Gorgeous readers, I don't know who you are or where you are or how you may stumble across my page, however, welcome....pull up a chair, pour yourself a wee whiskey and let your mind meander through my words, my world, for a moment or two.
Today sees your divine hostess Claudia pondering the incredible power of WOMAN and women's sexuality when it is free to express itself as it can and should. But what does this freedom involve and is it any different from the freedom of women to express ourselves in general, as we see fit? I remember reading a while back several passages in my Virginie Despente's book King Kong Theory about how she struggled to reconcile the false teachings of what is was/is to be a woman with her own real experience of it. For Virginie, fitting in with any ideal of femininity was early on dispensed with as a pointless exercise likely to lead only to bitterness and disappointment. She knew that she did not conform, did not look like any average girl and was neither classicly beautiful nor moderate and demure in demeanor and this caused problems for her.
For many women, those of us who do not conform to societies 'normal' values for 'ladies' or other people's idea of what it is to be feminine, we become typecast very quickly; we are 'ballbreakers' 'bitches' and 'sluts' and 'whores' (god forbid that we actually choose to be those last two things and enjoy it!!). We find that as women comfortable expressing the more yang side of our natures, it is as threatening as it is for men who desire to express their more yin side too. For years I have known the currency of the feminine ideal. I've known what it is like to sell myself, to give myself away 'freely' (the cost has often been higher than when I've traded honestly in what men have wanted from me), and to have that taken from me in one way or another without my conscious consent. Now I find that the only freedom lies in being true to oneself, in being "impeccable with ones word"*, yet it would seem that this all too often monumental task is tantamount to the holy grail of most relationships and we're generally not very good at getting there
Since the earliest days possible, women's sexual power has been known to be vast, extensive and when left to itself, unbounded....and then came religion where women began to be subjugated beyond belief, culminating in one of the biggest violations to womanhood known in our time, the burning of witches. Women who were sexual, who were midwives and healers, women who had esoteric knowledge, women who painted, danced and sang, who loved their nakedness and their wildness, were accused; a single look could turn a man's penis to dust. Women, it seems, fornicated with devils. Women were not God/Man-fearing enough and so we paid.
*The Four Agreements ~ Don Miguel Ruiz
From my point of view, a woman who understands the power she possesses over men because of her sexuality is not only a beautiful thing but a scary one.... she could rule the universe, well mine anywaysReplyDelete
Hello H, thanks for commenting. I agree though the paradox for women is so often that although sexually powerful/aware/awake women could indeed rule the universe (!) as we function so much on an emotional basis, it can be hard to 'hold' that power in my view. Practice makes perfect though hey ;-)ReplyDelete
I've just discovered your blog through a friend, and I've got to say I fuckin' love what you have to say. I'm 20 years old... sort of at the point where I feel like I have to choose my identity and run with it... everyone seems to have a solid idea of who they are and I'm floating. I go out on weekends dressed up in ways that I think will make people look at me, because I feel like men looking at me with lust will validate my existence somehow. This sickens me, I want to feel beautiful to myself and not feel like others, especially random men at parties, need to think I'm sexy. I've been needing to share this for a while, and felt this was the perfect venue. Hoping you'll have some input, you're awesome Claudia! :DReplyDelete
hi there and thank you for your positive comments. Many of us live with a very uncertain sense of who we truly are as women, physically and sexually, never mind mentally! We live (as do men) surrounded by very powerful and persuasive ideas of what makes a 'real' woman and get locked into media notions of what we should be wearing, shaving, fucking, expressing etc etc. Porn does it too in different ways, so can be no more of a radical departure than mainstream expression. The point is that we have to get to the point where we can find the courage to call the bullshit, however that can be tricky for so many of us, a lone wolf is never as strong as a pack, and many of us run as 'outsiders' if our views are considered too risky or contraversial. I've only just come to a point in life where I am liberating myself from other people's expectations, binds and fears, to discover my own voice in that. It's a lifelong work. I think that if you're 20 and looking for answers this is great, just make sure to harness it rather than let it run you! Many women act up and act out and lose themselves in the process, to substances, to sexual expression that our chosen partners don't deserve....consciousness is the key I think.ReplyDelete
If you feel good dressing up and playing the attraction game then that's fine in my book but as soon as it doesn't feel good, stop, or at the very least make sure you know which games and by whose rules you play. The power of love is mighty and doesn't have to be all devoid of sass and sex either!!!