My Work; My Soul Purpose

A few people have recently asked me "what exactly do you do in your healing sessions?"So here for your clarification is a little more about my work and my overarching vision for what I do. What I do is not the same as who I am, but it comes pretty close!

We are electro magnetic beings functioning in an electro magnetic world! What we often refer to as ‘vibes’ can sometimes be a direct reflection of an intuitive bodily identification with that very energy surrounding us. Matter is simply energy vibrating and a denser rate than say feelings and emotions for example, but in our case (humans) matter contains all of the blueprints of our experiences so far so these thoughts, feelings and emotions are filed in our metaphorical filing system and often referred to at a later date.  

Every human being has a several energy bodies (e.g., physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, astral, etheric). My work focusses on the primary vessel for our human experience, the physical form, as the container for every level of being-ness that we can experience in our lives. 

As we grow up, we become conditioned by the experiences, thoughts and feelings of others who are influential in our lives, starting with the most primary relationship of parent/child. When our influencers have not managed to process their own experiences, what usually happens is that those experiences are passed on to us in the form of distortions of the original experience, thus creating a second layer of the first trauma. We can also do the same to others. 

The main areas of interest in my work are in sexuality and health. Health is extremely broad as a term of reference though so let me further clarify; I love facilitating people in discovering what being healthy means to them. I have no interest in doing this as a dietitian, or a personal trainer (for example), and whilst both are excellent careers paths, they are not my calling. Rather, my interest in 'health' stems from a deep desire to support people in living self-determined balanced, harmonious and fulfilled lives, and comes from a commitment to authentic self expression. In order to reach that we must first clear the pathways - a path free of trip hazards is after all much easier to traverse than one beset by potentially hazardous pitfalls! 

Ancient systems of medicine recognized the presence of seven major energy centres, or chakras in the body, each corresponding to a different physical gland, emotion, element and energetic frequency. These centres are connected via some 72,000 psychic energy pathways known as the nadis, a little like rivers connecting to the estuary, connecting to the ocean (of our being). We are basically information super highways, and pretty miraculous ones at that! 

In shamanic and tantric practice, it’s also recognized that the source of much dis-ease in the body, whether that be physical, emotional, mental or of the spirit, originates in the process by which we come to be out of alignment with the harmonious flow of energy throughout the body. This mis-alignment can arise through poor nutrition, environmental toxins, emotional discordance or trauma, and as mentioned earlier, the cumulative conditioning arising throughout our childhood and formative years. It can also arise in sensitive individuals who haven’t learned how to discharge the energy they pick up.

I offer two main types of healing in my one-to-one work at present. The first is Tantric Shamanic Bodywork and functions like this:

You arrive for an initial consultation session in which we have already acknowledged you are working with healing any issues around intimacy, sexuality and primary relationship. Sessions typically involve breath work, soul gazing, massage and sacred touch, conscious sexuality coaching, shamanic theta scanning and soul recovery, energetic cord cutting and trauma release from the body. We will be mapping out your personal blueprint for pleasure and intimate communication. Phew! That's a lot right? But don't worry, we go at a pace which is appropriate and comfortable for you. This work can be challenging work but the rewards are manyfold. 

The second is Energy Field Healing, which I also combine with shamanic practices to clear and re-set the mind-body-spirit function. Here I work directly with the energy field using an electro magnetic mat, and a set of etheric weavers (a bit like dowsing tools) to identify where there are any blockages or stuck energy in your system. This is a clothed session not involving massage, instead we focus on deep relaxation and meditation for re-programming, using the mat as the vehicle for that energy field balancing. I also use shamanic diagnostics in these sessions to get really clear about what we're working with, thus taking a strong intent into the sessions. Here is a testimonial from a client I worked with on the mat very recently: 

"The electro magnetic mat is very effective and specific in re-aligning any disturbances or blockages in the body. I experienced a short session with the mat yesterday and it was a very powerful healing session for me. My heart was blocked, afraid to open up and let go, and the mat instantly led me into relaxation and slowly ran energetic currents through my energy, allowing me to open up and let myself begin to transmute the blockage. I had a profound experience in my session, S tuned into me on deep levels and was correct on every issue that was going on with me. I'm so grateful to experience this small and powerful breakthrough with her, and I plan to work more with her as I felt comfortable with her holding space for me. She offered reassurance to the point where I knew I could have gone deeper into healing my heart in a more in-depth session. I was able to experience that space and my heart received healing. I'm feeling more at peace and free within now and hope to carry on." 

Here's an image of my lovely mat to give you an idea of what we're working with! 

