holding my own space there on a couple of occasions, moving from the place of eternal student into that of sharing my own wisdom and learning. Offering drum journeys and workshops for women, I discovered an ease and comfort in doing so that again surprised me. From this movement into trusting my own abilities, I now seek to collaborate more in this coming year. I'd like to invite the Universe (Yoniverse!) to bring me into more partnership with other healers to co-create amazing opportunities for growth, transformation and expansion. My medicine path expands and somehow merges with my passion for juicing, good health and tantra. I know not where these paths and changes will lead me, nor where the path will end (does it ever?) but I know one thing, my pledge to myself this year is to honour myself with clarity and bravery, with deep self love before giving over my personal desires to the needs and desires of others. And stillness beckons. She calls to me like a Siren singing her sweet song with ever increasing volume. My life has been busy these last twenty years - I've lived in another country, been married and separated, set up four businesses and birthed three children and now it's time for more reflection, more roots, more clarity and definitely more grace and stillness, for in the presence of stillness only then can a whisper can be heard, and only in the whisper may the truthful essence of the soul emerge.
And so, with the absolute majesty and magic that is the birth of the butterfly from the form of the caterpillar, I invite transformation of my new dreams and visions. Those of womanhood with roots. Those of community with communion. Those of deep contentment with life. And so rather than seeing the opening quote in the way of 'thoughts create reality' as per The Secret, more it's that I recognise that the way I view the world is how the world will be. Not that I necessarily conjure up whatever I desire in an instant, rather that I am conscious of what I create by virtue of what I believe and how I choose to view the world and it's possibilities.
And I will sit tonight, and contemplate my 2014, a year of love and learning, of honouring the Journey of The Soul, my soul, in coming into her remembrance. Of the timeless essence of why I am, and why we are here. Not to just fill my boots with possessions or dispossession, but to bring forth my own legacy, for my children, for my children's children and for LOVE.
Thank you 2013, you have been a real teacher. Welcome 2014 - I salute you!
Blue Goddess painting by Rita Hraiz Sacred Art.
This blog post is dedicated to Lauren Breckon: "An end is never an end but only a chance for new beginnings, and all things must die before they can be re-born". With love and gratitude for every lesson.
Sitting at my desk, my 'Bliss Beauty' playlist knocking out anthems of spirit and soul, candles lit, stillness of the dark moon surrounds me and it's New Year's Eve 2013. Called into making a choice between the external (going out) and the internal (being with myself in quiet reflection and solitude), I paused, though not for too long, knowing that for once I would honour my own needs and take this intent into 2014. To break free of the 'shoulds' 'would' and 'coulds' and instead to stride into the will, want to, and fully desire to, is a liberating thing. I have only just realised how much of my life is running from an old outworn pattern of fear; not the kind of rabbit-in-the-headlights fear, more a kind of fear of upsetting the apple cart by making choices that please me instead of pleasing others first. Kindness is important, regard for the feelings of others is important, but what use are we to the world when we constantly refuse to acknowledge our own needs first.
Following a wonderful beginning in being asked to speak at a local festival on the subject "My Body, My Choice: Sex Work As A Feminist Statement" (my title) I stepped somewhat nervously into the spotlight of public speaking. What I discovered here is that if we speak from a place of integrity, authenticity and a passion for what we're talking about, well it's ok really, this public speaking thing, for who can tell us we're 'wrong' when it's just a point of view? I think that talk gave me the courage to move forward into an even greater dream and so, when in the start of the year, I came across a conference to be hosted in Las Vegas on sexual health and politics, I knew I wanted to get there. Co-ordinated by the Desiree Alliance, an organisation working hard to ensure that the rights, voices and real experiences of sex workers are fully represented in U.S social and political reform agendas, the conference served as a platform for pushing these issues into the mainstream.
Seeing the conference I knew I wanted to be there, but not just as a delegate this time, as a speaker. I put together a proposal to hold a session on a project I was seeding, the 'Sex Workers Speakeasy'. The idea came to me largely because after 30 years of activism, I was tired of sex workers voices rarely being given a platform to speak their/our truths. Working backwards, I first put in the proposal and then tried to figure out how to get there. This saw the birth of my Indiegogo fundraising campaign where I raised around £1,100 to get me to Vegas; a pretty good job my proposal was accepted then, but you could say that when you know where you need to go, the rest just flows!
July 2013 saw me in Las Vegas in the 110 degree heat, in a hotel surrounded by hundreds of fabulously inspiring activists and sex workers from all over the world. A dream realised. That and the Grand Canyon by helicopter. Memorable moments of my year.
And then came August and the dawning of the Medicine Path and my explorations with the grandmother teacher Ayahuasca. Words can never do this justice, all that this blessed teacher has brought to my life and my personal journey. I've tried to write about it, but I find that the words are a betrayal of the depth of it. All I know is that it has changed me. Deeply. And continues to do so.
Layers upon layers upon layers are revealed. Old patterns hold a tight grip but with willingness and deep desire to transform those self limiting beliefs, a commitment to growth and a vibrational change that makes my choices clearer and clearer with every day that passes, change does come. The emergence of a butterfly from the womb of the chrysalis. And we all know that growth can be painful before it is liberating; the metaphor of the butterfly actually here a perfect one. So how can it be that we are still driven by fear, fear of upsetting all that we know, of making 'wrong' choices, of losing everything that we think we need in order to live our lives? A fear that can grip us so tight that for many, no changes ever come, for some it is more comfortable to stay where we are and simply accept the inevitability of some large dollops of misery on the way.
My healing practice comes into growth this coming year, I feel it in my bones. This passing year has seen me stepping into holding my own space there on a couple of occasions, moving from the place of eternal student into that of sharing my own wisdom and learning. Offering drum journeys and workshops for women, I discovered an ease and comfort in doing so that again surprised me. From this movement into trusting my own abilities, I now seek to collaborate more in this coming year. I'd like to invite the Universe (Yoniverse!) to bring me into more partnership with other healers to co-create amazing opportunities for growth, transformation and expansion. My medicine path expands and somehow merges with my passion for juicing, good health and tantra. I know not where these paths and changes will lead me, nor where the path will end (does it ever?) but I know one thing, my pledge to myself this year is to honour myself with clarity and bravery, with deep self love before giving over my personal desires to the needs and desires of others. And stillness beckons. She calls to me like a Siren singing her sweet song with ever increasing volume. My life has been busy these last twenty years - I've lived in another country, been married and separated, set up four businesses and birthed three children and now it's time for more reflection, more roots, more clarity and definitely more grace and stillness, for in the presence of stillness only then can a whisper can be heard, and only in the whisper may the truthful essence of the soul emerge.
And so, with the absolute majesty and magic that is the birth of the butterfly from the form of the caterpillar, I invite transformation of my new dreams and visions. Those of womanhood with roots. Those of community with communion. Those of deep contentment with life. And so rather than seeing the opening quote in the way of 'thoughts create reality' as per The Secret, more it's that I recognise that the way I view the world is how the world will be. Not that I necessarily conjure up whatever I desire in an instant, rather that I am conscious of what I create by virtue of what I believe and how I choose to view the world and it's possibilities.
And I will sit tonight, and contemplate my 2014, a year of love and learning, of honouring the Journey of The Soul, my soul, in coming into her remembrance. Of the timeless essence of why I am, and why we are here. Not to just fill my boots with possessions or dispossession, but to bring forth my own legacy, for my children, for my children's children and for LOVE.
