The Heartbeat of Life

The other day I was chatting with a friend about watching people in their flow, and the great pleasure one gets from really seeing someone utterly connected to what they're doing. This actually arose when discussing DJ's and turntablists and observing that when the DJ is connecting with their craft, whether that be with vinyl, Traktor, a mic, or other; when you see a person loving what they're doing, the expression of their craft becomes a pure extension of them. It becomes the language they use to express themselves. It is their heartbeat made manifest.

One of my teachers Rita Hraiz says all great DJs are shamans of the dance floor. I love this! Who can say that when they've been to the best gigs, the best music nights, they haven't come out truly moved. I'm not here talking about the kind of energy that requires drugs to create it or to uplift it, but the kind of energy born of contagious passion; contagious heartbeat. 

I got to thinking about how we express ourselves in life. For me, it can be about when I'm holding sacred ceremony, or when I'm juicing in my shop, in a bodywork session, a kiss or simply in a conversation that inspires or excites me, challenges or touches me somehow. My expression, the essence of me, permeates my being, enters my words, my actions and my presence in any given moment. I think it's the same for others, only here's the problem - we are human beings and we forget. 

My shamanic teacher Chris Luttichau says "We are born remembering who we are; the first enemy is forgetfulness."

I love this saying. It reminds me that in essence, we are perfect and we are born knowing all we need to know in order to be who we're supposed to be, but we become conditioned by society, by our parents, by our friends, by our teachers, and most of all by fear. Fear is a 'contracting' emotion - it shrinks us, and in my opinion, it's the opposite of love. It's not hate but fear that's the opposite of love, for when we're in fear that's the only place that 'hate' can survive. When we're in 'love' it's not possible for hate to exist. 

Over time, fear becomes our teacher. A cruel teacher, it sits punishing us over and over for our 'stupidity' and our naiveté. It laughs at our mistakes and taunts us with its petty and limited responses of sarcasm, criticism and malice, where love supports us through compassion, curiosity and transformation. We need to banish fear in order to find our heartbeat again, and everything has a heartbeat….the universe is pulsing all the time and we are indeed truly connected. We hear this a lot: "Everything is connected; we are all one", but what does it really mean?

For me, it means that ignorance cannot live in the midst of that realisation. When we hurt others, we are hurting ourselves, when we judge others, we are judging ourselves. We are all capable of great love and great fear. We are all capable of acting out through our conditioning or choosing instead to make other, new and healthy choices. We are all accountable! The good news is that becoming accountable opens the doorway to love, to genuine love born of that compassion I mentioned above, and of wisdom and inner knowing. That doesn't mean we have to like everyone we meet, but we can certainly try to love them! 

I've been watching a film called Earthlings this week. It's really distressing. It's about our relationship with animals, and how we use them (pets, food, zoos etc). It's an important film to watch despite the upsetting images. It doesn't mean of course that the world will go vegan overnight, but what if it just opens the gateway a little more to our understanding of the action/reaction chain, the cause/effect chain, the need/response chain? What if we could find ways to really begin to understand that our actions have power and consequence? Surely this would be as liberating as it would seem limiting? 

Ultimately, when we begin to recognise our true connectedness to all things, to all actions, we begin to live in the present moment so much more fully. We start to inhabit ourselves properly and this inevitably means we have to look at our places of discomfort in order to live in the moment without trying to run from it, disown it or project it. I love projections! They are such powerful messengers of where our inner work lies. So let's soften into our beating hearts and find the things that connect us over the things that separate us. Let's find our pulsating, beautiful, strong and loving heartbeats and express that beauty in our conscious waking lives. And above all remember….

The Cosmic Orgasm of Life

This week sees your Hostess Claudia looking into and pondering Creation Myths and the general disconnect from the physical body and the act of union/communion.

After a beautiful day out in Wales on Wednesday with Barry Spendlove from Healing Tao Britain, I was left, as usual when out on Barry's walks, in a state of presence and contentedness. Barry is one of the most embodied people I've ever met, and walking with him with his deep knowledge of the land around Wales, nature in general and the physical form, provides a really strong base from which to engage with the interconnectedness of our own bodies and the body of the earth. Observing the deep sunsets, engaging with the trees, with the feeling of Autumn approaching, the earth changing and yet also ever present in stillness, led me to what I can only describe as a state of bliss. This in turn got me thinking about sensuality and sexuality in general, and to wondering how many, if any, creation myths actually involve the physical in a sexual way and what that energy of creation and dissolution is about.