In my work, I seek to find and dissolve any of the barriers that limit you from being the radiant being you were always meant to be. I hope this helps clarify what I do and I very much look forward to working with you. 

Aho Mitakuye Oyasin (For All Our Relations) - for in healing ourselves we must inevitably heal the generations to come. 

*All of my work is highly confidential and adheres to strict codes of practice. 

I've Cut My Teeth On Lesser Men...

A challenging statement with which to start today's blog post? Well yes, however it's not meant to be gender specific, more relating to humans than opposite-sex-to-me men!

This evening, Ms Magenta ponders what it means to be a WARRIOR. Earlier today, my lovely friend Earl (see Karmic Coaching for some of his great work) sent me an article to read. It was an article he felt spoke to him, in part about me. I am honoured that this great man sees me as a Warrior Sister, and you know what, it's true! Too often we hide our light under a bushel, afraid it will seem arrogant or self serving if we name our talents and skills. But what is this dis-ease with knowing who we are and being able to speak of that with confidence? I, Steph Magenta, am a Warrior!

The article which you can read here is an interesting read, highlighting a combination of old values of warrior hood against new ones. What does it mean to be a warrior in today's society, especially if you don't live in a typically war faring culture? To me it means to be strong in your convictions, to be bold in your aspirations and to know exactly when to advance and when to retreat. It means to know when you are in danger, to be prudent enough to recognise an adversary, wise enough to know when you have met an ally and to be clever enough to how to move between those states and people with the grace of a deer, the force of the great bear or the buffalo, and the cunning of the fox.

I chose the image from Kill Bill above very deliberately. The Bride: classic symbol of a woman dressed in virginal white, pure of heart and body, agreeing to honour and obey her soon-to-be husband. Maybe it's less obvious these days with new possibilities for wording your ceremony, but the tradition nevertheless holds some kind of collective conscious expectation, for both behaviour and compliance. I like that the bride wields the sword of the warrior in her wedding gown. It's a juxtaposition that pleases me as it jars slightly, which is a good thing. It's good because it makes us think.

"I WILL TAKE WHAT IS MINE WITH FIRE AND BLOOD" 

One of my favourite scenes from Game of Thrones, from my favourite female character, is the one where Daenerys Targaryen is trading for her army. Courageously entering enemy territory, she stands, silently listening to a heap of abusive words being directed at her in another language presumed she doesn't understand. She maintains her poise and her dignity until the moment when the man who would cheat her, realises that not only are her legions loyal, and her dragons her protectors, but that her intellect is mighty. Revealing only in the precise moment of uprising that she understands everything, the battle is already won, and her strategy wins her her army.

Being a warrior is indeed strategic. We must learn from life or be condemned to repeat our mistakes or die (not necessarily literally). Repetition can dull the senses or it can sharpen the practice depending on context and intent.

"To walk the full length of a path that one truly loves, Don Juan said, one needs passion, courage, imagination, vigilance, discipline, self awareness, grace, strength, resourcefulness, efficiency, patience, adaptability and the humbleness of a navigator."

That's quite a list. It formed part of what was taught to Carlos Castaneda by his teacher Don Juan in his shamanic apprenticeship, and it became part of what he called his Magical Passes, a series of movements designed to bring all of those qualities into the heart of the Seeker, the Visionary and the Warrior.

In my shamanic training we are taught various movement and other daily practices to help us maintain exactly that kind of focus. A warrior cannot be lazy! A warrior cannot be complacent, or make assumptions. A warrior must be vigilant indeed. For me, given that I don't have to worry about a neighbouring tribe attacking me at any moment, or a buffalo stampede in my garden,  my vigilance is generally of the mental, emotional and spiritual kind. It's a way of dedicating my life to growth and to health. When I say health I simply mean to have a strong mind and a clear heart and to honour my body enough that it can be a forceful channel for both.

I've done my time in the lair of those who would have me down. I've done my time in my own self imposed prisons of misery and suffering. I've walked the path of addiction, abuse and anger, and it's passed and is in the past. I'm no longer pointing my weapons outward from the door of my cave, expecting trouble, because I trust in my ability to be a Warrior at all times.

Witches were burnt at the stake if they floated and did not drown as this was seen as evidence of their demonic possessions; a lose-lose situation if ever there was one! As a warrior, one has to have known defeat, known suffering, known hardship and known devotion, and rising from these things is where our swords are truly forged.

How will you turn your defeat into determination? Your suffering into strength? Your hardship into heart and your devotion into love?

How do you stake your claim in life? And do you even recognise it yet? If not, find someone, find people with whom you can get yourself in metaphorical training. Your sword awaits you. Aho!