Thank you 2013, you have been a real teacher. Welcome 2014 - I salute you!
Blue Goddess painting by Rita Hraiz Sacred Art.
This blog post is dedicated to Lauren Breckon: "An end is never an end but only a chance for new beginnings, and all things must die before they can be re-born". With love and gratitude for every lesson.
Wednesday, 18 September 2013
From The Sacred To The Profane
Once upon a time Prostitutes were Sacred Healers. Women were revered as the Goddess, men as the Warrior/Hero. Once upon a time our connection to love, to our earth, to our higher self and to simplicity outweighed our occupation with fear, pollution, base desires and conflict. Somewhere along the way we found ourselves lost and the Sacred Prostitute became the Whore, the symbol of all ill. For some, this fall is connected to the Garden of Eden and the Fall From Grace, though personally I've never been able to relate to a story that casts any god or ascended being as a punishing one (except maybe Kali who offers a kind of tough love!) nor to a story that suggests women's curiosity unleashes all manner of evils and suffering into the world. For me it's far more complex (and yet paradoxically simple) than that - we forgot. We forgot our divine essence, our holy nature, our true nature; the nature of love, compassion and innate wisdom.
The prostitute has become the symbol for the distortions experienced by women around the divine feminine. She* is the vessel into which we can literally empty ourselves of our own 'sin' - her body contains our desires, her spirit contains our fears, her soul contains our history. And we fell, through time from natural order into chaos, manipulated by ego, and by money, power and greed, people began forgetting the harmony and bliss of this union of the divine feminine and the divine masculine, both within and outside of ourselves and irrespective of our gender.
When I started the Sex Workers Speakeasy Project, I wasn't really sure what was driving me other than a personal recognition that I have been occupied with the Sex Worker Rights Movement for over 25 years now and I know that it's important to me. Having a voice is important to me. Offering a platform for marginalised groups to speak out in the face of great stigma and judgment is important to me, for how we treat the marginalised reflects upon how we treat the perceived 'small' in this world - the mouse, the shy, the timid, the humble. It reminds me how those with 'power' can misuse it, or can choose to channel it for great good. Sharing my experiences of being a literate, articulate woman with a wealth of stories to share allows me to envisage healing in this world which is another area of great importance for me, for if there was a Fall from Grace, for me it is in our forgetting to honour, deeply honour our greatest Mother; Planet Earth. Channeling my own courage, strength and integrity for the greater good, I began making an example of myself and my story to bring light to dark places, and I thankfully find myself standing beside others who have found the courage to stand up and share this stage, all of us speaking out for those who for many reasons cannot, and I salute them all, those who can and those who cannot, for in every story lies a history.
Going to Las Vegas to present at the Desiree Alliance Conference in July of this year really began to transform some of these stories, or at least how they live in me began to be transformed. Rather than holding them in shame and stigma, they began to emerge into light and into empowerment in sharing with others in a stream of positive and inspiring dialogue. The women and men who have so far shared their stories with me have touched me deeply, every single one of them. I'm inviting ongoing contributions to this project so please message me at tantraheart@rocketmail.com if you would liek to contribute and get your voice out there.
We need to re-connect not just to the masculine/feminine divinity in us but to our hearts, to that which allows us to listen to the experiences of another human being without politicising everything. To remove the stigma and reveal the source. The video below is Terra Burns - with thanks.
Speakeasy #3 from Sex Worker Speakeasy on Vimeo.
*use of the feminine pronoun here reflecting my own experiences though this is not gender specific. The 'prostitute' can be any gender or gender neutral of course, and the divine masculine/feminine are in no way tied to birth gender. In this instance however the use of 'she' does refer to the overcoming of the 'feminine' and of women within many of our societies.
The prostitute has become the symbol for the distortions experienced by women around the divine feminine. She* is the vessel into which we can literally empty ourselves of our own 'sin' - her body contains our desires, her spirit contains our fears, her soul contains our history. And we fell, through time from natural order into chaos, manipulated by ego, and by money, power and greed, people began forgetting the harmony and bliss of this union of the divine feminine and the divine masculine, both within and outside of ourselves and irrespective of our gender.
When I started the Sex Workers Speakeasy Project, I wasn't really sure what was driving me other than a personal recognition that I have been occupied with the Sex Worker Rights Movement for over 25 years now and I know that it's important to me. Having a voice is important to me. Offering a platform for marginalised groups to speak out in the face of great stigma and judgment is important to me, for how we treat the marginalised reflects upon how we treat the perceived 'small' in this world - the mouse, the shy, the timid, the humble. It reminds me how those with 'power' can misuse it, or can choose to channel it for great good. Sharing my experiences of being a literate, articulate woman with a wealth of stories to share allows me to envisage healing in this world which is another area of great importance for me, for if there was a Fall from Grace, for me it is in our forgetting to honour, deeply honour our greatest Mother; Planet Earth. Channeling my own courage, strength and integrity for the greater good, I began making an example of myself and my story to bring light to dark places, and I thankfully find myself standing beside others who have found the courage to stand up and share this stage, all of us speaking out for those who for many reasons cannot, and I salute them all, those who can and those who cannot, for in every story lies a history.
Going to Las Vegas to present at the Desiree Alliance Conference in July of this year really began to transform some of these stories, or at least how they live in me began to be transformed. Rather than holding them in shame and stigma, they began to emerge into light and into empowerment in sharing with others in a stream of positive and inspiring dialogue. The women and men who have so far shared their stories with me have touched me deeply, every single one of them. I'm inviting ongoing contributions to this project so please message me at tantraheart@rocketmail.com if you would liek to contribute and get your voice out there.
We need to re-connect not just to the masculine/feminine divinity in us but to our hearts, to that which allows us to listen to the experiences of another human being without politicising everything. To remove the stigma and reveal the source. The video below is Terra Burns - with thanks.
Speakeasy #3 from Sex Worker Speakeasy on Vimeo.
*use of the feminine pronoun here reflecting my own experiences though this is not gender specific. The 'prostitute' can be any gender or gender neutral of course, and the divine masculine/feminine are in no way tied to birth gender. In this instance however the use of 'she' does refer to the overcoming of the 'feminine' and of women within many of our societies.
Monday, 12 August 2013
It's a Basic Human Right, right? Sex Workers Speakeasy
When I first started thinking about this project, I wasn't entirely clear about where my primary motivation was coming from. Was it personal healing, was it global politics, was it health and safety, workers rights, human rights or feminism? Was it appealing to my creative arts background?
Starting up the Indiegogo appeal to get myself to Las Vegas for the Desiree Alliance Conference in July of this year, the project emerged organically from that same appeal. With the help of an old friend, I made a short clip, my mouth, my words, speaking about why I needed crowd funding help to get to Vegas to present at this amazing conference, now integrating the full-circle journey I'd undertaken to go from delegate at ICOP sixteen years previously, to presenter at #DALV13 (the Desiree Alliance Twitter hashtag adopted for the duration of the event).
On arriving in Las Vegas, it soon became clear to me that the week ahead was likely to be a full one, in every possible way. It's not possible to listen to people's stories, hear about their lives and livelihoods, share motivational and inspirational workshops, and to engage with the current political and social key issues and remain unmoved.
My project, 'Sex Workers Speakeasy', was launched there - its primary intention to give sex workers a voice (a theme that has run through my life) allowing us to speak for ourselves, and to ensure that our diverse experience of the work is heard, recognised and respected. It took courage to launch my appeal, for in doing so I took the decision to out myself and to make public some aspects of my private life. Many cannot.