Nature has an exquisite way of mirroring sex. Just observe on your next walk how many trees, plants, flowers and rocks can hold an essence of this most natural act, and yet then consider where we, where the world came from, and how disconnected from the sexual this usually is. Generally we know that the increase in organised religions around the world saw the decrease of shame-free sexual expression. From early natural expressions of sex, amongst mammals and other animals and amongst people, gradually we saw a decline in that naturalness and an increase in judgement and censorship. Over time, we began to hide our sexual drives and to judge them. We became our own inner critics, and the ugly trinity of shame, guilt and fear began to take over from beauty, joy and bliss. Basically - we forgot.

So as I walk in nature and observe everywhere the essence of change, of growth and new life in spring, of decay and release in winter, and the beauty and magic running through all seasons based in that essential re-creation, I am left wondering why so many of our creation stories do not involve the physical expression of that. I found mainly one, a Japanese myth about the God Izanagi and the Goddess Izanami. It is said that these two made love with appetite and with passion, thus giving birth to eight of the Japanese islands.

What eventually happened to Izanami was that when she gave birth to one of her sons, a fire God, this birth was too much for her to bear and the fire consumed her - interesting right? Here is this passionate, sexually confident Goddess and the fire she gives birth to burns her up! So I'm left wondering about all of this cosmic bliss; it's a beautiful thing to feel, to experience and to contain. Orgasmic streaming of the kind that comes from deep, spirit connected, embodied sacred sex is without doubt a potent force for creation. Are we afraid of that energy? Are we shying away from harnessing that life force? Are we overly concerned about the physical aspects of sex when we should be focussing on the energetic ones in their most pure form, and by 'pure'  I don't mean of the kind judged on a moral basis. 

Life is beautiful. Nature is powerful. Sex and sensuality can be a gateway into presence and into bliss. Let's get rid of the distortions around it, open up the dialogue and welcome the great Cosmic Orgasm of Life! 

Leave me your comments on life, energy, nature, sex, creation. I love to engage with people!

Kissing as Communication.

It's been a while since I've written here. January in fact. Since then, my life journey has continued, as it always does, following all manner of changes, twists and turns, each turn more healing, each more revealing than the last.

I am currently on sabbatical from my own healing practice in order to focus on my personal journey towards increasing clarity of what I do, and do not, want in my life. With my mother's passing in May of this year, and the deep grief and shock that went with that, something inside me truly changed. Slowly, over the process of her leaving her physical body, in this plane, I came to accept many things about what it is to be alive, to have the gift of a healthy body, a healthy mind, and the recognition that I had absolute agency for choice in what to do with my life was so strong it was almost more of a drive than a passing thought. "Make the most of life Steph" was all I could hear, over and over. Do not waste time trying to fix things that can't be fixed, instead, lean into the grief, feel it, move through it and let go.

And letting go is not always easy as we know.

Letting go requires courage, faith, hope and trust. It demands stillness and presence. But if we cannot let go, then how can we create space to breathe into new things, new opportunities and new life. When your hands are full of the baggage you're already dragging around with you, there is no room in your heavy arms to carry anything else. Let go. Feel and let go.

Love is one of the hardest things of all to let go. All of those hopes and dreams we shared. All of the visions of growing old together with a whole lot of shared memories, all gone into nothing? But it's never 'nothing' is it? Every person or situation we encounter along the way is an opportunity to learn more about ourselves, and about our personal dreams. If we can share those that's great, if not, then it's time to let go.

So lest we dwell in the place of nostalgia, let's make space for the excitement that comes from really getting to know yourself. Being alone can be a perfect opportunity to tune into our own rhythms, desires, strengths, vulnerabilities and so much more. Being alone is like the compost for the soul. We enter the void and become masters of our own egos. Here I am in the silence and I am uncomfortable, lonely, fearful, angry, or peaceful, blissful, turned on, content. Probably a little of all of those things. At some point the balance has to tip. If not we are stuck in depression, isolation. If we can allow it, we move into the exquisite place of peace and self awareness, and suddenly we find we can see out once more. There are friends there waiting to hold our hand. There are people…and people are interesting if we remain inquisitive enough to want to know more.

And so, as we begin to see the people, we begin to find our curiosity again. Who are you? What do I see in you that must also be in me? You interest me. I am you. You are me. We've had time identifying our true self, our drives and desires and our deepest dreams. We know what we want that little bit more than we did when stuck. There is so much freedom in letting go! Slowly we may find our interest is piqued. Someone smiles, and we return the smile. We begin to feel a fluttering of new possibility and the dance begins all over again, however slowly, however fast. Without the learning, we will most certainly dance the same dance and trip up in the same places. With the right wisdom, we can start to learn new footsteps and new dance routines. 

And then comes the kiss. 