Imbolc - Divine Spark of Inspiration

Imbolc is here! Celebration of the Divine Spark of Inspiration, festival of the return of the light, reawakening earth and potent portal for manifestation. Christian traditions overlaid many old Celtic celebrations with their own version. Here we see candlemas; in the literal sense a festival of light in the pagan year, but perhaps more interesting is that the root of this old anglo saxon word 'Candali', or Kundali, (or Kundalini) offers perhaps a true glimpse of what this festival is all about.

Understanding what it's about gives us more insight into why the festival may have been co-opted by other traditions, for there has long since been a fear of, and subsequent repression of, the powerful arising of sexual energy, as is inherent in the mirror of nature as the earth starts to move into growth, energy of new life pushes through, and we start to feel the stirrings of new possibility.

Nature is a wonderful teacher. She holds within her all of the Universal Laws from which we can truly learn. These are the Laws of Wholeness, Flow, Balance, Limits, Cause & Effect, Planes, and Evolution. Without going into great detail here, I recommend you read Mystery Teachings From The Living Earth by Michael Greer, as recommended to me by my wonderful friend Gavin.

It's fair to say that the laws reflected in nature are wonderful teachers from which, if we pay close attention, we can truly come to understand ourselves. What, we may wonder, is the purpose of this self actualisation? Well, I'd say it's to return to love, to a state of grace and to our naturalness. The innocence of childhood, the purity of a heart seeing and feeling through eyes unencumbered by conditioning that really know the truth; that LOVE is the greatest force there is and that everything is energy in motion if we can learn to remain unattached and trusting of the flow.

So here at Imbolc, the days are beginning to lengthen and new life is starting to push through the soil. Plant your ideas and leave them to germinate in the remaining darkness, ready to burst forth with spring. This celebration is all about looking at what has been take into winter's darkness and letting it go. It's all about starting to take your visions and plant them with a strong intention ready for growth. In order to do this, now is a good time to create a small fire ceremony to burn away any lingering things that may be holding you back. Get clear! Shed the next skin so that you can move with clean energy and crystal clear clarity into your dreams for this coming year.

Last night I found myself pulled to do a shamanic drum journey for myself. In a week in which I've completed a powerful shamanic ritual, leading to a physical, mental and emotional clearing, my drum was calling to me. I rarely drum for myself and it's fair to say this was almost a compulsion! I sat on my bed and began to drum. Straight away I was journeying to the Upper World where I was given very clear images and messages. I've learnt to trust these visions and impressions now, and so sitting with it, the beat of the drum consistent and clear, I began to 'see' exactly what I needed to see, understand and release in order to move into strong Imbolc imaginings (the name of one of my workshops).

There is a wealth of resourcefulness, intuition and knowing inside us. We have all the information we need in order to give ourselves all we need in order to live in wholeness, compassion and love. Imbolc is a time for reclaiming what has been forgotten. What do you need to reclaim? What spark of fire will help you birth a new dream of yourself?

1. Build an altar to the returning light, to new growth and to divine inspiration. Ginger, coltsfoot, rowan, willow, snake, dragon, greenery from outside, seeds etc are all good items for your altar.

2. Clear out any old crap lingering in your homes, workspaces and lives (if that last one is not too tall an order! If it is, focus on your home and workspace and keep it simple)

3. Create a small fire ceremony. Write down and then burn away what no longer serves you.

4. Go sit in nature for a while. Listen and just BE.

Happy Imbolc to all!

*Steph Magenta & Sarah Rose Bright are currently working on developing a programme of sacred gatherings working with the cycle of the year - please let us know if you would like to know more by clicking here.

Drugs or Medicines?

Hello lovely people out there in cyberland. This evening's post focusses upon a theme I've found myself pondering many times throughout my life, and for many reasons. Tonight I want to explore the subject of drugs versus medicines. Going beyond semantics, how do we decide what is 'good' and what is 'bad' in this respect, and how does this duality thinking serve us? Who gets to say when a drug is truly a medicine and when a medicine becomes a drug? To look at this we must also explore the things that create addiction, explore value judgements around this, and be bold enough to recognise that when something is used in principle for 'spiritual' reasons, it may not be any more worthy than something used when out of consciousness if the root of the 'addiction' remains in place and a person remains unable to integrate the teachings or lessons learned upon their journey, to create for themselves a better life, a life lived with improved and sustainable wellbeing.