Whilst at the conference, a conversation with the very prolific blogger and truly engaging woman that is Maggie McNeil opened the door for me into why I do what I do. It's about social justice. Both Maggie and I share a very strong sense of social justice, and speaking for myself here, I know it's something I've carried through with me for most of my adult life and no doubt a fair bit of my childhood too. I remember being little and just knowing when something felt really wrong despite being told sometimes by the 'grown-ups' that 'that's the way it is' - for me, there would inevitably be a "why is that the way is?" retort. Every time.
So, in coming to this seedling of an idea, as I started connecting with contributors, as I heard their stories, I was left in no doubt that it had to happen. It's the thing I can give back to all I've ever been given by those who have inspired me, who light the way, to the brave and courageous activists who have changed things through sheer determination, a whole lot of courage and more than a fair bit of 'chutzpah'.
This contribution by Bella of the Rhode Island chapter of COYOTE (Call Off Your Old Tired Ethics) reminds me of the 'why'. Sex workers are dying as a result of being denied basic human and workers rights and as a result prejudice and stigma. In Scotland (UK) right now, brothels and saunas are being shut in what I can only see as a sadly regressive move. Those employees don't just stop selling sex, they simply get driven onto the streets or further underground where safety is even more eroded. And why? To satisfy someone else's view of what is 'moral' or not.
Help us to change things. Speak out! Stop allowing slut shaming. Challenge the language and please....above all, listen to the voices of those who know.
This post is dedicated to the lives, families and friends of Petite Jasmine and Dora Oezer who were both murdered in the last two months. May your spirits rest in peace and may your legacies create change.
Starting up the Indiegogo appeal to get myself to Las Vegas for the Desiree Alliance Conference in July of this year, the project emerged organically from that same appeal. With the help of an old friend, I made a short clip, my mouth, my words, speaking about why I needed crowd funding help to get to Vegas to present at this amazing conference, now integrating the full-circle journey I'd undertaken to go from delegate at ICOP sixteen years previously, to presenter at #DALV13 (the Desiree Alliance Twitter hashtag adopted for the duration of the event).
My project, 'Sex Workers Speakeasy', was launched there - its primary intention to give sex workers a voice (a theme that has run through my life) allowing us to speak for ourselves, and to ensure that our diverse experience of the work is heard, recognised and respected. It took courage to launch my appeal, for in doing so I took the decision to out myself and to make public some aspects of my private life. Many cannot.
Whilst at the conference, a conversation with the very prolific blogger and truly engaging woman that is Maggie McNeil opened the door for me into why I do what I do. It's about social justice. Both Maggie and I share a very strong sense of social justice, and speaking for myself here, I know it's something I've carried through with me for most of my adult life and no doubt a fair bit of my childhood too. I remember being little and just knowing when something felt really wrong despite being told sometimes by the 'grown-ups' that 'that's the way it is' - for me, there would inevitably be a "why is that the way is?" retort. Every time.
So, in coming to this seedling of an idea, as I started connecting with contributors, as I heard their stories, I was left in no doubt that it had to happen. It's the thing I can give back to all I've ever been given by those who have inspired me, who light the way, to the brave and courageous activists who have changed things through sheer determination, a whole lot of courage and more than a fair bit of 'chutzpah'.
This contribution by Bella of the Rhode Island chapter of COYOTE (Call Off Your Old Tired Ethics) reminds me of the 'why'. Sex workers are dying as a result of being denied basic human and workers rights and as a result prejudice and stigma. In Scotland (UK) right now, brothels and saunas are being shut in what I can only see as a sadly regressive move. Those employees don't just stop selling sex, they simply get driven onto the streets or further underground where safety is even more eroded. And why? To satisfy someone else's view of what is 'moral' or not.
This post is dedicated to the lives, families and friends of Petite Jasmine and Dora Oezer who were both murdered in the last two months. May your spirits rest in peace and may your legacies create change.
Friday, 2 August 2013
So you think you know what a sex worker looks like?
They look like this right?
or maybe like this?
or occasionally like this?
Well guess what? Some of the above is true. But mostly, sex workers look like any ordinary joe, cellulite, disproportionate bodies, a range of colour, caste, social background, political intent. A range of reasons. A range of experiences.
Sex work/ers suffer the same fate as we do as human beings right across the media; in the case of the sex industry, often romanticised or pilloried, cast in one light, idealised in another, and in just the same way that magazines, newspapers, movies and television portray romance, love, women's bodies, and ideals of masculinity, femininity and other-ness, most of which is a long way from the truth.
Sex Workers Speakeasy aims to set this right.
THIS IS WHAT A SEX WORKER LOOKS LIKE:
Sex Workers Speakeasy #2 from Sex Worker Speakeasy on Vimeo.
or maybe like this?
or occasionally like this?
Well guess what? Some of the above is true. But mostly, sex workers look like any ordinary joe, cellulite, disproportionate bodies, a range of colour, caste, social background, political intent. A range of reasons. A range of experiences.
Sex work/ers suffer the same fate as we do as human beings right across the media; in the case of the sex industry, often romanticised or pilloried, cast in one light, idealised in another, and in just the same way that magazines, newspapers, movies and television portray romance, love, women's bodies, and ideals of masculinity, femininity and other-ness, most of which is a long way from the truth.
Sex Workers Speakeasy aims to set this right.
THIS IS WHAT A SEX WORKER LOOKS LIKE:
Sex Workers Speakeasy #2 from Sex Worker Speakeasy on Vimeo.
These videos have yet to be edited so that my questions aren't included. This is the raw first proof. They will eventually form a short length feature of our voices, in our own words.
Please contact me if you wish to take part in this project. Current call for submissions deadline November 1st 2013. Message me for details. Let's smash the stereotypes!
Sunday, 21 July 2013
Atlanta Banishment Proposal Blocked
It would seem that there is good news in the fold! I've been back from Vegas for a day now, still re-integrating, still digesting all that I learnt, shared and was touched by. So much and so many.
One of the things that arose in the course of the weeks events was the mention of the Atlanta Banishment Proposal. The proposal, originally mooted earlier this year and passed in a fairly sudden and unexpected manner, naturally created a wave of shock and objection; could this really be 2013? Are we really still proposing to 'banish' people from their communities, their families, and their homes? Denying access to services and support? How can this be possible in this day and age? We'd be right in thinking it was an error and understandable if we though we were reading a law introduced in the middle ages rather than the times in which we live now. Progressive times of transformative change and increased awareness, at least we'd like to think so. Not so in Atlanta earlier this year.
Well I'm pleased to read that one day after our week of dynamic activism and sharing there is for once, some progress to report. Shock horror, it would seem that people DO think of banishing as a retrogressive move, and whilst there may be other aspects to the proposals we may also like to see offered as more healthy alternatives, the retraction of this proposal remains good news. Read it here.
So instead of banishing, punishing and praying for the salvation of those involved in the sex industry, how about keeping this focus on listening, consulting and offering real services based upon well informed demographic needs, as identified by those who know and those who keep morals out of the equation when focussing on harm reduction.
Ultimately, we need to keep the pressure on, keep the networks strong and keep sharing our knowledge and skills. Challenge oppression and backward thinking policy and we just may, like the Atlanta activists, make that difference that really counts.