Kissing is an art. But not an art in itself for it is actually a communication. Last night I dreamt about a kiss, a strange kiss, two pairs of lips sealed together but not moving. And in my dream I could hear myself saying "No! Kissing is communication. I want you to communicate with me, respond to my kiss with your kiss. Let your kiss be your silent words, your offering and your response to my kiss, my silent words, my offering." In my dream I knew absolutely and utterly that a truly great kiss is 100% communication and 100% communion. Anything less is an act. Dropping into that place of communion is not always straight forward though, and for me, kissing is one of the greatest tantric acts. To be fully present to the intimacy of another human being and to yourself gives a kiss all that it merits. It is a beautiful thing. And it is communication. 

So let go, let go, let go. Dive deep into life and all it offers you. Whether alone and in between kisses, or together and in the midst of them, let them be wonderful, or let the promise of them be exquisite but waste not your time on kisses that are not reciprocated. Waste not your time on kissing into the wind when the wind could carry your beautiful kisses towards someone waiting to catch them, someone waiting to communicate with their mouth on your mouth, their lips on your lips, their heart present to your heart. That way, even if it is only ever one kiss, one moment, it can never be a lost one. 

Sex: What makes it great?

Having spent the last few evenings firmly entrenched in Anna Span DVDs, I've come to thinking about what makes sex great for women. I felt strangely empowered (or was it aroused?!) after watching Anna's productions, and given that I'm generally not at all shy about exploring sex and sexuality, empowerment on top of existing confidence can only be a good thing (though men may wish to run very fast in the opposite direction as my pussy demands more action!)

Having been fortunate enough to have had relationships that have allowed me to fully explore the 'darker' sides of my sexual expression,  has given me the opportunity to be much clearer about what I like and dislike in bed and find the voice to say so. It was most certainly the communication without shame that made these explorations possible from a starting point of fun, openness and courage; the courage to talk out our deepest, darkest fantasies free from shame. Initially of course there's always the fear of embarrassment or discomfort - what if I reveal too much? what if that confession is one step too far? what if judgment enters the playground and leaves me feeling the bittersweet aftertaste of the confessional? So many people are told that what they desire and feel isn't 'normal' but who gets to decide upon this? I know that when I first discovered a partner who could talk dirty and match my own levels of filth, my sigh of relief was probably audible in the next street!

Communication is key for sure but is that enough? As with any aspect of a relationship, getting to know one another's intimate secrets and thoughts takes trust and time, though obviously if the sex you are looking for is a one-off hit, then lust and instinctive attraction take over. Starting from the premise of a general question, e.g., 'what makes sex great for women', I wondered what the answers would be, so I asked about 30 of my girlfriends and their responses were as varied as the number of body types there are in the world. Here are the abridged versions of some of their/our replies, many of which were duplicated:

"women love oral - simple"

"being able to get really pervy and feel utterly loved no matter what"

"raw sex appeal and the feeling of control/lack of control depending on the person"

"ribbed condoms and a man who will stay down for as long as it takes...oh and a nice cock"

"the right drugs and a good imagination"

"double penetration!....and to be able to feel totally at ease so that I can go wild and lose all inhibitions with an unselfish lover"

"love, security and lots of squirting (female ejaculation)"

"talking about what they are going to do whilst doing it"

"teasing"

"start with a massage, free the mind and the body follows"

"communcation"

I have two teenage girls - what do we teach our young girls about sex, sexuality and their bodies? How do we counter mainstream values if those values are limiting at best or repressive at worst? My daughter has already experienced labeling as a slut just because she enjoys sex and is not afraid to get the sex she wants. To me, that sucks BIG time and makes me both sad and angry. Has nothing changed? False images of what it is to be a woman surround us daily, most often in the media and those magazines supposedly aimed at women and young girls, and this can so easily perpetuate a sense of lack, so how do we change their thinking and bring confident, sexually comfortable young women into the world? We keep talking.

Some of my most inspiring mentors have been sexually open, confident women; writers, porn stars, sex workers, dancers, strippers, campaigners and the like. Women I met at the International Conference on Prostitution in LA many years back now, women who first provided a platform for me to express the full range of my sexual experiences. Women like Annie Sprinkle, Carol Queen, Nina Hartley, Scarlot Harlot, Tracy Quan, Cheryl Overs; all inspirational fabulous women who have shaped who I am in some way or another, and here's to the many more I've yet to meet!

For me, what makes sex great changes depending on where I am and what I need in my life at any given time, however it remains true that many of us are afraid to talk about sex in the same way we may talk about any other aspect of our lives and relationships. Why is that?

On that note; what makes sex great for you? please come in and get some good juicy chat going ~ you know it makes sense!