I disagree with some of the statement above - often we bypass the pleasure phase and head straight for avoidance of the pain, only not in relation to the substance, more in relation to the issue at hand that we may not be wanting to feel in the first place. However many substances or actions can indeed be pleasurable in their repetition, at least until (or if) they begin to create chaos, hurt or pain for us, and others around us. That doesn't have to be just drugs, it can be work, sex, alcohol, or specific behaviours we can't break free from that create legacies of pain and suffering in our lives.

CONFESSION TIME! As a former heroin addict I spent many years locked in extremely destructive and painful cycles of addiction, withdrawal, and re-addiction. I spent money, time, and heartfelt reservoirs of faith and hope trying one way or another to cure myself of my opiate dependency, always unsuccessfully, until one day I hit rock bottom and found the dregs of some tattered life belt beckoning me to an untrusted shore, that of sobriety. I didn't at this point want to be clean on some levels though, because in the stark reality of 'clean and serene' lived the demons I had been avoiding, and they were clearly not going to want to be scrutinised too hard, otherwise I would have done so long before hitting desperation. And so for a while, the following was true….

I saw friends die from overdoses on shit drugs or because they had tried to get clean, failed and then given themselves too much of what they could cope with when in the full flow of their dependency. It was tragic; good souls striving to get well, more often striving to get drugs, dying in trying. I lost money, family, friends, homes, belongings and self respect. I gained remarkable resilience, resourcefulness and wisdom, but only once clean was I able to access most of those gifts. Anyhow, this is just the story, it was a long time ago now and it does not define me, but it certainly makes me think! And why does it make me think? Well, because eighteen months ago I began another quest of exploration using psychotropic plants to enter the deeper levels of my psyche that still remained locked in old pains and patterns. Although no longer being anaesthetised by opiates, these patterns still somehow limited me, and I was ready to break free. Enter the frame Ayahuasca, San Pedro and Iboga. (*inclusion of these sites is not necessarily an endorsement of their content - please trust your own information finding resources)

These teacher plants as I refer to them, hold truly remarkable abilities to transform consciousness and open gateways to new ways of seeing what are in principle old ways of being. Working with them intensively over the last phase of my life has unlocked so many gifts, blessings and teachings. I can never express how much gratitude I have for the fact they called loud enough and long enough for me to pay attention.

By some freakishly synchronistic series of events, starting with a random book written by the wonderful Rebekah Shaman, which was left on a table beside me at a festival (nobody knew how it got there), a flier for an 'Eagle Condor' ceremony left in my healing centre (nobody knew how it got there), and a chance meeting, I found myself suddenly tuned into a very different matrix. They say when she calls, she calls, and when the time is right, you just know. Fearful (actually make that a little bit terrified!) and curious at the same time, I certainly knew on some deep embodied level that I was about to embark on some serious soul searching, and that Mama Ayahuasca was the doorway through which I would access these lessons. I'm not going to lie, I was afraid that my demons would consume me, that they were far bigger than I and that they would simply annihilate me and undo all of the good work I'd put into place in getting well and staying well, but I also knew on a deeper level that this couldn't be true for those demons could only ever be a part of me and never the totality of me.

I can honestly say that this journey has been the most liberating of my life in terms of my soul evolution, life lessons and life-purpose focus. That said, I see as many opportunities for 'addiction' within the sacred and spiritual plant based explorations as I do with those used less mindfully; it's not something to take lightly or be cavalier about. Ayahuasca, a South American vine, has taken me to some truly painful, dark places. It's torn down my ego and left me in tatters, and it's slapped me hard around the head when I've been a little less respectful of her potency. Through all of this she has also brought me deep healing. San Pedro, a South American cactus, has been a cruel teacher; hard and unforgiving at times, he has also shone light on that which is lurking in the dark, and for me, going to meet what is often referred to as the 'Grandfather' is never something I will take lightly or make assumptions about beforehand. Iboga, an African root, has changed me deeply. That's all I can say about that for now.

But what of these distinctions? What of those who maintain those addictions we would normally refer to as 'drug addictions' without them causing too much chaos over the years? I know people who do so to some level, although I admit they are rare, at least in my experience that is. And what of those who are addicted to these beautiful plant teacher spirits and who approach them in the same manner of questing for an altered state that just further avoids their own ability to just be with themselves? Does this medicine then become a drug? And what of those people using some drugs as medicines and creating stability and real health for themselves with them. Is that even possible? Personally I'm not a fan of synthesised 'drugs' and medications, whether prescribed by the doctor or sold by the dealer, I just don't trust them!