One of the things that arose in the course of the weeks events was the mention of the Atlanta Banishment Proposal. The proposal, originally mooted earlier this year and passed in a fairly sudden and unexpected manner, naturally created a wave of shock and objection; could this really be 2013? Are we really still proposing to 'banish' people from their communities, their families, and their homes? Denying access to services and support? How can this be possible in this day and age? We'd be right in thinking it was an error and understandable if we though we were reading a law introduced in the middle ages rather than the times in which we live now. Progressive times of transformative change and increased awareness, at least we'd like to think so. Not so in Atlanta earlier this year.
Well I'm pleased to read that one day after our week of dynamic activism and sharing there is for once, some progress to report. Shock horror, it would seem that people DO think of banishing as a retrogressive move, and whilst there may be other aspects to the proposals we may also like to see offered as more healthy alternatives, the retraction of this proposal remains good news. Read it here.
So instead of banishing, punishing and praying for the salvation of those involved in the sex industry, how about keeping this focus on listening, consulting and offering real services based upon well informed demographic needs, as identified by those who know and those who keep morals out of the equation when focussing on harm reduction.
Ultimately, we need to keep the pressure on, keep the networks strong and keep sharing our knowledge and skills. Challenge oppression and backward thinking policy and we just may, like the Atlanta activists, make that difference that really counts.
Thursday, 16 May 2013
The Lion's Den
It's the night before the event of the year people! Tomorrow, at a secret venue in London, the Erotic Oscars are announced, and the country's perverts, pleasure seekers and pace setters gather and celebrate their diversity and their right to free sexual expression (consenting + adult as per...)
The hard work and organisational skills which go into getting this event set up need no explanation, save to say that many of us are eternally grateful for the devotion and discipline shown in managing such an event.
I've been nominated this year in the category 'Campaigner of the Year' and I'm both honoured and exited. I'm in great company in so many of the categories, an overwhelming array of talent indeed. You can see the finalists listed here
Personally, this is my path in life, to bring healing and intimacy into the world to the best of my ability. To restore health, passion and pleasure into the lives of those who feel disconnected or at a loss and in this capacity, I am fiercely committed to the right to self determine and express our own sexuality. I always seem to feel the need here to insert the proviso that I'm talking about ADULT CONSENTING sexual freedoms here as so many seem to feel threatened by sexuality and it's very nature. It's like the great big theatre where all of our shadows, demons, fears, insecurities and histories are most certain to come and join us! But fret not, the good news is that when we begin to befriend them, there'a a jewelled path to pleasure awaits us if we're willing to risk exploring. It's significant to me that I still have to add that proviso to rebut the claims of those who conflate sexual freedom with harm, trafficking, oppression etc etc, as if one did not have the intellect to distinguish those states from the right to choose what we do with our bodies and with whom.
For sex workers, it would seem that we remain the scorned woman, the one who represents the great fall from grace, the absence of the sacred, the harlot, the temptress and the whore. Why is that? A recent letter from the feminist Rahki Kumar to Michelle Obama could not have laid out on the alter this sacrificial lamb any clearer. The letter you can read here. What do YOU think? I'd be interested to hear?
Now, I have real issues with this letter. I've been working for over 30 years in sexual freedom activism and sex work rights campaigning, and I am sick and tired of people equating all that's bad and negative around sex work with poor and disempowered versions of womanhood. What if a woman WANTS to celebrate her independent sexuality, and chooses to sell sex? Not all sex workers are trafficked, drug addicted, pimped victims, and the stats quoted in the letter are unfounded and untrue.
Now then, if a person (man, woman, trans, child) is trafficked into any kind of indentured labour, and not just sex, but sweat shops or dreadful demeaning jobs, or hang on even corporate immoral bondage!, well then yes, we should offer the support that is needed, as defined by those people experiencing that issue (otherwise it remains patronising and moralistic) to help them change their lives. It is possible to have a sacred soul that includes sexual freedom and the celebration of sexual FUN. So what if my nipples show whilst I'm celebrating, that doesn't invite anyones judgement (women get raped for wearing the wrong clothes - tell the attackers to stop raping!). If I want to wear a sheer bodysuit, let me.
I agree that there are huge aspects of Beyonce's and many other pop icons (and other role models) imagery and lyrics etc that are problematic, largely as they/we are so manipulated by the media, but let's stop bloody equating this women's emancipation with a purity that for me, is actually quite alarming and certainly does NOT speak to me in any way at all. I have sacred sex, AND I enjoy it, and sometimes I wear outrageously sexy clothes when I'm having it! No...my letter would read VERY differently, Let's stop marrying poor role models with unproven stats about sex work, it's not a pretty liaison and it's erroneous, harmful and does women no favours whatsoever.
The hard work and organisational skills which go into getting this event set up need no explanation, save to say that many of us are eternally grateful for the devotion and discipline shown in managing such an event.
I've been nominated this year in the category 'Campaigner of the Year' and I'm both honoured and exited. I'm in great company in so many of the categories, an overwhelming array of talent indeed. You can see the finalists listed here
Personally, this is my path in life, to bring healing and intimacy into the world to the best of my ability. To restore health, passion and pleasure into the lives of those who feel disconnected or at a loss and in this capacity, I am fiercely committed to the right to self determine and express our own sexuality. I always seem to feel the need here to insert the proviso that I'm talking about ADULT CONSENTING sexual freedoms here as so many seem to feel threatened by sexuality and it's very nature. It's like the great big theatre where all of our shadows, demons, fears, insecurities and histories are most certain to come and join us! But fret not, the good news is that when we begin to befriend them, there'a a jewelled path to pleasure awaits us if we're willing to risk exploring. It's significant to me that I still have to add that proviso to rebut the claims of those who conflate sexual freedom with harm, trafficking, oppression etc etc, as if one did not have the intellect to distinguish those states from the right to choose what we do with our bodies and with whom.
For sex workers, it would seem that we remain the scorned woman, the one who represents the great fall from grace, the absence of the sacred, the harlot, the temptress and the whore. Why is that? A recent letter from the feminist Rahki Kumar to Michelle Obama could not have laid out on the alter this sacrificial lamb any clearer. The letter you can read here. What do YOU think? I'd be interested to hear?
Now, I have real issues with this letter. I've been working for over 30 years in sexual freedom activism and sex work rights campaigning, and I am sick and tired of people equating all that's bad and negative around sex work with poor and disempowered versions of womanhood. What if a woman WANTS to celebrate her independent sexuality, and chooses to sell sex? Not all sex workers are trafficked, drug addicted, pimped victims, and the stats quoted in the letter are unfounded and untrue.
Now then, if a person (man, woman, trans, child) is trafficked into any kind of indentured labour, and not just sex, but sweat shops or dreadful demeaning jobs, or hang on even corporate immoral bondage!, well then yes, we should offer the support that is needed, as defined by those people experiencing that issue (otherwise it remains patronising and moralistic) to help them change their lives. It is possible to have a sacred soul that includes sexual freedom and the celebration of sexual FUN. So what if my nipples show whilst I'm celebrating, that doesn't invite anyones judgement (women get raped for wearing the wrong clothes - tell the attackers to stop raping!). If I want to wear a sheer bodysuit, let me.
Celebrate your sexuality as you choose, respect others, have fun or get the support you need. Not too much to ask is it?
And in the meantime, good luck to all of the finalists tomorrow! Have a great one.