These days I'm as clean as I've ever been and I'm not talking about clean from medicines, drugs or anything else here, I'm talking about food, nutrition, attitude, lifestyle, mindfulness, love, self love and more. At the risk of sounding self righteous, I haven't drunk alcohol for almost a year, not because I'm trying to, but because I don't want to and because my body can't process it any more! I gave up sugar and wheat at the same time, and I'm currently on Raw till 4 (a raw vegan foodie concept of eating only fresh, uncooked and unprocessed foods until 4pm every day to give the body and digestive system a rest).  To some this will sound like I'm whipping myself with the denial of pleasure but to me, the pleasure is now well and truly rooted in the sense of health, energy and vitality I feel increasing in me with every single day.

I very recently discovered on my shamanic training, that it is equally possible to enter cathartic and transformative states without the use of any psychotropics at all! This powerful understanding further deepens my commitment to the power of intention and the conscious development of the human spirit and soul. And what is this all for? Not to create further separation but to remember the oneness of life, the absolute truth that everything is connected and everything grows through love and self actualisation and never through fear, ignorance and denial. To discover where true freedom lies and to take root there, to stake my flag on the summit of joy that I know is there, ever accessible, ever present. All I have to do is open my eyes and remember.

Aho Mitakuye Oyasin! (For All Our Relations)

Be Your Own Shaman!

"The core of the earth is made out of the stuff of black magic." Rudolf Steiner (paraphrased in the book 'Breaking Open The Head' by Daniel Pinchbeck).

Reading this out loud this morning as I lounged about on a rare day off, here began a small exploration of the nature of 'self', of gender and of the dualistic notion of separation. I've been working with this quite intensively for the last few months, with it all coming to a head about two weeks ago in sacred dharmakaya ceremony.

Steiner, it turns out (I never knew much beyond his great schooling principles; my son went to a Steiner nursery when he was little and it was a blessed relief after mainstream schooling but that's another post), was an occultist, freemason and student of self mastery. I'm not going to say much more on this here as I don't know enough yet, so my words would be ill informed, save to say that I enjoy meandering down unexpected paths and it has indeed been the process of much of my life.

When I first heard the quote at the top earlier today, I immediately began to think of it in terms of gender; the dark, moist, cavernous centre of the beast, the belly and womb of the planet, referred to as the container for all 'dark magic' - the up above perhaps being perceived as masculine, outward, light? In this context however, it seemingly referred to the place where we 'bury' our rage, fear, shame, anger and other shady stuff, both consciously and unconsciously. To bring it therefore to light, we need to be able to first identify it, secondly, to challenge it, and thirdly, to transform it.

As a society we have become conditioned into shunning the intuitive (feminine), and the instinctive (neutral), and fearing the mystical - pastures of the insane or accessible only those with direct links via for example, religion. Instead, we have come to favour the rational (masculine), logical (masculine) and scientific (atheist or perhaps agnostic) explanations for things. We began to split, not only in terms of gender, but in terms of our core inner being; we became dualistic.

In becoming dualistic in our thinking we lost great parts of ourselves, and began to hide those parts that did not seem to fit with the acceptable mainstream view of how we are supposed to be, feel and think. What becomes even more confusing is that with social and political evolution, we aren't even sure any more what those dual roles are meant to be, and so we become even more and more dispossessed of our intuitive understanding, even further away from the idea of oneness and unity, and even more alienated from both ourselves and from others. 

"Because we deny our intuition, because we don't believe in spirits or listen to our dreams, because we have banished our potential shamans to mental institutions and homeless shelters, because we have imprisoned ourselves within virtual shells of technology, it may be pathetically easy for ambiguous, super sensible entities (-) to continually operate on our minds, filling the vacuum we have created with sludge, anaesthetising us to deeper levels of wisdom." (From Breaking Open The Head). I find this sentence to be quite profound. What's worse is that we have become our own prison guards. We have successfully imprisoned ourselves by limiting all that we can be through fear, doubt and mindless projection! The great news is, we can transform that. We can turn our suffering into gold, our stories into healing and our separation into unity. 

Pinchbeck goes on to assert that we live between 'egocentric materialism and spiritual nihilism', and for many this is true. However, there is a rising tide of evolution in my view and it is growing fast. There is a new paradigm birthing and people are waking up! In switching off the television, the Revolution will indeed not be televised! 