Wednesday, 1 May 2013
Sex Work as a Feminist Statement
Happy Beltane everyone! I've been away from the blog the last couple of months setting up my new healing centre, focussing on developing my client practice and how to integrate that with my other health and wellbeing work. Those who know me, know I'm an ardent juicing proponent, and I'm slowly moving towards a more raw food diet. All of these aspects of my life have been flying around needing my attention, hence a slow trickle through the blog. I've also been giving more talks on sex work, its relationship to feminism and sexuality in general, which I really enjoy. For me it's a crucial part of spreading the word about sex work, of taking the real voices of sex workers further into the community and going some way to shattering judgment and prejudice.
I've never professed to be an academic. I've never claimed to be an expert on anything. In fact, it's fair to say that I have a tendency to mistrusting anything or anyone who presents themselves as being somehow more able to express an opinion on something based upon pure theory as opposed to life skills or experience, and a great suspicion of anyone laying claim to the mantle 'guru'. In my time as a drug publications researcher and support worker, coming across many drug workers with absolutely no experience of what it really feels like to live under the omnipresent shadow of addiction, I came to understand very clearly that it's important to listen to the voices of those who know how it feels to live something. If you want to know how it feels to live with addiction, ask an addict. If you want to know how it feels to run a marathon, ask a long distance runner. If you want to know how it feels to build a shopping mall, ask a construction worker, and if you want to know what it feels like to sell sex, ask a sex worker. That would be logical right? That would make sense wouldn't it? So why are sex workers so consistently and routinely omitted from any serious debate and discussion around health, social and law reform that directly impacts them? Why are they so deliberately ignored, and told they are deluded if they dare to suggest they not only choose their work but have opinions on it?
Explain it to me would you.
Most objections I hear seem to come from the basic premise "but no woman would ever choose to do that would she" and here I find the concept of choice really quite fascinating. Of course we may well choose to engage in sex for money, why not? Why do we still get so stuck on the idea that something that can be immensely pleasurable can at the same time make us some money? Why is it okay to trade our time, skills, expertise in other areas, but not our bodies, and who gets to decide that morals, which are generally entirely subjective, suddenly hold court over our capacity to make a self determined good living. Note the key words there "self" and "determined". We're not talking about coercion, non consensual or trafficking here, we're talking about free will, about independent agency and the right that all people have to say YES to things as much as they have the right to say NO. So why is it still so damn tricky to speak out and say "I choose to earn a living exchanging sex for money." Is that so different from the other ways we may trade sex and our bodies for progress, favours, approval, security, things of value etc etc?
I recently came across a job description. The job title was 'Awesomeness Arranger' and was followed by an equally vacuous, extremely patronising and quite frankly outrageously sexist job description which included things like "a masters degree in making people smile", and "a degree in bubliness" as preferred qualifications. It also offered 'totally rad badges' as perks, and stated that 'girls' must not make duck faces, engage in unnecessary high pitched laughter or have bangs or small pet dogs. You get the jist.
By contract, I read this job description:
High hourly rate, flexible scheduling, a sexually safe work environment with carefully chosen and monitored staff. High standards of customer behaviour, a safe place to discover your sexuality and a supportive working environment.
The first was for a burrito chain, the second for a well know and highly regarded strip club, the first of its kind to become unionised by the women and men who who worked there with the support of those who ran the place. Which would you choose?
No job is ever all good, most are a mix of good days, bad days, dull days, frustrating days and inspiring days. Some more leaning toward the bad end, some the good, but the point is that it's important to focus upon working conditions just like any other job. We need to be focussing on what makes a job safe and healthy, and how can we operate within the law as far as is possible in accordance with the individual laws of each country and/or state.
"Prostitution is not a monolith. Each woman experiences the profession differently."
Again, just like any other job. Imagine this: I dislike the international trade in sweat shop labour, how it serves large conglomerates at the expense of real humanitarian consideration. Would I try to ban clothes? No! I'd look at improving the conditions, pay rates, breaks, work environment of those producing the clothes. We all need income, and as the song goes 'it's not what you do it's the way that you do it, that's what gets results'! Sex workers are still consistently ignored. As a marginalised group, can you imagine any other marginalised group being as constructively excluded from any debate around how to make things better for that group without consultation? Again - no.
And as Gail Pheterson puts it so well "the stigmatisation of prostitution and sex work underlies the social control of women"- I am most inclined to agree. My body, my choice.
My one plea if you're reading this; keep your heart open, your mind open and keep listening, and maybe slowly we will see change for the positive in this profession. Sex is the final frontier, it's where our fears, shame, anxiety, guilt and judgment can all find a cosy nesting place if we let them. So let's not let them any longer. Speak out and be heard. Listen and reflect, and above all have fun and stay safe.
I've never professed to be an academic. I've never claimed to be an expert on anything. In fact, it's fair to say that I have a tendency to mistrusting anything or anyone who presents themselves as being somehow more able to express an opinion on something based upon pure theory as opposed to life skills or experience, and a great suspicion of anyone laying claim to the mantle 'guru'. In my time as a drug publications researcher and support worker, coming across many drug workers with absolutely no experience of what it really feels like to live under the omnipresent shadow of addiction, I came to understand very clearly that it's important to listen to the voices of those who know how it feels to live something. If you want to know how it feels to live with addiction, ask an addict. If you want to know how it feels to run a marathon, ask a long distance runner. If you want to know how it feels to build a shopping mall, ask a construction worker, and if you want to know what it feels like to sell sex, ask a sex worker. That would be logical right? That would make sense wouldn't it? So why are sex workers so consistently and routinely omitted from any serious debate and discussion around health, social and law reform that directly impacts them? Why are they so deliberately ignored, and told they are deluded if they dare to suggest they not only choose their work but have opinions on it?
Explain it to me would you.
Most objections I hear seem to come from the basic premise "but no woman would ever choose to do that would she" and here I find the concept of choice really quite fascinating. Of course we may well choose to engage in sex for money, why not? Why do we still get so stuck on the idea that something that can be immensely pleasurable can at the same time make us some money? Why is it okay to trade our time, skills, expertise in other areas, but not our bodies, and who gets to decide that morals, which are generally entirely subjective, suddenly hold court over our capacity to make a self determined good living. Note the key words there "self" and "determined". We're not talking about coercion, non consensual or trafficking here, we're talking about free will, about independent agency and the right that all people have to say YES to things as much as they have the right to say NO. So why is it still so damn tricky to speak out and say "I choose to earn a living exchanging sex for money." Is that so different from the other ways we may trade sex and our bodies for progress, favours, approval, security, things of value etc etc?
I recently came across a job description. The job title was 'Awesomeness Arranger' and was followed by an equally vacuous, extremely patronising and quite frankly outrageously sexist job description which included things like "a masters degree in making people smile", and "a degree in bubliness" as preferred qualifications. It also offered 'totally rad badges' as perks, and stated that 'girls' must not make duck faces, engage in unnecessary high pitched laughter or have bangs or small pet dogs. You get the jist.
By contract, I read this job description:
High hourly rate, flexible scheduling, a sexually safe work environment with carefully chosen and monitored staff. High standards of customer behaviour, a safe place to discover your sexuality and a supportive working environment.
The first was for a burrito chain, the second for a well know and highly regarded strip club, the first of its kind to become unionised by the women and men who who worked there with the support of those who ran the place. Which would you choose?