But how can we cultivate and maintain a feeling of non-duality within ourselves? Are we going to sit and wait for "shamans powerful enough to suck the spiritual poison from our social body and vomit it out for us? Wizards who can tame these demons? Visionaries who can paint the way forward?"(Pinchbeck) 

Here I'm inclined to agree with Pinchbeck in his summary, for he asserts that we must all become our own shamans, wizards and seers, and if "as spiritual warriors, we must take responsibility for the plight of our species" then we must indeed begin to understand the nature of this separation; it's what I would refer to as the 'original sin'. It's not that we were cast out from the Garden of Eden for having curiosity, but that we lost sight of the beauty for believing in the separation as a result. Evolution or God's Creation…it doesn't matter as long as the separation is banished.

Steiner's Rosicrucian philosophies were founded on the principle of self mastery. In this self mastery there are two forms: firstly mastery of the lower self in the form of everyday mirroring and awareness of our day-to-day self - how it functions, what it believes, and how this limits us. Secondly the higher form of self knowledge born of self renunciation; not so easy I hear you cry!

To discover self renunciation, we must first overcome ego. Of course we all have them, they cannot really be escaped but they can most certainly be tamed. A powerful driving force, each of us has the tendency/habit to believe that our own personal version of life is the best, is the 'right' one and to disown, move away from, or become extremely uncomfortable when that version is challenged too hard. Yet for me, my greatest knowing is coming from beginning to move away from this idea of right and wrong, and to move back into balance, into harmony with life, with the 'other' and with myself. When we balance our characteristics, we start to understand from the perspective of 'otherness', from contrast, from true equality. In this point of stillness, there cannot exist conflict, only flow and acceptance of the 'is-ness' of life. And in this lies freedom. In this lies the true heart of LOVE, and who indeed would not want to return to that place? 

To get there, to return to love, we must look for guides, look for mentors, look for teachers and trust ourselves and our own discernment. We also need to recognise the mirrors, and then, we must call ourselves out! I find humour a fantastic tool for taking myself down when my ego is over inflated. Before we can truly laugh at our own shortcomings and misconceptions though, we first need to find them. Dig deep, dream hard and love well, and with those intentions we will surely all start to find our way 'home'. 

The Heartbeat of Life

The other day I was chatting with a friend about watching people in their flow, and the great pleasure one gets from really seeing someone utterly connected to what they're doing. This actually arose when discussing DJ's and turntablists and observing that when the DJ is connecting with their craft, whether that be with vinyl, Traktor, a mic, or other; when you see a person loving what they're doing, the expression of their craft becomes a pure extension of them. It becomes the language they use to express themselves. It is their heartbeat made manifest.

One of my teachers Rita Hraiz says all great DJs are shamans of the dance floor. I love this! Who can say that when they've been to the best gigs, the best music nights, they haven't come out truly moved. I'm not here talking about the kind of energy that requires drugs to create it or to uplift it, but the kind of energy born of contagious passion; contagious heartbeat. 

I got to thinking about how we express ourselves in life. For me, it can be about when I'm holding sacred ceremony, or when I'm juicing in my shop, in a bodywork session, a kiss or simply in a conversation that inspires or excites me, challenges or touches me somehow. My expression, the essence of me, permeates my being, enters my words, my actions and my presence in any given moment. I think it's the same for others, only here's the problem - we are human beings and we forget. 

My shamanic teacher Chris Luttichau says "We are born remembering who we are; the first enemy is forgetfulness."

I love this saying. It reminds me that in essence, we are perfect and we are born knowing all we need to know in order to be who we're supposed to be, but we become conditioned by society, by our parents, by our friends, by our teachers, and most of all by fear. Fear is a 'contracting' emotion - it shrinks us, and in my opinion, it's the opposite of love. It's not hate but fear that's the opposite of love, for when we're in fear that's the only place that 'hate' can survive. When we're in 'love' it's not possible for hate to exist. 

Over time, fear becomes our teacher. A cruel teacher, it sits punishing us over and over for our 'stupidity' and our naiveté. It laughs at our mistakes and taunts us with its petty and limited responses of sarcasm, criticism and malice, where love supports us through compassion, curiosity and transformation. We need to banish fear in order to find our heartbeat again, and everything has a heartbeat….the universe is pulsing all the time and we are indeed truly connected. We hear this a lot: "Everything is connected; we are all one", but what does it really mean?

For me, it means that ignorance cannot live in the midst of that realisation. When we hurt others, we are hurting ourselves, when we judge others, we are judging ourselves. We are all capable of great love and great fear. We are all capable of acting out through our conditioning or choosing instead to make other, new and healthy choices. We are all accountable! The good news is that becoming accountable opens the doorway to love, to genuine love born of that compassion I mentioned above, and of wisdom and inner knowing. That doesn't mean we have to like everyone we meet, but we can certainly try to love them! 