No job is ever all good, most are a mix of good days, bad days, dull days, frustrating days and inspiring days. Some more leaning toward the bad end, some the good, but the point is that it's important to focus upon working conditions just like any other job. We need to be focussing on what makes a job safe and healthy, and how can we operate within the law as far as is possible in accordance with the individual laws of each country and/or state.
"Prostitution is not a monolith. Each woman experiences the profession differently."
Again, just like any other job. Imagine this: I dislike the international trade in sweat shop labour, how it serves large conglomerates at the expense of real humanitarian consideration. Would I try to ban clothes? No! I'd look at improving the conditions, pay rates, breaks, work environment of those producing the clothes. We all need income, and as the song goes 'it's not what you do it's the way that you do it, that's what gets results'! Sex workers are still consistently ignored. As a marginalised group, can you imagine any other marginalised group being as constructively excluded from any debate around how to make things better for that group without consultation? Again - no.
And as Gail Pheterson puts it so well "the stigmatisation of prostitution and sex work underlies the social control of women"- I am most inclined to agree. My body, my choice.
My one plea if you're reading this; keep your heart open, your mind open and keep listening, and maybe slowly we will see change for the positive in this profession. Sex is the final frontier, it's where our fears, shame, anxiety, guilt and judgment can all find a cosy nesting place if we let them. So let's not let them any longer. Speak out and be heard. Listen and reflect, and above all have fun and stay safe.
Tuesday, 15 January 2013
Sex Workers Speakeasy
Hello and welcome back! Today's post sees me launching my appeal to go to the Desiree Alliance Conference in Las Vegas Nevada, July 2013.
I wish to raise funds to get there to deliver a paper entitled 'Sex Workers Speakeasy', which will focus on how we, as current and former sex workers can represent ourselves in the media, arts and via powerful modern platforms such as social networking sites and crowd funding websites such as the Indiegogo one. Crowd funding offers us the opportunity to really put our money where our hearts, values and passions lie. We can donate to any project, person or cause that we endorse, thus ensuring that our worlds really DO reflect our personal values insofar as we can directly contribute to making things happen that we believe are important to better our world. I hope that you feel desiring of contributing to my personal Indiegogo campaign, which is linked to a longer term film project giving voices to the real experiences of those involved in the sex industry or sexuality work in general. Thanks and stay safe and stay sexy!
I wish to raise funds to get there to deliver a paper entitled 'Sex Workers Speakeasy', which will focus on how we, as current and former sex workers can represent ourselves in the media, arts and via powerful modern platforms such as social networking sites and crowd funding websites such as the Indiegogo one. Crowd funding offers us the opportunity to really put our money where our hearts, values and passions lie. We can donate to any project, person or cause that we endorse, thus ensuring that our worlds really DO reflect our personal values insofar as we can directly contribute to making things happen that we believe are important to better our world. I hope that you feel desiring of contributing to my personal Indiegogo campaign, which is linked to a longer term film project giving voices to the real experiences of those involved in the sex industry or sexuality work in general. Thanks and stay safe and stay sexy!
Sunday, 16 September 2012
It's not where you've come from but where you're going....
Imagine a crossroads....now imagine a choice. You can see a road behind you, you know that road well because it's where you just came from. It's rugged, the rocks scratched your feet to ribbons, the hurdles were many but you arrive at this mid point, looking around you knowing you can, at any point, choose to go back. It may be safer now that you know the perils; it may not be but at least it's the devil you know.
Now imagine a new possibility, that any of the other three roads could lead to bliss, achievement and fulfilment and weigh that up against more of what you left behind, a bondage of the most tiresome kind. Every day in every moment we can choose to make different decisions, to shift our energy (the essence of tantra), renew our perspective, understand that we are bound only by our own self imposed limitations.
"Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go." (T.S.Eliot)
So sometimes when life challenges us to really break free of those bonds and step into our dreams, or simply into new possibilities, who are we to get in the way?
When we finally come to those lucid mounts where if we are truly awake to the calling of our own souls, we hear the voice of our passion crying out to our spirit to fulfil its divine purpose, we need our warrior selves to carry us forward through fear, hesitation and anything else that may limit our growth. My mother always taught me that even though you may try, you cannot ignore the voice of your own conscience. It's the ever present barometer which keeps us in check and lets us know how far on or off track we really are. We can mould, manipulate and deny, but the voice will tell us the real truth, over and over and over. Learning to separate the voice of truth from ego can be tricky but we have only to look at our own personal 'hero's journey' to understand how the lessons of our past inform our future.
My own hero's journey revolves around sexuality and sometimes, people working with sexuality face a great deal of less than ordinary challenge. One of my teachers recently said that "it takes great courage to stand true in this work" and I knew exactly what she meant. Having faced many prejudices or short sighted judgments through my life, understanding why sex workers call for sex worker only support forums, and having seen how the most well intentioned supporters can diminish the real experiences of those who sell sex, or who work with the naked body (soul) or of those who love those who work in the arena of human sexuality, I know it isn't always an easy path to tread. Sex and money can set off people's fears like nothing else (though I think I'd much rather be a wanker than a banker any day!)
Do you work with sex and sexuality? what's your experience of getting support for the key issues you face? I'm currently looking into setting up a sex workers support forum or group and would love to know what YOU would want to know. What kind of support is missing for sex workers? I used to belong to an excellent internet based forum called Whorenet, which is alas no more, and which provided a really valuable arena for discussion and support. There were several forums within the main hub, one for sex workers only, one for supporters of SW's and others for more general political and philosophical debate, but it's long gone now. Whilst there are others, there isn't much as far as I can see, but if anyone knows of more, please share here. There are groups and forums for just about every profession there is, and yet when it comes to the oldest profession, it seems to be the last watering point along the path when it comes to resources. Please, share your blogs and links...light the way for others at the crossroads who may feel alone, isolated or out on a limb.
And if you're working as a self determined sex worker, celebrate your choices and step into your power. Anything less is living half a life and why do that...it's way too precious to squander.
Now imagine a new possibility, that any of the other three roads could lead to bliss, achievement and fulfilment and weigh that up against more of what you left behind, a bondage of the most tiresome kind. Every day in every moment we can choose to make different decisions, to shift our energy (the essence of tantra), renew our perspective, understand that we are bound only by our own self imposed limitations.
"Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go." (T.S.Eliot)
So sometimes when life challenges us to really break free of those bonds and step into our dreams, or simply into new possibilities, who are we to get in the way?
When we finally come to those lucid mounts where if we are truly awake to the calling of our own souls, we hear the voice of our passion crying out to our spirit to fulfil its divine purpose, we need our warrior selves to carry us forward through fear, hesitation and anything else that may limit our growth. My mother always taught me that even though you may try, you cannot ignore the voice of your own conscience. It's the ever present barometer which keeps us in check and lets us know how far on or off track we really are. We can mould, manipulate and deny, but the voice will tell us the real truth, over and over and over. Learning to separate the voice of truth from ego can be tricky but we have only to look at our own personal 'hero's journey' to understand how the lessons of our past inform our future.
My own hero's journey revolves around sexuality and sometimes, people working with sexuality face a great deal of less than ordinary challenge. One of my teachers recently said that "it takes great courage to stand true in this work" and I knew exactly what she meant. Having faced many prejudices or short sighted judgments through my life, understanding why sex workers call for sex worker only support forums, and having seen how the most well intentioned supporters can diminish the real experiences of those who sell sex, or who work with the naked body (soul) or of those who love those who work in the arena of human sexuality, I know it isn't always an easy path to tread. Sex and money can set off people's fears like nothing else (though I think I'd much rather be a wanker than a banker any day!)
Do you work with sex and sexuality? what's your experience of getting support for the key issues you face? I'm currently looking into setting up a sex workers support forum or group and would love to know what YOU would want to know. What kind of support is missing for sex workers? I used to belong to an excellent internet based forum called Whorenet, which is alas no more, and which provided a really valuable arena for discussion and support. There were several forums within the main hub, one for sex workers only, one for supporters of SW's and others for more general political and philosophical debate, but it's long gone now. Whilst there are others, there isn't much as far as I can see, but if anyone knows of more, please share here. There are groups and forums for just about every profession there is, and yet when it comes to the oldest profession, it seems to be the last watering point along the path when it comes to resources. Please, share your blogs and links...light the way for others at the crossroads who may feel alone, isolated or out on a limb.
And if you're working as a self determined sex worker, celebrate your choices and step into your power. Anything less is living half a life and why do that...it's way too precious to squander.
Tuesday, 31 July 2012
Tantric Bliss & the Cosmic Orgasm of Life!
Good evening dear readers...it's been a while. I've been busy establishing my own tantra and healing client base, which has in turn led me to be into the midst of setting up my own Tantric Temple in Manchester, UK. I'm really excited about this prospect for so many reasons, but most of all because I get to earn a living doing what I absolutely LOVE! How long I've dreamed of finding my own path, envied those who've always known theirs, or had a clarity I felt I was lacking in manifesting their own vision and sense of purpose in the world. Now, I'm delighted to say, I have found mine. "Do what you love and you'll never have to work a day in your life" is the mantra, and it's fair to say that doing what you truly love in life cannot ever feel like 'work' or a chore.
Over lunch with a lovely woman last week (read her blog here), we came to discuss the hero's journey, the Jungian concept of our journey into our true selves, and how our stories form us. I've never really been able to understand how all of my experience in so many fields of human sexuality could form my own story in a way that would make any sense to me. As an self determined 'outsider', yes I could relate to my edgy, non-conformist attitudes to life, my open minded, non-judgmental acceptance of the many shades of (way more than) gray in sex and sexuality, but how did it relate to my life path? Surely I was destined to be more than a 'former hooker'? Surely there were ways to bring sexual healing into the world that did not either pathologise, or get stuck in the analytical framework of 'head' and intellect based psychotherapy, which was not for me. I'm not for one moment knocking that practice, it can have a hugely important role to play in a persons self development, but it wasn't for me. And then I found tantra.
Since discovering tantra, my life has begun to flourish in ways I could have never imagined, and now that I'm fully embracing client based healing work, I'm full of gratitude every moment for those who come to see me. I genuinely *love* my clients, love that they bring me their open hearts and their willingness to heal, transform, change, move past that which may limit them, let go, surrender and truly experience the pleasure that is all of our birth-rights.
The transformation of negative attitudes is the foundation of my work. The messages that we have heard so often that we came to believe the lie, live in our bodies and our souls, and our spirits cry out to release them. Through Tantric bodywork I firmly believe it is possible to truly release this baggage we carry, most of which doesn't even belong to us. From the first moment we are caught self pleasuring and told that it is 'bad', or 'dirty', that we 'should be ashamed of ourselves' and more, we come to embody those ideologies. Why should exploring our own bodies to see how our pleasure feels be so bad? Why are we so stunted in our naturalness that we cannot even allow ourselves, as consenting adults, to really understand the liberation in pleasure? Feel comfortable in our nakedness rather than exposed or vulnerable? Through Tantra we can adopt a different viewpoint, and one of the things I love more than anything about this work is its inherent connection to love, respect of the self and of others. It is deeply honoring work in the truest sense of the word. As a woman, I have the right to say yes to things as much as I have the right to say no, and through tantra I am discovering where my 'yeses' lie. Through my work, I offer you the same respectful invitation to discovering your very own pleasure principles, and let me reassure you, we are all totally unique in our individual formulas. For me, this work has taken me into orgasmic living. I can feel pleasure in something as simple as washing the dishes, driving my car, talking a nap, walking in nature, making love, cleaning the bath out, whatever it is, so long as I do it mindfully, it is a blessing and confirms my aliveness in every moment. Tantra has led me to the cosmic orgasm of life, and I invite you to share in my journey, for as the image below says, how can we know how far we can go until we risk going that little bit further?
Over lunch with a lovely woman last week (read her blog here), we came to discuss the hero's journey, the Jungian concept of our journey into our true selves, and how our stories form us. I've never really been able to understand how all of my experience in so many fields of human sexuality could form my own story in a way that would make any sense to me. As an self determined 'outsider', yes I could relate to my edgy, non-conformist attitudes to life, my open minded, non-judgmental acceptance of the many shades of (way more than) gray in sex and sexuality, but how did it relate to my life path? Surely I was destined to be more than a 'former hooker'? Surely there were ways to bring sexual healing into the world that did not either pathologise, or get stuck in the analytical framework of 'head' and intellect based psychotherapy, which was not for me. I'm not for one moment knocking that practice, it can have a hugely important role to play in a persons self development, but it wasn't for me. And then I found tantra.
Since discovering tantra, my life has begun to flourish in ways I could have never imagined, and now that I'm fully embracing client based healing work, I'm full of gratitude every moment for those who come to see me. I genuinely *love* my clients, love that they bring me their open hearts and their willingness to heal, transform, change, move past that which may limit them, let go, surrender and truly experience the pleasure that is all of our birth-rights.
The transformation of negative attitudes is the foundation of my work. The messages that we have heard so often that we came to believe the lie, live in our bodies and our souls, and our spirits cry out to release them. Through Tantric bodywork I firmly believe it is possible to truly release this baggage we carry, most of which doesn't even belong to us. From the first moment we are caught self pleasuring and told that it is 'bad', or 'dirty', that we 'should be ashamed of ourselves' and more, we come to embody those ideologies. Why should exploring our own bodies to see how our pleasure feels be so bad? Why are we so stunted in our naturalness that we cannot even allow ourselves, as consenting adults, to really understand the liberation in pleasure? Feel comfortable in our nakedness rather than exposed or vulnerable? Through Tantra we can adopt a different viewpoint, and one of the things I love more than anything about this work is its inherent connection to love, respect of the self and of others. It is deeply honoring work in the truest sense of the word. As a woman, I have the right to say yes to things as much as I have the right to say no, and through tantra I am discovering where my 'yeses' lie. Through my work, I offer you the same respectful invitation to discovering your very own pleasure principles, and let me reassure you, we are all totally unique in our individual formulas. For me, this work has taken me into orgasmic living. I can feel pleasure in something as simple as washing the dishes, driving my car, talking a nap, walking in nature, making love, cleaning the bath out, whatever it is, so long as I do it mindfully, it is a blessing and confirms my aliveness in every moment. Tantra has led me to the cosmic orgasm of life, and I invite you to share in my journey, for as the image below says, how can we know how far we can go until we risk going that little bit further?
Tuesday, 31 January 2012
Hardcore Softcore? Sacred Carnal?
Good evening sexpot readers! As usual, your divine hostess Claudia is pondering sex again tonight. After a week of exciting meetings, events and opportunities, most of them involving sex positive people and well, just lots of sex really, I confess, I am left very thoughtful.