I've been watching a film called Earthlings this week. It's really distressing. It's about our relationship with animals, and how we use them (pets, food, zoos etc). It's an important film to watch despite the upsetting images. It doesn't mean of course that the world will go vegan overnight, but what if it just opens the gateway a little more to our understanding of the action/reaction chain, the cause/effect chain, the need/response chain? What if we could find ways to really begin to understand that our actions have power and consequence? Surely this would be as liberating as it would seem limiting? 

Ultimately, when we begin to recognise our true connectedness to all things, to all actions, we begin to live in the present moment so much more fully. We start to inhabit ourselves properly and this inevitably means we have to look at our places of discomfort in order to live in the moment without trying to run from it, disown it or project it. I love projections! They are such powerful messengers of where our inner work lies. So let's soften into our beating hearts and find the things that connect us over the things that separate us. Let's find our pulsating, beautiful, strong and loving heartbeats and express that beauty in our conscious waking lives. And above all remember….

Eating The Wild

I read a quote this morning, written by a man named Stephen Buhner. Stephen's quote went as follows:

"One of our greatest fears is to eat the wildness of the world. If we eat the wild, it begins to work inside us, altering us, changing us. Soon, if we eat too much, we will no longer fit the suit that has been made for us. Our hair will begin to grow long and ragged. Our gait and how we hold our body will change. A wild light begins to gleam in our eyes. Our words start to sound strange, non-linear, emotional. Unpractical. Poetic. Once we have tasted this wildness, we begin to hunger for a food long denied us, and the more we eat of it, the more we will awaken"

This quote really struck a chord in me in a week where I have been giving much thought about what it is to literally 'eat our wildness'.

In shamanism, the totem animal who walks with us teaching us how to embrace the unknown, the shadow, the night, the darkness, is panther. Panther treads softly stalking her prey, assessing her terrain. She knows when it is time to act, time to hunt, time to rest, time to be still. Panther is lithe and untamed. He does not question his instinctive nature. Where does your wildness live inside of you? Do you recognise its call or do you literally 'eat your wildness' and refuse to give it a voice through fear?

Now, imagine this - if we begin to eat the wild rather than our wild, we begin to discover what it truly means to be free and to unlock our potential for expansion. Nutritionally, living food contains a light force that many of us don't even recognise as our diets and lifestyles have become so processed and contained, controlled and packaged, and delivered to us as lifeless addictions. We don't even know how to distinguish between an addiction and a real physical need any more. Our wildness has been sold back to us as extreme sport, long holidays (a break from our 'reality'), or romance that doesn't have any relevance to truth.  Our wildness is sleeping the long sleep of an eternal winter; Sleeping Beauty awaiting her kiss.

But what if the kiss we await is the kiss of our own wild nature trying to touch us? What if that wildness was given breath and held in the reverence it surely deserves? What if we stopped self censoring, judging and projecting and instead became fearless warriors of the heart?

I'm summoned to thinking about this in a week of synchronicity, change and finding my way back to centre over and over. I WILL EAT THE WILD! I will eat the fruits of life and my clarion call is to radical honesty.

I desire that my suit no longer fits because guess what…I did not employ the tailor!

I desire that the wild light enters my eyes, that my gait changes and that my words become poetic. Not the poetry born of self indulgence, but that born of truth. Is it so hard to find that?

Why do people squash themselves into small boxes, somehow being less than they know they are? How much courage does it require to start to release the wildness in us? Gabrielle Roth, founder of Five Rhythms was once quoted as saying - "It takes a lot of discipline to be a free spirit" and I couldn't agree more. Self awareness is key, and courage is our main weapon.

I ask for Radical Honesty in all my relations, for all our relations. The Native Americans can be heard referring to something called 'The Children's Fire'. Sitting around the fire in Sacred Circle, any decision thats's made in this Council comes from a place cognisant of the seven generations to come. How does this action affect my children, their children, their children's children? Imagine that for a mind bend! But basically it's about honour and integrity. It's about taking responsibility. For me, truth telling can be a challenge as I'm sure it can for many; not having clarity, not wanting to hurt others, or not yet knowing how I actually feel about something, all of these factors influence to greater or lesser degree my ability to be radically honest, and yet, as long as that's my intention, then I'm doing ok.

No more sleeping beauties. No more to lack of nourishment coming from dead food, dead parts of ourselves. No more unmet hungers that can be fed by truth telling. ONLY truth telling. No more passions locked away. But let it all be done in the name of LOVE. Self love first and foremost for without that, our wildness cannot even recognise itself. And I love you all. Aho!