My week began at the delicious Shakti Tantra Sensual Eating event; more on this to follow in a blog post all of it's own as it was simply too good to gloss over. So, after the event I was most definitely all senses alive in readiness for the launch of the Erotic Art Expo in Liverpool, UK. The eating event (little teaser photo below) was my idea of heaven. What could be more delightful than to share my time with a room full of sensual, sex loving food afficionados with full permission to make as much noise as they desired whilst devouring the incredible platters served up by a critically acclaimed chef, Robert Owen Brown.
In the same week, I was invited to participate on the panel as part of a sex workers 'show and tell' feature to support the art on display for the next month or two at this venue. The first part of the evening took place in the gallery space itself and featured strippers, a BDSM rope work demo and a performance by the artist known as Amazing Mouse. Now, I consider myself pretty broad minded, little shocks me, or so I thought. Mouse's performance however took me to some of my edges, I'll admit. She employs such brutal, hardcore acts whilst dressed in the most girly pink poodle outfit, a juxtaposition more than a little disarming from the outset. That was nothing. By the time she had finished, Mouse had eaten dogfood, fucked herself in both orifices with same dog food smeared hands, followed by two plastic doggy bones and two candles all alight with bundles of sparklers! She also filled her pussy and her anus with soapy water and showed us the power of remembering to do your kegels ladies!!!!!
So, my week had already flitted between tantric sensuality, to a show that was so hardcore it was impossible for me to call it even sexy, in fact, I was lost for words to summarise what I felt as I didn't even know what I felt, in fact I was unable to describe what I felt for 2 days afterwards! Then it came to me, Mouse transcends our ideas of what it is to inhabit a body, to be a sexual object or being and to become a purely physical vessel in the name of her art. The shock of seeing this petite, softly spoken woman fisting herself and jetting water from her ass was really quite something. I realised in the moment I'd worked out what I felt, that I would rather inhabit a world of Mouses (Mice?!!) than a world of conservative-play-it-safe-censors who feel it is their right somehow to tell me what it is okay to do with my body or not; all roads leading back to Rome and the very essence of the Sex Work Activist debate.
So I salute the likes of Mouse and other seekers, pioneers and taboo breakers. I salute those who are willing to risk the disapproval of the mainstream, and to step outside the dream being dreamed by the many in favor of living their own truth. I am currently considering why so many spiritual practices disown the carnal in favor of the holy. Why do we disown the body, the pleasures of the body in order to believe that we are 'good' people, or that this somehow makes us higher in ideal? For me, the Tantric path marries my sexuality, sensuality, spirituality and political drive. Long may I ride the waves of intimate communion in the spirit of LOVE!
My week began at the delicious Shakti Tantra Sensual Eating event; more on this to follow in a blog post all of it's own as it was simply too good to gloss over. So, after the event I was most definitely all senses alive in readiness for the launch of the Erotic Art Expo in Liverpool, UK. The eating event (little teaser photo below) was my idea of heaven. What could be more delightful than to share my time with a room full of sensual, sex loving food afficionados with full permission to make as much noise as they desired whilst devouring the incredible platters served up by a critically acclaimed chef, Robert Owen Brown.
In the same week, I was invited to participate on the panel as part of a sex workers 'show and tell' feature to support the art on display for the next month or two at this venue. The first part of the evening took place in the gallery space itself and featured strippers, a BDSM rope work demo and a performance by the artist known as Amazing Mouse. Now, I consider myself pretty broad minded, little shocks me, or so I thought. Mouse's performance however took me to some of my edges, I'll admit. She employs such brutal, hardcore acts whilst dressed in the most girly pink poodle outfit, a juxtaposition more than a little disarming from the outset. That was nothing. By the time she had finished, Mouse had eaten dogfood, fucked herself in both orifices with same dog food smeared hands, followed by two plastic doggy bones and two candles all alight with bundles of sparklers! She also filled her pussy and her anus with soapy water and showed us the power of remembering to do your kegels ladies!!!!!
So, my week had already flitted between tantric sensuality, to a show that was so hardcore it was impossible for me to call it even sexy, in fact, I was lost for words to summarise what I felt as I didn't even know what I felt, in fact I was unable to describe what I felt for 2 days afterwards! Then it came to me, Mouse transcends our ideas of what it is to inhabit a body, to be a sexual object or being and to become a purely physical vessel in the name of her art. The shock of seeing this petite, softly spoken woman fisting herself and jetting water from her ass was really quite something. I realised in the moment I'd worked out what I felt, that I would rather inhabit a world of Mouses (Mice?!!) than a world of conservative-play-it-safe-censors who feel it is their right somehow to tell me what it is okay to do with my body or not; all roads leading back to Rome and the very essence of the Sex Work Activist debate.
So I salute the likes of Mouse and other seekers, pioneers and taboo breakers. I salute those who are willing to risk the disapproval of the mainstream, and to step outside the dream being dreamed by the many in favor of living their own truth. I am currently considering why so many spiritual practices disown the carnal in favor of the holy. Why do we disown the body, the pleasures of the body in order to believe that we are 'good' people, or that this somehow makes us higher in ideal? For me, the Tantric path marries my sexuality, sensuality, spirituality and political drive. Long may I ride the waves of intimate communion in the spirit of LOVE!
Sunday, 29 January 2012
Oppose the Nil Policy on Hackney Strip Clubs
I recently attended a launch for the Erotic Art exhibition at The Gallery Liverpool. The opening night saw the wonderful Tuppy Owens, tireless campaigner for sexual freedom rights, put together a collective of open minded, sassy people willing to stick their necks out for their right to say YES as much as their right to say NO.
As one of the speakers on the Sex Workers Show & Tell panel later on in the evening, I got the chance to hear one of the performer/strippers speak of her work and the issues currently impacting upon it with the Nil Policy in Hackney (London, UK) and other boroughs. These local councils are seeking to operate the self explanatory policy, and are being backed by an organisation named Object. Please take a look at this short video entitled HANDS OFF and if you use Facebook, you can find out more here.
Watch and make up your own mind. These women don't sound like victims to me, nor nor do their voices sound like the voices of those 'colluding in their own oppression' (a criticism often leveled at sex workers). What do you think?
As one of the speakers on the Sex Workers Show & Tell panel later on in the evening, I got the chance to hear one of the performer/strippers speak of her work and the issues currently impacting upon it with the Nil Policy in Hackney (London, UK) and other boroughs. These local councils are seeking to operate the self explanatory policy, and are being backed by an organisation named Object. Please take a look at this short video entitled HANDS OFF and if you use Facebook, you can find out more here.
Watch and make up your own mind. These women don't sound like victims to me, nor nor do their voices sound like the voices of those 'colluding in their own oppression' (a criticism often leveled at sex workers). What do you think?
Tuesday, 15 November 2011
How anti-trafficking feminism harms sex workers.
I could not put it better than this so I will simply direct you to this important piece on why anti-trafficking feminists are doing more harm to sex workers rights, safety and civil liberties than they are effecting good. It's a real shame to me that this debate remains so polarised and that as long as it does, sex workers are being seriously challenged in their basic right to self determine, and to access services which help empower us and protect us rather than threaten and place us at risk. Read why here (please click on the active link)
Meantime you should watch this important video made by a seventy year old transgender sex worker in Phnom Penh. It's all connected. Love and peace...xx
Meantime you should watch this important video made by a seventy year old transgender sex worker in Phnom Penh. It's all connected. Love and peace...xx
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