My Summer of Deep Healing

Blessings Familia! I start by honouring the commonality shared by many a tribe across our divine planet, our love for Madre Terra, Pacha Mama, our Mother Earth.

The end to this summer of 2013 has proven to be one of revelation, integration and manifestation on so many levels. Starting out this year I'd never have guessed it, but as part of a longer journey into wholeness it's been pretty fabulous all in all. Actually let me re-phrase that for what I've learned is that we are already perfectly whole but it's more that we've simply forgotten that fact. RE-membering is the trick. Re-Calling in our divinity, but sometimes we need a hand with that remembering yes? And so, from a synchronistic moment at a summer festival, which led to a random and unexpected meeting with David Icke, which in turn led to a book landing in my lap, a book which left a profound imprint upon my soul, and through that story (The Shaman's Last Apprentice) I found myself gently led towards our plant teachers and the facing of many a fascination and a fear.

I've held a sense of distant reverence for the mother vine, more commonly known as Ayahuasca for some time now, however the key word here was 'distant'. I've given a cursory glance or two to many a website or article, thinking that really it was more for others this particular pilgrimage, than it was for me. Truth be told I was fearful of its potential potency fearing two things: first, that following a few bad acid trips that this too would be some hellish and inescapable journey resulting in my certain madness, and secondly that my personal 'demons' would engulf me, leaving me in tatters, a shell of the woman I once was, unable to put myself back together again. Now, having since followed the series of synchronistic events that led to my initiation, I can clearly see how unfounded these fears actually were, but I voice them on behalf of others who may feel the same, for I know we are many. In voicing these fears though, I found myself experiencing so many strange and timely meetings and people that I was left in no doubt that I was meant to be doing exactly what I was and just 'listening' to these messages. 

Now, at this point my blog post could get very lengthy! I could give all the details of these random events and tell all about how they brought me to a place of communion, or I could just tell you that I got there, to that magical place where the soul is bared and the heart revealed, truly revealed, for us to bear witness to our tiny and somehow insignificant place in this amazing Universe, insignificant and yet holding so much capacity to choose to do either harm or good with the custodianship of our planet. What I learned about myself that was perhaps the single most liberating thing for me was that in letting go of fear, control and some false beliefs about my inner demons, that my 'freedom' lay on the other side of that fear. I learned that it is never possible that these fear based ego voices can be greater than us, for they are simply a part of us, one part of the whole, and that the whole is pretty wise and knows far more that the vessel we inhabit, this body, in this lifetime, insofar as knowing that we are absolutely meant to be here and have a unique role to fulfil whilst being so. 

When you journey with the mother vine, you see beyond doubt how ultimately connected we all are, to each other and to the earth, to our history, our evolution and our future, and it is the most breathtaking realisation I've ever experienced. It is impossible to contemplate doing harm to it, or to consider a return to living in the same ignorant ways we may once have done, when we have seen and felt what magnificence truly lies beneath our feet, and the possibilities for what sustains our lives and the lives of generations yet to come. I envisage clean water for my children and my grandchildren, I envisage fresh air and good food, enough to share with all, and I know that this is infinitely possible if we can but release our fear riddled grip on our need to possess, and take endlessly without giving back. 

So this summer, I've taken part in several plant medicine ceremonies; Ayahuasca, San Pedro and Komba (the venom of the tiny, somewhat cross looking, emerald green Amazonian tree frog). I've been blessed to spend time in the company of people truly awakening to other possibilities, people open to love, open to healing, and open to honouring not just the self but the planet. People committed to standing in integrity, committed to forging new pathways and changing what is for what can be and in that witnessing I am left humbled and deeply peaceful. I'm surprised by that sense of peace because for the first time in a long time, I feel that change is not only possible but is inevitable and it starts with our relationship to the self. Deep peace must be possible to conceive within before taking deep peace outside of ourselves, but more than that, it has to be a kind of selfless sense of peace if we are to truly create transformation and change in our world. 

Honestly, I don't know where to begin in sharing the magnificence of these experiences but I am full of gratitude for the people who have been there with me, and to those I have yet to meet on this path. My teachers have been as much the wondrous souls holding the space as the other people courageous enough to show up and share. There are many pioneers and adventurers who have gone before me, Shamans and ordinary people, visionaries, healers, scientists, artists and psychonauts. People desperate to make changes in their tough lives, who seek to live anew, people who are just curious, people who are open mined, social engineers and lovers everywhere. All I can say is Health and Healing be ours Brothers and Sisters and AHO to that! 

Alex Grey affirms that all we need to know is already inside us, and how ayahuasca takes us there.